I am looking for everyones opinions on this young woman.......?

Question

I know a mom who...
-frequently pawns her kids off on others (including 1 stranger,,,long story) just so she can drink and party.
-pays no attention to her kids
-does not teach her kids proper cleanliness
-there is no dicipline, and therefore the kids do what ever when ever.
-the kids don't get proper medical care
-they have never seen a dentist
-the daughter was allowed to handle an opened can of some sort and she just about cut the tip of her thumb off
-mom doesn't work and yet wants everything done for her
-is so lazy that she can't even was her kids cloths but washes hers
-will bundle herself up in warm clothes/jackets but will neglect to put a jacket on her kids because she "doesn't feel like finding it"
-has parties w/ her children present
-DCYF has been involved because the kids were going to the neighbors saying they were hungry
-the 21/2 year old can't even talk because mom doesn't "have the time to help her learn"
-won't give custody to the dad cause of the $$$$

I am hoping to get enough responses so I can show her that this is no way to raise kids....

~~~I will answer any questions that are posted~

She has 2 kids ages 5 and 2.

She isn't depressed she is selfish.

Protective services says it isn't bad enough to remove the kids and closed the case unfounded.

friends/neighbors have tried to help but she burnes her bridges.

the husband/dad left b/c he couldn't handle how lazy she was and how selfish.

he is now trying to get the kids

~~~To straighten things out a bit...

1. I'm not her friend, I'm a worker @ her kids daycare
2. I did report her.
3. I'm not the dad but I have meet him and he seems good with the kids.

I am not the only one to have called. I would do anything for these kids, they are beautiful and have so much desire to learn...they just need guidence

SHE ACTUALLY WANTS MORE KIDS!!!!! I don't know what else to do!!

Would it be going to far to follow her and document what she does with these kids?? Take pics maybe?????

DCYF didn't get to see the whole picture. They called 3 days ahead of time to tell her they were comming...she was then able to make everything look great, the kids were clean......

Answer 1

Social services won't do ANYTHING until one of those kids end up dead unless all the neighbors work together to help these babies. It happened here in Kansas, two little girls deprived while their step-sibs got, these girls were caught in the school trash trying to get more food, the family was reported over and over, and nothing was done til one died, and the other was close to following her sister. Organize the neighbors to rescue these kids please.

Answer 2

Ha. Sadly, I have been through this one all too well. I was one of the lucky ones, though.

My mother was quite the party-goer. She loved being at, hosting, and just partying in general. She wouldn't wash anyone else's clothes, and yet every night her party clothes were straight into the washer. She was spoiled, selfish, and many nights she spent telling us that we would never be good enough, pretty enough, or smart enough to be invited to her type of party. 4 kids. We were cold. We were hungry.

My dad was pissed.

No mother should treat children like that. If she "doesn't feel like finding it [jackets]", then maybe she shouldn't have had the kids in the first place. The mother "doesn't have the time to help her [2 1/2 year old] learn [to speak]" then where does she find the time to party? As far as proper medical care, when DCYF was contacted, why were the children not removed?

As far as the money, if she is so worried about the money then maybe she should lay off the alcohol, stay away from the parties, find a JOB, or just give the kids to the father, because it's evident that he has better means to support children that need to be loved.

Not to say she doesn't love her kids, but she obviously has some self issues she needs to deal with before she can raise the kids she brought into the world.

There are far too many "mistakes" here to call them mistakes. Either take better care of the kids or give them up.

~Lish~

Answer 3

I'm not sure if this will work or not - but keep a disposable camera at work and keep a log of issues with dates, times, other coworkers comments (as long as they are willing to get involved) and pics of:
kids with out coats in cold weather
dirty clothes and bodies
what they had for dinner and b-fast
ask about anything unusual (don't specifically say parties - let the kids tell you)

If you take pics - you may want something with the date on it - like a newspaper so they have (hopefully) less to dispute.

Will others call on her (again)? Can you call again or would that be "harassment"?

If they have cuts, bruises, etc. ask were they came from and how they were treated. If one of the little ones "just about cut the tip of her thumb off" and was not seen by a doctor and had not been check for or had a tetanus shot, that MAY be neglect. I don't know the legalities.

You may want to post this in the Legal area to see if you can get some legal input.

It is so dang hard to get kids away from a bad parent. My prayers are with those kids and you for trying to get them into a better life. Take care.

