How can you tell when someone is dying?

Question

My mother in law was in the hospital for about a week in January and a week in Februrary. The first time for fluid on her lungs and the second time, in February, for what we were told was her blood pressure was sky high. She woke up throwing up and wouldn't stop. So, a month after she got out, she is still real sick and she wont take her medicine and rarley takes her insulin for her diabetes. She won't have hospice or any type of in home nurse come in and help.. She relies on myself and her son to do it. She's having memory loss, constant pain, always talks about dying and wanting to be with her late husband. She can not hold her urine and hardly has a bowel movement. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to comfort her. Oh. And she's always drinking something and is constantly hungry. But never wants anything here to eat. What do I do?? Please Help! Anything is helpful..

She has an appt with her dr. on Monday, but I kinda am in a weird situation.. My fiance can't really handle it, so it's all on me.. But it seems like her memory is slipping but she still is there enough to be mean to people and know what is going on. Sometimes she forgets she just took her insulin, like yesterday. -sigh- I don't know.

Answer 1

Death can happen suddenly without warning but due to your mom in law's symptoms sounds as if she is progressively becoming more debilitated. If she is isn't taking her medication, food or water she will most certainly deprive herself and risk further complications. If she isn't providing herself with the basic nutrients to sustain life it will be impossible for her to continue living.

Answer 2

It sounds like your mother-in-law is non-compliant with all of her health problems. The constant hunger and thirst is because of her uncontrolled diabetes, and she's probably not having a bowel movement because she's not eating.

Are her thoughts about dying legitimate? Or are they due to confusion, sides effects of drugs (pain medicine?), or is she depressed? Either way, it unfortanately sounds like your ability to care for her at home has passed. You should talk to her doctor about your own concerns for her care and see what the options are. Although she is sick, I'm sure you and your husband have many things to take care of (work, children, house, etc.) and the stress of caring for someone with this many health problems in your home may be more than you can handle.
Her doctor can help you decide what is the most appropriate care for her. She may need a stay in a rehabilitation center/nursing facility to get her back on the regimen of taking medicine and get her health problems under control. If her mental problems (confusion, depression, etc) are actually dementia or Alzheimer's disease, she may need to live in a place where they can properly treat such conditions.
Most of all, find some support for yourselves. Taking care of a sick relative is not easy and I find what you all have done so far to take care of her very noble. You all have done what you can to the best of your ability, now it's time to find assistance from health professionals.

Good luck and best wishes to you all!!!

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for you. Can you call her doctor for help in the best way to help? If she is not thinking correctly, the doc may help you get treatment and declare her mentally unable to make her own decisions. If she's really OK with dying, and you guys are also, then I'd still call a hospice and ask them for advice. You can't force her, but a doc can sign her as mentally unfit, and sometimes 911 can assist in this if you call, and say she can no longer care forherself

Answer 4

She needs to be taken to the hospital whether she likes it or not. She is obviously very sick, with high blood pressure, diabetes and Lord knows what else. She could be suffering from multi-system organ failure and you and your husband cannot care for her at home. Take her through emergency and have her accessed and call her regular physician and let them know what is going on. It is time to take control and make good decisions for her as she is not capable of doing this anymore. Let her die with dignity and respect and if hospice is necessary the medical profession will let you all know. Please allow them to assist you in any way they can. I assure you and your husband, that her best interest is what everyone wants. Good luck and God Bless!!!

Answer 5

My heart goes out to you and your family. Have you ever thought of having a serious talk with your mothers doctor? hes got to know of something he can do! have you ever thougt to bring your mother a homecooked meal?Maybe this is why she isint eating,she hates hospital food. Try this,she just might surprise you. I hope things take a turn for the better. rubberstampr

Answer 6

Thirst is a symptom of diabetes. But it sounds as though she has given up on life maybe a visit from a church friend or even an old friend would help to revive her spirit.

Answer 7

It sounds like she may have given up the will to live. If she won't take her meds and won't eat, you know she will eventually die. If she is competent to make her own decisions, then there isn't much that you can do. If you think that she is no longer competent to make those decisions for herself, her dr can declare her incompetent, and you can go from there.

Answer 8

first off to make her feel better read her the bible! you and her and all the family need to get togather and pray for her say lord i believe that you can heal poeple and in the name of jesus she will be healed i will be praying for her and all of you! if her breathing slows down that may be a sign of death. but remember what the prayer said in the name of jesus she is healed. next you can call a minister over to pray for her! well i hope my advise works i will be praying for all of you if you need me you can e mail me at any time GOD BLESS YOU bye