How much longer should I wait for a proposal?

Question

After dating 6 months my boyfriend talked about marriage openly but in limited quantities. It is now going on year 4 and I blew past my self quotas of "If he doesn't ask by day x then I should move on."

I love him alot and I don't want to have to ask for a ring. I am sure he would give one but I want him to want to give it to me. He says that it is going to happen after grad school but it keeps getting put off and it keeps upsetting me to tears. I try and share my feelings about it but he has no advice for me even though he is the advice king to his friends. He has the money and both our parrents love each other.
He genuinly says he wants to marry me and that he loves me and that he is shopping but he also has been shopping for a new car for 5 years and a computer for 4 years. Should I suck it up and ruin the spontaneity of his proposal by asking? I gave up jobs to stay in town for him and his dreams I don't understand why he can't return the gesture of sacrifice.

We don't live togeather.

I can wait for marriage I just want to have a good faith sign with a ring and a date. Even if the date is 4 years from now.

Answer 1

I'm sorry to say it, but I'm not so sure you did the right thing to give up job opportunities for him and his dreams when he wasn't committed to you by marriage.

He sounds like a procrastinator anyway, but you must understand that if you are living with him already, that is a huge disincentive for a man to marry you. The reason is that he is getting the benefits already without having to commit. Basically, it becomes a matter of "what's the point?" What would he really be gaining?

I don't think you should ask him to marry you. A man who really wants to commit to one woman will ask her. If you ask him, he's really just agreeing to it because you ask. He's not making a genuine gesture of love like he would be doing if he were to ask you.

By continuing to extend your quotas, you've already shown him that you are willing to continue to give him the benefits without him giving you what you really want in return.

My suggestion is to cut your losses and let him know of your intention to move on (and mean it)! If he really wants a commitment, he'll ask you for marriage.

Good luck!

EDIT: I'm encouraged to know that you are not living together. I apologize if I came across as presumptuous!

Answer 2

I am in a similar relationship. Coming from the mans side I would say maybe he has a couple of hang ups about the relationship that he is not sure about. For me I have to say trust is the hang up in mine. Thats because of a past relationship. Are you trusted 100%. I would say you may have to ask him. It may seem inappropriate but what is the difference if you end up getting married because of it. But don't ask him jokingly though. Put your heart into it for real.

Answer 3

wait untill he's ready for the final commitment.. I don't imagine you want to hear this but I consider pressuring a guy into marriage is the same as a guy pressuring a girl into sex.

I'm sure your marriage will go much more smoothly and have a better chance of working out if you wait untill he's ready..

marriage is a big commitment for everyone involved, and to work out I think its better to wait till everyones ready to get into it..

Plus I think it will make his proposal much more meaningful, when he gets around to it, cause you'll know its coming from his heart.. and its something he really wants..

as opposed to him asking you just to make you happy..