Need advice for 4 year old in preschool?

Question

My son started preschool 2 mos ago and is having problems keeping his hands to himself. He pinches, throws toys and hits the other kids. His teacher thinks he doesn't understand that he's hurting the other children and that he has comprehension issues. This has been happening since day 1 but his 1st 3 weeks he brought home smiley faces, so i told him he was doing a good job. Come to find out, teacher gave him happy faces because she didn't want to send home bad remarks so early. She wants to meet with me and discuss his behavior. I met with her before to discuss the same thing and all she said was "i don't know what to do". He's not like this at home at all. I should preface this by saying that he is seeing a speech therapist because he is delayed in his speech. The therapist has offered to talk to the teacher and offer suggestions on how to deal with this situation. i gave the teacher the therapists numbers over a week ago and she still hasn't called. Any suggestions for my meeting?

Answer 1

I used to be a preschool teacher. Sounds like to me the reason he is hitting/pinching is because his speech is delayed and he doesn't know how to express himself verbally - so he does it physically. The teacher needs to tell him and show him how to handle situations appropriately if he's frustrated or upset with the other children. We don't pinch our friends - we tell them we don't like what they are doing. We use our words - if he's having trouble with speech the teacher needs to keep a closer eye on him and try and intervene before things get out of hand.

Answer 2

This sounds exactly like my four year old son. I will say when his speech finally got better, that helped with the hitting, etc. However, it didn't stop. He has seen several specialists, who believe he is sensory seeking. He feels better with the impact of the hit, because he gets that sensory input for a few seconds. He would even run into walls for the same reason. We took him to the Sensory Learning Institute in Boulder, CO, last summer. It was quite expensive, but the change has been amazing. The sensory seeking is much much less. We saw lots of therapists, but found not much happened until we took matters into our own hands and started looking for answers.
One suggestion I can give is that when your son is hitting, etc, the teacher should provide some other Sensory input. A firm touch (NOT enough to be painful) on the arm, rubbing his back, even a hug, will provide sensory input for a few minutes and may stop some of the behavior. Good luck!

Answer 3

I have worked with young children in the school district and find that consistency works best. Suggest that the teacher be consistent when disciplining him. The discipline needs to be age appropriate and needs to be administered with patience. For instance, each and every time he is aggressive towards someone, she should put him in a time out for 4 minutes. This may trigger him to throw a fit, but she needs to stand her ground no matter what. It is important that during the process (no matter how frustrated she gets) that she calmly makes him stay put and does not allow him to get up until he gets quiet and stays put. She needs to be sure and explain to him why he is in time out. "I cannot allow you to hit or throw toys at people. When you do this I have to put you in time out". Then when he is calm and finally stays put, she needs to praise his good behavior "Thank you for staying put. I am so proud of you. Now please tell ____ you are sorry". In about a weeks time, he will get the message that positive attention is far better than negative attention". You may also try asking him how he likes school and if he likes his teacher. There may be an underlying problem. Because he is speech delayed, he probably has trouble verbalizing what he feels. Also, 4 is still young. Just be patient. Good luck with this.

Answer 4

My son turned 5 a few months ago, he's a late talker, and he has a habit of throwing toys--though this has been going away. He's in preschool too. He doesn't pinch or hit...he's content to observe.

What I suggested to his teacher was that if he threw toys, take them away and don't let them play with them for a while. At my end, I took away any toys he threw, and his behavior there has been improving.

She should have told you up front that he was having issues...she might have actually encouraged this behavior by lying.

He might also be frustrated because of his speech limitations.

Answer 5

Maybe he is frustrated, if he can't communicate what he wants effectively he may be acting on his frustration with aggression. I would definetly ask the teacher to keep a log of the behavior and see if you can get to the reason he is behaving this way. Maybe you can take a day and go to school with your child. Try to watch from a window or observation area. If he does this, remove him from the class and talk to him right then about why he did it. He may be able to tell you what's wrong because you communicate with him everyday and he is comfortable around you. Also, I would see if the therapist can go with you to the meeting, or take a list of suggestions from the therapist with you. Good luck.

Answer 6

Well, the teacher should know how to handle this situation. Trust me, your child is not the first child she's had in her class that displays this kind of behavior, unless it's her first year. If he doesn't do those things at home then something in that environment is causing him to act out, maybe he's stressed there or not comfortable. The teacher should be removing him from the situation and putting him in time out, even taking away certain privileges the kids have there. She should have even more ideas since this is her profession. If she can't handle your child then the pre-school should provide you with another teacher who can. You can also punish him at home, take away a favorite toy for several days each time he misbehaves at pre-school. That's what we do with our daughter, or we will cancel something fun we have planned for her, like a movie or play date. It's hard and you feel bad, but it's very important to follow through. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Hows his home life?
Does he wacth the most
violent TV shows videos movies?
Do you fight with his mother in
front of him?
You don't sound abusive.
And whats happening in his class?
Are his peers the same (color age size),
any thing that can be checked should be checked!
Remember the teacher is not to raise the child its the parents
duty. You ask the therapist and call the teacher together or
anyway possible.
It could be the childs first ways of showing he needs help
and you may have to find that reason too?

Answer 8

1st of all that teacher is sending the child the wrong msg. by giving him a smiley face instead of what he deserves :( .. My child is in kindergarten and I would be very upset over this.. It send mixed msg.'s to the child. There might be a problem in the class room as to why the child is only acting this way in class. Someone might need to sit in on the clas to observe the situation. Yes kids will act out when there is a problem .. good luck..

Answer 9

He may need help recognizing that people need to have their own personal space. This is a common problem in children. How many times have you seen kids trying to get away from another kid who is invading thier space? Kids aren't taught spacial awareness - it's something they learn over time. I don't know where you are located, but you might look into some movement therapy (also known as dance therapy). No, it's not ballet class. It can help teach him spacial awareness and appropriate use of his body in general space as well as others' personal space. If this type of therapy is not available in your area, I would check into some behavioral therapy - if it seems like he doesn't understand that he's hurting the other kids, he may need some special help understanding that. Unfortunately, speech problems are often linked to other problems and this may be something more serious than just a kid who hits other kids. Best of luck to you.

Answer 10

You need to get your child into a different pre-school. Obviosly this one doesnt have the right skills to deal with your child. Any good school would be working very closely with you and your sons speach therapist to reslove this conflict. They should have also notified you the very first day that he had a problem, not waiting a few day's. That was very poor form on there part.