Background: both our families live in the same town where we grew up. We now live 3 hours away, in a different state. My family is loud and quite different than his. In addition, I have a sister who is "married" to a woman and the two have a child together. Strange, perhaps, but all families are!
Problem: My mother-in-law has told my husband that she will not come to my son's birthday party (3 years old) if my sister and the baby are going to be there. We are willing to have the party anywhere--my family's house, his family's house, a neutral place, but it does not matter to her. (Might be important: she's not an "old" mom, she's only in her 50's!)
Husband wants me to plan and implement two separate parties (from 3 hours away). I say, she should attend the party I plan for both families, as this is her ONLY grandchild. (I won't even go into the glass house hypocracy that she is taking part in here!) I do NOT want to change her beliefs, but I do think they could be put asside
2007-03-16 08:09:18 · 8 answers · asked by Bookworm4224 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This party is for the child, not your mother-in-law, so etiquette does not require that you throw a separate party for her. If her beliefs or feelings make it uncomfortable to attend when certain other guests are present, then that it her problem, not yours.
Tell her you are very sorry that she will be unable to attend, but if she changes her mind and decides her grandson is more important than avoiding your sister, then she is more than welcome. Offer to meet her for lunch or something so she can spend some time with her grandson on his borthday.
Tell your husband that Dear Abby and Ann Landers always say the same in this situation - if a guest does not want to attend for any reason, and you can offer a reasonable accomodation (cooking a non-meat dish for a vegan, etc) but you do NOT have to change the entire party to suit one guest.
No matter where you hold the party, the guest should be respectful of your "house rules," which include being civil to other guests. Your mother-in-law can ignore your sister or sit on the other side of the room, but she is not allowed to start a fight or make rude comments.
2007-03-16 09:32:06 · answer #1 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd try very calmly try to explain to her that your son's birthday party is for him and that by not coming together as a family could hurt him. If you put it this way and use "I" language. Ex: I feel that having all the family together is important to the development of my child. Then hopefully she will come around. If she does not I say have one party for both families, let her know thats what you are doing and invite her and her husband out to celebrate his birthday (just them), maybe lunch, picnic, trip to the zoo, museum, etc. If they want a separate gathering tell them it will have to be just them.
Sorry they are being like that. Mother in laws....
2007-03-16 08:39:12 · answer #2 · answered by metz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're completely right! You shouldn't have to cater to her, it's your son's birthday. If she doesn't want to come to the birthday of their only grandson, then that is her decision. Your husband should stand up for you. Having it at a neutral place like Chuck E. Cheese is a good idea, it's already loud in there so your family will blend in with the noise! You don't have to change her beliefs, but you're right, she should put aside her beliefs for a couple of hours to help celebrate her grandson's birthday. What does she expect you to do, ban your sister? She's your family. She doen't have the right to judge anyone, I don't think your husband should give in to her. If they don't come, that's their problem and they could celebrate with your son on their own, but you should only have one party!
2007-03-16 08:17:38 · answer #3 · answered by lovin' life... 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say, "I have a sister who is "married" to a woman and the two have a child together." No they don't. Two sets of ovaries don't produce children.
Everything else you say is accurate. Tell the woman to suck it up or stay home, it's all the same to you...
I am a 59 year old grandfather. I have some odd in-laws. In one case, I suck it up and go to most things this moron attends. If his grandmother is to immature to figure out what is important, so be it.
Sorry about the brutality but a 50 year old who is no older than this woman is deserves it.
2007-03-16 08:30:37 · answer #4 · answered by gimpalomg 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she loves your child and her son, she needs to put her differences aside. I would not have two different parties just to accommodate others. This is your child's birthday, not hers. If you were planning a party for your mother-in-law, that would be a different story. What would this be teaching your child? If her heart is that cold, then maybe she does not need to be at the party. I would tell her when you are having the party and if she will not come, then she needs to make another trip at another time to visit. But, I would not have two parties just to make her happy. I have one party for my children. My parents are divorced and remarried and both sides of the family attend. They do this for the love they have for my children.
2007-03-16 08:19:02 · answer #5 · answered by mom of 2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I would say if your mother-in-law cares more about her own prejudices than her grandson's birthday party, let her stay home! It's her loss, not yours.
As far as planning two parties; why should you go to all that trouble just to cater to your mother-in-law's ignorance?
If your husband wants two parties, fine and dandy...he can plan the other one. After all, it's HIS mother....
2007-03-16 08:18:53 · answer #6 · answered by Sally G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she chooses not to attend it will be her loss. If she chooses miss out on the opportunity to spend time with her family because of her own beliefs then that is her issue. She doesn't have to accept your sister's relationship, but that doesn't give her the right to loose out with the rest of the family.
2007-03-16 08:22:58 · answer #7 · answered by Rico 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is it in person-friendly words your acquaintances and some kinfolk? Its your daughter's birthday party, proper? I say you should in person-friendly words in person-friendly words invite your acquaintances in the journey that they've youthful ones that your daughter likes to play with.. :) once you've room for all of your acquaintances then, with assistance from all means invite them. If no longer in person-friendly words invite daughter's associates and kinfolk. Oh, and also you should do thrilling stuff like pin the tale on the donkey, and a pinata. or you should do 2 activities, one with people you get excitement from, and one with people your daughter enjoys. wish I helped!!! best of success, girlie!
2016-11-26 00:16:36 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