Oh my! I need some help...serious answers only!?

Question

My boyfriend went to work, and left me some chili nachos which didn't agree with me. I went to let out what seems like a small fart, but turned out to be a shart! Now I have a huge orangey-brown stain on my boyfriends new couch! I've tried everything and I can't get this awful stain out. My only other option is to burn the stain. I would rather have him come back to a burnt couch, than a sharted couch. CAN YOU HELP!

Answer 1

Stain remover- Excrement