My boyfriend of FOUR years thinks I'm cheating!?

Question

OK, im not cheating on my boyfriend. He does have a history of cheating (not on me though). I decided that i needed some time to MYSELF for one weekend, and took an overnight job to pet sit. My boyfriend has my work phone number (which is next door to where i was pet sitting), and never called me. But he thinks im cheating on him with god only knows who. We've been together for four years, and we've been having some problems. He is overwhelming me, and that's why i took a weekend to just relax and hang out at work/pet sitting. What do i do? Should i cut him loose? This just adds to our other problems!

Just recently, I've been thinking about whether i am still in love with him or not. There are so many other issues involved. He has a heart condition, just landed himself in the hospital because he skipped a dr. appt and there was something wrong and they didnt pick it up, then he was released, and 2 days later accused me of the cheating. So, its very difficult being with someone who does not take care of their health, and i feel like i have many more responsibilities than he does. I work, he doesnt. I clean the apt, he doesnt. I do alot. And the funny thing is, when i came home after the pet sit, and he was in the hospital, the house was an absolute war zone. Something was majorly up...but he was NOT cheating in the apt. This is such a twisted story, right???

And i decided to take a weekend to myself so i could have some PEACE and QUIET for once to think by myself. And as i said, it wasnt really an "alone" weekend. I was working or pet sitting the whole damn time!!!

One last thing to add- when i was leaving to come to work (then stay over for the job)- he started treating me like a princess! waiting on me hand and foot! Then, when he gets back from the hosp (after accusing me of cheating)- he says "i wanted nothing but to be able to be back home with you"....what????? Maybe im mistaken, but i take it he was really insecure about me leaving. But i've done overnites in the past for work, so whats the big deal with this one? This was the shortest of them all! I've been gone for weeks at a time and never did this happen!!

Answer 1

You have already stated that you're questioning whether you still love him or not.....obviously you have your reasons for those thoughts & they're not in question here.......but could he possibly be picking up on that......because maybe you don't realise but your body language must be portraying those doubts somewhere. He doesn't know what it is exactly that's going on in your mind & fills the gaps in all by himself.......

I'm not saying you've brought it all on by yourself, I understand you two have other issues & quite honestly I could cope with anyone who had an illness, but if they refuse in any way to take responsibility for their health, then I'm afraid my question would be.....why the hell should I?
There must be quite a lot of other stuff for you to be wanting to "get away" & I also noted that right at the start almost of your question here....you asked "should I cut him loose"
is that what you want...but need clarification?......he's picking up on something I think & the most obvious thought that would go through his mind is "she must be cheating on me"
I think you need to be sorting out in your mind whether you're going to continue this relationship or just end it....because wasting time & energy on trying to prove wrong something that isn't even taking place is driving him crazy & not dealing with what the actual problem is...........which is your indecisiveness to cut him loose or not.......

Answer 2

First of all, you said he has a history of cheating himself. Hon, my opinion is that the guilty dog barks first. He is probably cheating on you and to keep you from accusing him he makes you feel bad by accusing you so you won't have time to think about whether he's cheating or not but instead how you can make him believe that you're not. Basically, he's trying to keep the crowd looking one direction while he steals some candy in the other.

I would say he is cheating but if you are unhappy, he doesn't have to cheat for the relationship to end. If you're not happy with him, then you need to leave anyway. I would keep a very watchful eye on him though now that he's starting these accusations.

If he can't trust you to be away from him one night without accusing you of cheating NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION IS/WAS then this 4 year relationship isn't what it should be. After 4 years he should trust you more than that and if he doesn't, then this relationship is not a true relationship. I was with my high school sweetheart for 2 years and married for 1 year on top of that. But I just couldn't trust him after some things that happened and it was EXTREMELY hard to split because we had invested so much time into each other. Sometimes relationships just need to end no matter how long you've been together. I know you don't want to lose 4 years but just ask yourself:

Would I rather lose 4 years of an okay relationship and possibly find a great relationship for a lifetime or stay in the 4 year relationship because we've invested so much time and possibly not be happy and end up spliting anyway.

Either way the choice is yours but it sounds like to me that you could find someone that would make you happier.

Answer 3

Well im in a 3 year relationship and have 2 kids and one step son and lately i have felt so stressed and my boyfriend got laid off in january so having him in the house all the time is alot more stressfull so i have been taking alot of shopping trips to just get away from everything and be alone and he also thinks that im cheating on him (im not) arguing will just be more stressfull so i just ignore him and tell him if that is what you want to think thats your problem i know the truth and deep down he know that i would never do that

Just dont pay any attention to him when he trys to say that you are cheating on him??? Hope this helped

Answer 4

Oh my gosh... your boyfriend sounds very selfish and overbearing! Since you don't have a marriage commitment, he may feel that he could loose you at any time which is the legal truth. I don't know what your thoughts are about marriage, but when my husband and I married, it was a lifetime commitment, in it for the long haul... however, we have been having fun "dates" for the last 33 years. Marriage, for us, has not been a prison, but a freeing relationship to be faithfully adoring. Sure, there have been problems, but since we think of marriage as a life time commitment, we have done the hard work of working things out.

Good luck with your relationship!!!

Answer 5

If he is overwhelming you then you should consider taking alot more time off. However, you should realize that if you do that he will most likely find someone else. The fact that you took the time off in the first place sort of implies that it may be someone else who you are with. Did you explain to him how you felt or why you wanted to take time off? if you didn't then you can't blame him for jumping to conclusions. How would you feel? If you want to be with him you need to talk about the relationship. Don't take any time off until you have talked about it. If you do need to separate then make sure that you are ready for the possibility that he won't come back.

Answer 6

You know, it may be that HE is looking for a way to end the relationship and thinks accusing you of a pretty bad act makes it an acceptible reason for him to say Sayonnara. It sounds like you are already prepared for the end. Needing to spend the weekend apart suggests you aren't really happy. Good Luck, I feel you are a pretty 'together' woman!

Answer 7

sounds like there's a lot more going on here. i'm not sure how well the two of you have been communicating lately, but it seems like it's time for a real chat. you need to find out why he feels this way so that you can modify your behavior, and he needs to learn why you needed some time alone. let him know you want to sit down and discuss this problem, and give him a little bit of time to really think about what is bothering him before you actually sit down. by each of you having clear expecations of what you want to say, it should go smoother, and you can get more acomplished.

Answer 8

Yes, cut him loose or leave him dangling by a thread. Call a timeout and let him twist in the wind for several days. He should come crawling back to you like a whipped puppy once you're done teaching him a lesson.

Answer 9

if you're not ready to walk away from this situation for good then put yourselves on a strict break from eachother. no contact for 2 - 3 weeks and no one F**Ks around because the whole purpose of this break is to help the both of you and have some clarity. when you start talking again like normal ... talk about where you two stand and then go from there.

Answer 10

This is tuff, I have been married for 12 years and I have somewhat the same problem. Much of it comes from my own insecurities, however you could probably help with a few minor changes to what you say and do.