What would do if you had a family member who was consistently showing you no respect or appreciation , even after you go out of your way to be nice and help them? And if they treated their friends like gold and you like crap? Could or would you cut them off? or Would you keep trying to make things work over and over again, because they are a family member?
2007-03-16 06:22:54 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't expect any thank yous or anything like that and I like doing things nice for people and NEVER expect anything in return. That's just my nature and I have always been that way.
2007-03-16 06:44:39 · update #1
The is the story of my life my family treats me like a redheaded step child to the point of emotional and some physical abuse. I'd like to say that my emotional health is far more important than a bond to my family whom i believe isn't essentially filling their roles as family since they do more criticizing and no uplifting. The problem with abusive relationships is that when i work up the courage to get out of it, I'm drawn back by pity for the abuser. Also the fear of being alone and not having anyone else to fall back on keeps me coming back. They only have to say it won't happen again or that they love me and i come back. But the more self-sufficiency i find and the more i am capable of seeing this pattern the better i am at preparing myself for a complete cut-off. Even if i still feel that tie to them there is a point when i evaluate the pros and cons of the relationship, no toxic relationship is worth saving when the cons significantly outweigh the benefits or when the person you are in this relationship with refuses to meet you on the same level of mutual change to benefit you both. Enough becomes enough and then i'm out.
2007-03-16 06:31:37 · answer #1 · answered by LoveLeighe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been in this situation and I just distanced myself from him. I could never completely cut off a family member. I just care too much about them to put them out of my life completely. However, I did like I said distance myself from this person for a while and it helped me. I see him at family functions and am nice to him, but don't hang out with him anymore like I used to. I would still be there for him, if he was ever in trouble or needed me though. I'm just that way. Family is very important to me.
2007-03-16 06:51:40 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everything is possible. Almost but this yes. You should tell them how you feel and ask them why you are so different from their friends and have them give you a specific answer. I mean it should be that they just blow you over like your nothing to them because it think of it like the Garth Brooks song " Burning Bridges ", their friends arent going to be there for them forever. You will, you are their family so they will need to keep the bridge up with you so they can cross it to get to you if they need help. That is a good way to look at it. Try it. I wish you luck...
2007-03-16 06:29:00 · answer #3 · answered by robertson_c92 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Young. My oldest child is 20. He quit school in 11th grade, beat someone up and was involved in a hit run when he was 18. He was sentenced to 2 years parole, but only showed up for two months so there was a warrant for his arrest. I paid $800 to bail him out. He wrecked his dads car and I paid for the tow truck (his dad lives in TX I live in TN) and I paid for the Taxi. Then, he made a "terroristic" threat by telling some guy he would kill him if he ever saw him again, then he was on the run. I always wired him money. Then he shows up here and I let him live with me. He was disrespectful to me, and I wrote a letter outlining exactly what I expect from him. Then he beat his 18 year old brother up, called me, told me he wished his brother would die, said, "FU&K You mom!" and hung up. At that point I realized he will never take the blame for himself or help himself and I told him he could never come back to my house.
Talk about pain in my heart and soul, and it's only been five days. I love that boy with everything in me but it's time he act like an adult, and as long as I keep babying him and bailing him out of trouble, he will never grow up.
2007-03-16 06:42:18 · answer #4 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My brother has made the choice to cut us off from his life. He is married for the third time. His wife made him choice between her and the rest of the family(that is only my mother, me, and my two sons) He has always been there for my kids. He told my mom that he had to live his own life and he didnt have a place for any of us. So I have not spoken to him in 3 yrs now. But my future husband wanted me to see if i could get in touch with him and I did Christmas Eve. He told me to never call him again so there fore I will not do it again. I have lost a brother to his wife and my mother a son.
2007-03-16 11:15:14 · answer #5 · answered by lz_adam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut them of completely..Disown them from your family..I have and it's great...The way I see it is they are "blood " and that's all you can't take that away but they aren't FAMILY unless then earn your respect. SO if you don't have respect why even consider them family just because of blood...I don't think so.In life as in family each individual is a person to another until there is that bond and RESPECT without it there is nothing..Don't waste your time on that individual when you could be sharing that time wiht those who do care.
2007-03-16 06:31:23 · answer #6 · answered by cloudrr79 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all anyone with any self-respect, does not treat anyone badly. Be happy you are not them, and live in their heart and head.
You must respect yourself first and foremost in this situation because your negative feelings about this family member's behavior is affecting you whether you know it or not...think of how contracted you feel even thinking about their crap behavior. Only you can decide whether you will benefit from creating distance...maybe you could practice. Distance yourself and see if you feel better? Don't distance yourself and see if you feel better? Ultimately where do you feel the most love for your self?
2007-03-16 06:31:59 · answer #7 · answered by Suzanne 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have never cut off family members but my daughter has cut me off from my grandchildren for almost 3 years now. After she had lived with me for over a year took care of her while she was pregnant with her son and provided most of her household furniture when she did finally move out.
2007-03-16 10:01:02 · answer #8 · answered by wildirishrose19522000 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't always have to accept the gift that someone gives you. What does "going out of my way" to be nice and helpful. It sounds like you are being selfish, what is nice? and what is helpful.. Maybe, you are the only one that thinks that you are so "kind and helpful" maybe you are simply a person that expects some kind of "thank you" for everything you do because you are not doing the things for the sake of doing it, but because you 'expect' something in return. Well, no wonder you no respect, it is because you are not giving out the right things... Step down from the pulpit for awhile and walk with us regular folk for awhile and try to be kind for the sake of kindness, not because you are in a competition of who is more nice than the other.
2007-03-16 06:38:05 · answer #9 · answered by Che K 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I don't think you could actually cut someone out of your family because no matter what thats family. Even though I know that you probably love to cut out of your life, cause trust me, i hsve some that I would to. But it always boils down to the fact that he or she is blood.
2007-03-16 06:29:37 · answer #10 · answered by Vonne W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