I JUST got engaged and im already having problems?

Question

problem one:
i have been dreaming of my wedding since i was 3 years old and my parents are telling me they dont have any money to give me. without their help, i cant afford the wedding i always dreamt of. i got engaged on wed and yesterday i was already in tears. i dont want this to be a sad occasion in my life. whats the right way of dealing with this issue?

problem 2. my brothers girlfriend ( my good friend and my bridesmaid) is the same age as me and has been married b4 ( to a looser) when i told her i was engaged she seemed exicted for me but when i showed her my ring she didnt say anything and just looked away. then my dad again told her to come take a look and she said, " i did, its nice" i think she might be jelous, but she is my bridesmaid and i dont want her jelousy to **** up my wedding. how would i deal with this issue?

heres the thing of why i was kind of depending on my parents. we jsut bought a condo that we have been saving for for a long time. we put a 100k down on it so our cash flow isnt exactly flowing at the moment. my parents always told me they had moeny put aside for my wedding, when i asked them how much, i realized it was not enough to even have it a casual resturant.

we want to get married august of 2008. so we have a year and a half to plan

Answer 1

Well, yes, the unrealistic dreams of the 3 year old, when they clash with reality, will cause problems.

You made the decision that the condo is more important to you than one day -- which is a wise decision.

So, your parents have told you how much money is available; plan your wedding with that in mind.

You can have a beautiful wedding without spending a lot of money.

Have it in your parent's home, or other free place.

Don't have the reception at meal time, but serve nibblies instead of a meal.

Don't spend money on invitations, a letter inviting guests is perfectly appropriate and proper.

Don't invite everyone you've ever met, but those who are nearest and dearest.

If you're old enough to get married and buy a condo, you're old enough to be mature and take reality into account in your planning.

The point of the wedding is the wedding itself -- is THAT not a meaningful enough event?

Do you have to have the wedding you imagined when you were a tiny thing that didn't have a clue?

Is that going to ruin the rest of your life?

Yes, no, and no.

As for problem 2. She is probably experiencing pain over her bad relationship. You can't expect her feelings to conform to your wishes. She's hurting; give her a break.

She was gracious under difficult circumstances, so there's no reason to think she's going to mess up your wedding.

She didn't throw a tantrum, or say anything snippy. She was feeling hurt, and did her best to hide it.

Again, if you're old enough to marry, you are old enough to realize that you don't control everything in the world and can't remake people to suit your convenience.

If you really care about this friend, you will sympathize with her feelings, and not try to force her to have different feelings.

There's a lot of time between now and the wedding; I'm sure she'll conquer the jealousy or hurt she's feeling by then, especially since she's doing a good job of it so far.

You can do what you can to save money for your wedding, and you can plan a beautiful wedding within your means.

Or you can throw temper tantrums and alienate everyone who currently loves you.

The choice is yours.

Right now, because of your excitement over getting engaged, everything seems like the end of the world.

Your wedding day is the beginning of a new life, not the end of your life.

Start this new life out right, with loving family and friends, not a bunch of people whom you've spent all these months bruising and trying to tyrannize.

Answer 2

Ok, time to grow up, Cinderella.

What matters more, the marriage or the wedding?

I hear you expressing all the things you want, but not really what's YOUR part in getting them. Im sure you very capable of contributing enough to achieveing the wedding you want, IF you really wanted it.

The ring thing is a sore spot with the friend, but seriously "as an adult" you should have been alittle more sensitive in that aspect. Whats the "real reason" behind showing the ring? Seriously... be honest with yourself, its to make people envious. No other reason. If you were engaged, common sense would dictate there's a ring involved, no need to fault it. Unless you like to equate emotional love to phsyical things. Hence the reason too, why your dream wedding is so extragant.

Come on, is it that serious?

Have an awesome dress, have it at an exclusive resort, invite 1/3 of the people, and I bet you could afford it. No need to make it some big corny overblown orgy of excess & jealous. Think small intimate and elegant, then have a party for all your friends. Thats the economical way to doing a wedding.

As a "friend", you should apologize for being so insensitive, then plan something small with NO bridemaids. That will avoid the drama all together.

True its your wedding, and its all about you, but in reality its NOT all about you. LOL...

Answer 3

Hi

problem 1 ) It may not be what you want right now but how about consulting the justice of the peace to get married , and have a hell of a wedding reception . Or consult with a wedding planner to get an idea of how much the wedding will cost depending on what you want . Get family and friends to chip in with things such as the wedding invitations , cooking , the cake .

Start saving

Problem 2 ) The bridesmaid I would not be to concerned about her but talk things out with her before the wedding so their will not be any hard feelings or awkwardness between the 2 of you .

Whatever you decide good luck

C

Answer 4

This may come out rude, and I'm completely sorry if it does, you should be happy right now, and I'm not trying to take you off of the engagment high.

