Bridal Shower Dilemna! What should i do?

Question

OK. So I have 4 older sisters (much older! 15 years is the gap between me and my youngest sister). They are all married with children already. I just got engaged and I know my sisters will want to throw me a shower. The problem is with my extended family. All of my female cousins were invited to all of my sisters showers because my sisters knew my cousins well as they were similar ages. But for me, I have never talked to any of my cousins because I was always little when we use to family get-togethers and now I never see them ever. It would feel EXTREMELY akward if they came and I am already a very shy person. What should I do when my sisters bring up the topic of a shower to me? Should I Just tell them straight out, I dont want my cousins there? Would that be mean of me to do since all my sisters would obviously enjoy seeing my cousins and talking to them?
Its kind of a weird subject and I dont think my sisters are aware of the fact that I've never really talked with my cousins.

Also, they are not being invited to the wedding. We are getting married out of state and then having a very small reception afterwards

Answer 1

No one should EVER be invited to a shower that isn't invited to the wedding. That goes so far beyond tacky that there isn't even a word for it. Seems to me that gets you off the hook. You shouldn't be having a shower since you are having such a small wedding.

Answer 2

First you need to decide whether or not you want to invite them to your wedding. If they're not invited (personally invited, not "and family" as I said in the other question) they shouldn't be coming to the shower. It would be rude and tacky to invite them to give a gift at the shower (the whole point of a shower) but not honor them with sharing your joy and a meal at the actual "main event." Like inviting someone to a concert only to see the opening acts, not the headliner, but making them pay for the ticket.

Your sisters will probably ask you for a list. When they do, you give them a list of everyone invited to the wedding, with a mark to show who to extend the shower invite to. This way, they will see that the cousins are not invited to the wedding so shouldn't be included in the shower.

Answer 3

Tell your sisters that you only want your close friends and relatives there. Also, tell your sisters that you really prefer only to have people that are attending the wedding come to the shower. It's your shower, you should be able to have a say. Plus, if you invite people to the shower that are not invited to the wedding, they may think you are just being greedy. There is a website below that you might find helpful for your shower and your wedding. Congratulations and Good Luck!!

http://www.etiquettehell.com/content/eh_wedding/bridalshwr/ebridshower.shtml

Answer 4

I would think that, if your sisters are giving the shower, the decision is theirs.

As others have suggested, this might be an excellent time for you all to get to know each other.

Unless they are really horrible people (which isn't what it sounds like here, just that you were so much younger), this can be a wonderful thing.

Everyone's a grown-up now, so the age differences are less important than they were when you were, say, 5 and they were grown.

It's a glorious thing when relatives become friends -- this might just be when that happens. Don't cut yourself off from the possibility.

Answer 5

If your shower is a surprise shower then you are simply SOL. If this is something that you know the date of and who is planning it, then give them an invitation list with the names and addresses of the people that you want to attend. I went the route of saying, "here is my guest list for the shower, that way you won't have to over buy invitations". If they ask why so and so is not on the list, simply say, I have not seen them in years and I really do not know them, sorry.

Answer 6

I would let them invite them. You never know what could happen. You may bond with one of them and become very close. If it really does bother you however I would approach the subject now and maybe ask your sisters for advice as far as inviting them to the wedding. I think your family may enjoy seeing them just as you said. I had people at my wedding that I didn't even know LOL and they werent even family but friends of my parents. I am extremely shy also and just didn't talk to them. I was gracious enough to Thank them for coming but that is pretty much it.

Answer 7

Ok, I know exactly what you are talking about. My oldest sister is 14 years older. Just have them invite all the family they want there - come on - it's a family event, not just your event - though it is in honour of you, it's for everyone to get together and have fun. Do this something nice for your sisters and don't say anything; why would you want to hurt them? Just be nice and polite - and GRATEFUL.

Answer 8

If they're not invited to the wedding they should not be invited to the bridal shower. period. You can give your sisters a list of female guest that will be at the wedding so that way they don't over invite.

Answer 9

If they arent invited to the wedding or your small reception after then it is very bad etiquette to invite them to your shower as it looks like a gift grab and nothing else. Problem solved!

Answer 10

I think that it would be rude of you to not invite them. they are your family weither or not you talk to them, and yeah this could be an ice breaker for you and them. and besides they wont spend the whole time with you more than likely they will be with your sisters. but i would invite them that way there are no hard feelings towards you and your sisters. and look at it his way the more the merrier and the more gifts that youll recieve. and also are you going to invite them to the wedding?