Playdate - start time and end time TOO flexible. how to make them more specific ?

Question

When I plan for hosting drop-off playdates for my 6 and 3.5 yr olds, I find parents unable/unwilling to commit to specific times for drop-off/pickup. It is more like will drop-off or pickup 'after lunch', 'on the way to the store' etc. I find myself in 'playdate' mode for upto 4-5 hrs while the actual playdate is 2-2.5 hrs.
They end up coming upto an hr late for no reason, and expect to stay for the original planned time.

I'd like to say, nicely/casually, 'plan to drop-off/pickup anytime between 2 and 5 pm so they get couple of hours to play/have fun'. Is this fair enough? This way, I set aside only 3 hrs for it.
My kid is not wating forever at the window when friend will arrive. The parent still has a 3 hr range to drop-off/pickup for a 2 hr playdate.

Of course, if 2-5 pm does not work for them, we make it 3-6 pm or whatever works, as long as we know the start/end times.
any other ways, without inventing false appointments?
thanks, Rita

Answer 1

I would just be frank. I have things to do as well and can't plan on waiting for you to pick up your child an hour after the play date is over. Tell them 2-5 or whatever you decide and if they are not there to pickup by 5, keep calling them until they get the hint. You're being nice, they get a few hours away from their child, they shouldn't be taking advantage of you. Or say a half hour before the play date is over, just call and give them the heads up, "Ok, we're cleaning up now and whoever (insert name) will be ready to go home at 5pm. Just wanted to remind you. If it keeps posing too much of a problem for you, stop hosting play dates.

Answer 2

I can see both sides of it. You never know when kids are going to get up from their naps etc so you wouldn't want to be waking them just to go to a playdate. And if mom needs to do something while you have the kids she just may not be able to say how long it will take.

However in either case a call would be good. You know call if it is time to leave and your kid is sleeping and say you will call as soon as the kid wakes up. Or if you are at the store make sure you have a cell phone and call if things look like they are going to take longer than expected.

I also know that you need to plan your day.

Maybe only have playdates where the parent's stick around and invite 2-4 moms that way even if one or more don't show up someone does.

Answer 3

well, usually my sons play dates are an after school sort of thing (he's 6 and in 1st grade). But, I never give a window time frame. I arrange a specific time decided by both of us. We decide what day works best and then we negotiate the time. E.g., "I'll pick the kids up from school at 3p, then if you are able to pick little Johnny up by 5:30p that should give them plenty of time to play, does that work for you?" If they've agreed to it - little Johnny has his jacket on at 5:30p knowing that mom or day will show up "any minute now". If mom or dad show up late (and haven't called), then they have their kid to answer to as to why he had to wait with his coat on for 20 mintues. This happened once and the kid put the dad on the spot (not me) as to why he was late.

Also, parents will sometimes reciprocate what has been done for them. I always call about 10 minutes before I arrive to let the other parent know I am on my way to pick up my kid - whether I'm on time, early or running a few minutes late.

Also, I would cut seldom offenders a little slack - we all run late sometimes. But for repeat offenders, I would reconsider the type of playdates. Maybe meet at the park where the parent is involved and not dependent on you. Plus your kids still get to play whether the other kid has shown up or not.

Answer 4

set a specific time and stick to it. tell them to bring the kids at say 1:30 and pick them up at 3:30-4:00. 2 hrs is usually enough, especially for you. this way the kids can play, have a snack and be ready to go when their parents get there. if the other mom's/dad's can't do it, pick another day. they need to realize that you are taking the time to plan these events and it shouldn't be taken advantage of. dropping off a little later is okay but they should never go past the pick up time. tell them you have plans. maybe that way they'll be more prompt.

Answer 5

Don't be a doormat.

One of my friends, who is a notorious practical joker, made up these cards to give out for a play date:

MAGIC PLAYDATE at "DEE DEES" House:

Drop off time is 2 p.m. SHARP.
Children arriving after this time will not be admitted to the wizards castle.

Pick up time is at 4:30 p.m. SHARP.
Children here after 4:45 p.m. will be turned into pumpkins.

No one was late for either time slot.

Also, on a personal note, if you know that the people in question are "repeat offenders" on the time issue, tell them politely, BUT FIRMLY, that they are NOT invited until they can be respectful of the rules.

Be willing to step on a few toes or be used as a doormat.

Your choice.

Answer 6

If the children are coming over to your house, of course you have every right to specify a time frame. If a parent shows up to late, just politely tell them the the other children are getting ready to go and that you have plans.
Don't be wishy washy and allow the other parents to manipulate your time as well as the time of your children.
Socialization skills are important to a child, but learning to respect other people is also important. By allowing these other parents to come and go as they please, and not following the schedule times, shows your children that it is okay to do what you want when you want without recourse. That really isn't the way the world works. Show up for work an hour or two late and see how your boss reacts.
It is up to you to show your children that they are important enough to you to have uninterupted personal time with you as a family. Don't let other people's lack of respect effect your family's lifestyle or quality time.

Answer 7

I think you need to give a specific time. Little Johnny can come over to play until 4. If you can't pick him up by 4 then we need to schedule for a different day. You're not a daycare where they can drop off and pick up whenever they want. It sounds like they are taking advantage of you. If they won't pick up when you want them to - don't ask them over anymore.