I understand that most people have an idea of the type of wedding you want, but if you are this stressed out about one day being perfect, what kind of marriage are you setting your self up for? Weddings aren't sad occasions, and are some changes from your masterplan going to really affect you celebrating your love with your fiance? Yes, weddings aren't cheap. I'm getting married in August of this year, and I know first hand how quick things adds up, but I think you might be slightly outta focus on things. I've read tons of magazines and flipped through books and the sooner you realize that it won't be perfect, the sooner you can breathe, and start enjoying things more.

Some friends will be jealous. Humans are jealous creatures. But this news is new so to speak, give her time to process and I'm sure she will be thrilled for you.

Again, I'm sorry if this ticks you off, but you sound like you are on the fast track to bridezillaville, and your missing the point of the wedding.

Answer 5

First, find out how much it'll cost to have your wedding before freaking out as to where you'll get the money. Second, you don't need an expensive wedding for it to be a great wedding, only losers think that if you invest money in a wedding that it'll make them happy. Besides you can always elope, same effect, just less showy, anything over that should be a bonus. Either way planning is good, so plan!

Second, she's probably jealous, but she may not even realize it, so she may or may not ruin your wedding. Ask how she feels about being your bridesmaid.

Answer 6

First take a deep breath and be happy for your engagement. Congrats!!! Enjoy the moment of showing off your ring and bragging to everyone.

Next, when all girls were younger we wanted to have the Cinderella wedding but when we got older we realize that this stuff costs money. Your wedding day will go so fast that you will not remember half your guests or the way the centerpiece looked, instead you will remember your husband smiling at the end of the eisle and taking sooooooo many pictures. We had a beautiful wedding on a budget at a church (which was free) and I would not change it for the world.

Finally, you need to sit down with your friend and see if she can handle the responsibilities of being your bridesmaid. You should never feel obiligated to have someone as your bridesmaid just because they are your friend. Have someone who is going to be there for you and not act like a brat. Just sit down and talk to her about her feelings and way she acted like that towards you.

Most importantly it is your wedding and you should not have to comform to others, YOU should be the center of attention!!! Don't get too stressed out then all the fun is going to be taken out of the whole experience. Good Luck girl!!!!

Answer 7

Problem #1. If you really want to marry your fiance, then whatever kind of wedding it is doesn't matter. Take a hard look at your parent's finances, and you might find that they are close to being broke. Times are getting tough, look at the way the stock market has been for the last three years, everyone is losing.
Problem #2. Yes she is probably a little jealous, and even resentful. She married and divorced a loser. Don't you think that she wishes she was as lucky as you are. Don't flaunt the ring, in her face, so that she is reminded that she lost out on what you have.

Answer 8

Problem one: All you can do is save for your wedding it doesn't have to be the most glam thing ever. Do what you can afford to do you when you can do it. Whatever you do, don't put it on credit cards make a budget, get another job, save save save! You don't have to get married tomorrow let alone this year. We all dream of that big wedding but sometimes it's just not feasible esp. with the costs of a wedding these days. Did you talk to you future hubbies family maybe they can help and will understand. It doesn't have to be the old fashion way of the bride's family paying for everything. Maybe you could split it three ways his family, your family and you guys to help lessen a huge burden on one family.

Second problem: Although it might be hard to do try to ignore her if she can't be happy for you and she doesn't seem supportive. If it's bothering you that much, arrange a get together to talk to her and find out what is going on in her head. If she is still unresponsive, I'm sure there is someone else out there that would love to stand up for you and be your bridesmaid that might be more supportive. You don't need the added stress of her not being happy and supportive on your big day. I went through the same thing and while it sucked, I finally said "If you can't be happy for me, you're out! Sorry but it is what it is."

Don't worry it will all fall into place worse comes to worse you have a small wedding or elope and have a small get together later on when you can afford it like your one year anniversary or something. Do what's going to make you guys happy don't worry about anyone else and their feelings it's your day!

Answer 9

First, have a small wedding. Take the next year to save up some money, and have the wedding of your dreams on your first (or 2nd or 5th) anniversary.

We got married last Saturday at my Dad's house, with Jason's sandwiches, cake and punch for the reception and flowers we ordered online. It was a beautiful, simple wedding and cost us about $300. We are having our formal church wedding in October. It's small, early afternoon with the reception at a friend's house. That way, we don't have to have a full dinner - hors d'ouevers only. Also, I got my dress at GroupUSA - under $400!

Second, ask her what is going on. Tell her that you really want her to be a bridesmaid, but you need her to be happy for you. Talk about whatever is bothering her. It may make you better friends!

Answer 10

Gee, you are all grown up now. Congrats! You and your guy should be paying for your own wedding. Too bad it won't be the wedding of your dreams but, hey, you get the guy. A year and a half is a long time to spend. You bought a condo! Well, there was your dream wedding. Just go to a jp, have a little reception for close friends and family in your new condo.
Consequences come as a result of our choices. Time for you to mature. Fast. Before your bf reads any of this.....