Answer 4

I worked as a social worker in NY (had to quit after 3 years, too stressful), I would have sat on this lady until she straightened up or lost her kids. It sounds like there is a dad who would make the better custodial parent and she needs to quit being a selfish and greedy sob and do what's right for her kids, give them to dad.

You aren't doing her any favors by not telling DCYF all that you know about the welfare of the children. I had a friend like this and had to testify against her in court for the sake of her children. These children will grow up to be awful people if you don't do something now. The medical and cleanliness issues should be enough to get those kids out of her custody.

I was always taught that ones friends are a reflection of ones self. Think about that when you hang out with her next.

Answer 5

Do not follow her to get evidence of her neglect. If you do that she can report you for stalking/harrasment. Everyone at your work needs to document every case of the children not being properly cared for. Write down every little thing. As child care workers you are obligated to report any suspicions of abuse or neglect. I work in a child care center also and if we are concerned about a situation, we document it for a little while (timeline depends on severity of problem) and then the director of our facility will meet with the parent and voice our concern. At that point, we will tell the parent that either they need to report themselves and ask for help or we will report them. If this doesn't seem like a viable option, we will just report them everytime there is a problem. Eventually child services will get the picture.

In your case, it might be good to have a meeting with both parents after you have documented some of the issues with the children for a few weeks. At the very least this may give the dad some leverage in a child custody case.

Answer 6

I dont know if you answered this yet or not, but have you explained to the father? With this kind of information and neglect and taken to court, he will most definatly get full custody. If you do call socialservices (if you haven't already) they will more than likely go and inspect everything, question the mother then question the kids. If it seems bad enough, they will take them away. If this is what will happen, if I were you I would tell the father immediately. There is really nothing you can do but just report her. Sorry, I'm not much help, but thats what I would do in your situation.

Answer 7

I know a mom that was the exact same way. DCS never took the children it was the police officers that came to her house to check on the kids and the kids were taken to the hospital for dehydration and maul nutrition... DSC come to her house multiple times but never done anything other than talk to her. I'm not sure why the police showed up to check on the kids but I think they said someone called and reported child endangerment. They were 1 1/2 year old twins and only one could even crawl. She no longer has custody of the children. The dad was in a custody battle for them at the time so he ended up with them and they are great now... I think its great that you are speaking up for them because they cant really do it for themselves...GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS you and the children..

Answer 8

I'd call DCYF again and let them know things aren't any better. I'd help the father get the kids out of that situation. This woman has no business with kids, pets or anything else that would need love and care. I'm mom to 3.

Answer 9

Yes you really need to contact DCFS(department of child and family services) to have them go to their the home UNSCHEDULED and have them investigate the situation. this sounds so horrible and sad, I'm glad that you are trying to make things right by doing this. get disposable cameras and when the children come in with anything wrong snap a shot and even of the mother if you can, especially when its cold and shes wearing a coat and they aren't. Tell the dad that he need to take her back to court again because he believes that the children's life's are stake and their education, he need to prove that she is an unfit mother with pictures and stories that are wrote out and signed by the neighbors and others that see what is going on. but the pictures of the house would help the most. also need to take the children to a specialist in speech to have them evaluated to show signs of neglect and the dentist too, he would need statements from you and others in the daycare and anyone who knows that she is unfit to keep the children. i really Hope that this gets resolved fast. what you said is considered child abuse and its against the law. i believe this woman that you are describing is an unfit mother and need to have her two children removed from her custody and placed with their father in a save environment.

Amanda Hortenstine

Answer 10

I believe, that welfare needs to be involved until these children are taken from her, and given to someone that will actually love & care for them.

she's putting these childrens lives in danger...the little girl, almost cutting the tip of her finger off, because she was allowed to play with a can...*shaking head*

What if it'd been something more serious than that???

I think the best thing you could do as a friend- Call child protection services on her, and get these babies into a home where they will be properly cared for, until she realizes there is more to having children, than just pushing them out.

Answer 11

instead of DCYF i think this woman needs help, what ever you feel the mothers can't be replaced may be she is in depression and needs help, find ways to take her to some support groups and volunteer to help kids in what ever way you can. may be agroup of neighbours and friends can get together nad take care of her and her kids, calling DCYF and sending the kids away is the easiet thing you can do...what would happen to the kids who still love their mom irrespective.
We as a society think of reporting and sending away, putting away we must try just a bit to help too.
If you can form a support group and help this family out. Have mercy on teh mom too, i saw you mentioned the custody, seems like a bitter divorce or something ...what do you think i will read again i wonder which state it is...