My bf likes to go to bars & clubs without me, is this appropriate?

Question

Why is it that I get jealouse everytime he does this?? I should trust him and I think I do but it still bothers me. I think of bars and clubs and I think this is where single people hang out -
true or false? I want to be okay about it but I'm not. Should I break up with him so he could be free to do what he wants or should I stay with him and regulate his going out?

He does take me at times, but usually it's because I can't make or it's becuase he goes out on a week night.
I do go out with my friends too but when I go to bars & clubs I get hit on...a lot! So this gives me the feeling that it's for singles!

He does take me at times, but when I don't go it's because I can't make or it's becuase he goes out on a week night.
I do go out with my friends too but when I go to bars & clubs I get hit on...a lot! So this gives me the feeling that it's for singles!

Answer 1

This is normal. You should go out and enjoy yourself instead of sitting around being miserable. If you've trusted him up until now then don't create any problems. Bars and clubs are for everyone who wants to go and enjoy themselves. You should find a hobby or do some volunteer work. Worry about something that's worth worrying about.

Answer 2

You are involved in a committed relationship. What you are feeling is normal. Maybe discussing this more with your b/f will help. Trusting him is only part of this issue. The other part is not trusting other females and wondering if he has nothing to hide why you can't go with him. I don't think giving you room to doubt his actions is healthy. Why would he want to give you reason to doubt him? Also do people talk about him being out without you? Does it reflect a negative on your relationship? I try to avoid putting myself in a position to create gossip. So and so sees your man at the bar and he may just be telling a female where the restroom is but the story comes back to you that he was with some girl yada yada yada...now its a run away train...too messy! The best way to avoid this is to do the bar scene together. If he needs guy time he can hang out at the ball court or fishing or whatever the guys do together that doesn't include the bar. He would feel the same way you feel if you were the one going to bars.

Answer 3

The question should be why does he go out without you. Do you like going out to bars/clubs? Did you meet in a bar or club? Some people need to go out to be a part of the scene. Some have friends who hang out in bars/clubs. Have you ever had a girls night out? Just you and some female friends, tell the bf, but don't tell him where you are going. If he is against it, then he is probably too controling.

Answer 4

OMG... Regulate him?
Let's clarify, have you ever been invited? Do you want to go? Have you asked? If it's a new relationship, maybe you should slow down and see other people. If it's not, maybe there -is- a problem, but you have no proof. Be honest with yourself, if there is a nagging feeling of mistrust inside, it might mean something's up. Just make sure it's not your own insecurity with yourself that's ruining the relationship. Try to have your own fun, or see if he minds you joining him once in a while. If he's adamant about you -never- coming with him, then, it becomes obvious. Otherwise, there's not a helluva lot for adults to do for fun in most towns, he might just be bored. Also, harmless flirting is... well.. harmless. He may be checking to make sure he's still got "it". Have you been distant? Disinterested?

Answer 5

I think it might be a bit strange if he goes out to bars and clubs all by himself, but I don't see anything particularly threatening if he goes out with his friends (male or female) just to have a good time. Bars and clubs ARE NOT just for single people.

You say that you do go with him when you can make it, so it's not like he's deliberately excluding you from joining him or he only goes out when you're not with him. You also say that you go out with your friends to bars and clubs without him. That sounds a bit hypocritical to me; so what if he or you get hit on "a lot"? Neither of you can help that, unless either of you is flirting back and inviting said attention of the opposite sex.

If you stay with him and try to "regulate his going out", one of two scenarios will happen. He might choose to respect your wishes and not go out to bars and clubs without you; this is likely to have a negative affect on his friendships with others, to the point where he spends every non-working moment smothering you. But he might also choose not to respect your wishes and do what he wants anyway; this is likely to have a negative affect on your relationship, to the point where he spends every non-working moment with his friends.

There needs to be that trust in any healthy relationship, and if you feel that there isn't, then the best solution is to break up with him and let him do what he wants. It's great that you want to be okay with his behavior (because you shouldn't be jealous, I don't think he's doing anything wrong), but don't force yourself to suppress your feelings; be honest with yourself if you can't handle it.

Answer 6

You did not say how old you were but I think that in any relationship if one partner is constantly stepping out to bars or clubs, it could mean that they are lacking something, it could mean they need more socialization or it could mean they are out on the prowl for something better. I would go with him a few times and get a feel of what he is all about, it maybe that he has a network of friends that he hangs out at a particular spot, and he justs wants to spend time with his friends. I'd be careful, but don't be too quick to tie him loose without having all your data gathered. Good luck.

Answer 7

Doesn't sound like a very solid relationship. Better start looking else where for a lasting partner.
Next time he goes, just tell him go ahead but you're also going out. If he gets angry, then that's a big red flag for you. Does he expect you to stay home, while he's out having fun. No way, should you ever do this. You have a life too!

Answer 8

I go through this everythime i want to go out w/ the guys. its kinda bogus because my fiance wont be 21 for a few months when she dos turn, im sure shell be w/ us alot more but. Guys need their space sometimes. if you trust'm their shouldnt be a problem. if he respects you he'll call a couple times during the night and be home at a decent hour. i know you're worried about all the " what ifs" but i mean if he cheats on you, then obviously he's a piece of **** anyway and you should cut'm loose. trying to keep him from going out will just cause problems and if he's gonna cheat, he's gonna cheat whether he's at the club or at mcdonalds getting lunch. talk about it make comprimises and trust him, cause thats all you can do love.

Answer 9

once in a while, sure, let him go out and have some Him Time... however, if it's constant, be concerned.

What would he do if you wanted to go? would he freak? or would he maybe take you once?

I could see him not wanting to take you all the time, but if he totally refuses, I'd take that as a warning sign.

at 36, I gave up on bars/clubs as they were too 'meat market' like... there are people that do just hang out, but I notice the meat market aspect more.

regulating his 'going out' will not work... you need to accept or move on.

Answer 10

i agree with you that your bf going out to bars/clubs w/o you is bad. (even worse if he's with his friends) but i do think you should give him the benefit of the doubt, b/c trust is very important in a relationship. why don't you try asking him why exactly does he favor the clubs so much? and why is there a problem with you going?