Is it customary not to list an elderly brother as a survivor in an obituary if you have several children and?

Question

grandchildren. My elderly father's brother died recently, they weren't close but kept in contact, but my mom was upset because the obituary mentioned the wife, children, grandchildren but not my dad who was his only living relative from the past.

Answer 1

No, that's not customary at all, especially if he was the only surviving sibling. I can understand why your mother was upset when your father was omitted, however I hope she doesn't let it cause hard feelings with the other survivors, because chances are the obituary was written by someone in mourning who was not close to your father and and was just listing your uncle's descendents without even thinking.

Something to think about... might be a good idea to write your own obituary and update it periodically.. that way it's ready to go when ready and not written in haste through tears.

Answer 2

Usually obituaries are written during a very difficult time. No matter how well we try to plan for the inevitable its easy miss a few things. Family members who are dealing with their loss can sometimes have a hard time seeing what is not right in front of them.

The omission could have been one of any number of reasons. It may have been an oversight. It may have been a financial issue (you do pay by the word). Or it may have been a way of defining a limit. Maybe his family felt that by naming your father they would have to mention everyone else in your family or any deceased siblings as well as his parents, which could make for a very large and expensive death notice. Many newspapers have guest books attached to the online obituaries. You or your father could easily insert a note there.

Was it rude to not mention your father? Not at all. Would it be rude to let something like this cause a rift between your families? MOST DEFINITELY! Let it go. Mourn the loss of your uncle with his family, do not stew in the imagined slight.

I just reread your question, your mother is having the problem, How does your father feel about not being named?

Answer 3

That is not customary at all, but perhaps how the deceased wanted his obituary written. Newspapers will print what they are asked to and don't take any liberties with how the list information.

Answer 4

No, it was not at all correct to omit your dad, but what's done is done and there isn't any way to fix it now. I'm sorry it happened, but if you can, gently suggest to your mother that she not make an issue of it -- your uncle's family is already upset about his death and it would be a mistake to chastise them about the obituary.

Answer 5

Maybe you could request another obituary be written in those newpapers.

Awful thing, upsetting your Mom that way. ALL survivors should be listed unless there is some unsual circumstances.

Answer 6

I think it just depends on who is writing it and what they want. Chances are your Uncle did not write his own (sometimes it is prewritten) and it was actually your Aunt that left your dad out or it was a mistake by the paper that happens sometimes too. I would say it is really not a big deal those that know the family know your dad is a brother and those that don't know the family probably don't really care.

Answer 7

If the taking pictures became intentional he mandatory to be surpassed over of the checklist of survivors. If it became unintended, then they could have secure the brother's call besides. What a nasty concern to ensue in a relatives!

Answer 8

No it's not customary. Perhaps it was an oversight or they didn't think to do it b/c they were not close.

Answer 9

I think she should refocus her attention to the fact she just lost a son.