OK, so I've been friends with "Lisa" for 30 years, ever since we were kids. Ever since she moved away contact has been minimal. She always explains it as "I'm so busy with work and volleyball and, and, and..." I try to keep in touch, but all I get is ignored emails, or ignored voicemails.
Last night I got an email from her only asking for me to sponsor her to Walk For The Heart which she'll be doing. I find this incredibly tacky to be out of touch for so long and then ask for money! I know it's a good cause, and she does have heart problems and so does her dad.
What I'm asking is that I want to reply to her saying politely "No thanks, can't afford it right now" but I'd like to phrase something like if you would have stayed in touch more, I probably would have. How do you word that? Or should I just ignore her like she ignores me?
2007-03-16 05:07:42 · 16 answers · asked by chefgrille 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I would email her back, choosing to ignoring the quest for money and and go about the response the way she should have handled the re-entry into your friendship which would be "Sooo, how are you doing? Its been quite a while since we've spoken. I hope you are well." Leave it short and simple. Neither have you been rude nor have you refused to contribute. If she doesn't respond, it will be b/c she's 1)embarrassed to have asked money when she's not chosen to maintain your friendship or 2) All she really wanted was your money! LOL
Remember never ever give excuses for what you can or want to do or not do (I don't have the money right now, etc.) Excuses are always judged. The correct answer, for future reference is "I just can't." then "Nooo, I just can't" using the most polite regretful tone.
2007-03-16 05:20:07 · answer #1 · answered by DT 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
maybe this was one of the only things she could think of to use as an excuse to get ahold of you. I'm going through this kinda thing with a friend of mine of about 17 years...I've been having a hard time dealing with some of the choices she has made in her life and instead of always being negative around her which is not good for her or me..I have decided to let things be for a couple of years. For whatever reason maybe your friend wants to know how you are doing but unfortunately she should have sent that email but also added a personal note as well. You should send an email saying that you cannot afford a donation right now...but, include a little synopsis on how you have been doing. Keep it short and in good spirits. She didn't really end things badly she could have ended the friendship in a huge emotional fight...or stepped away quietly like I did. If you leave that kind of email it leaves the door open for more talk...or just taking the high road.
good luck
2007-03-16 12:47:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would respond with the "can't afford it" spiel...considering the cause, i think it would be inconsiderate and catty to say something to the effect of, "oh well i'd contribute if you'd email me more often..." if that is the case, you should suck it up and contribute (or maybe you could email her and say that you won't sponsor her but you'll mail a check to the heart walk fund...that may prove a point...you don't appreciate her ignoring you but you will support a worthy cause).
be the bigger person...and don't ignore it because that would be immature.
later if you do communicate with her, tell her how you feel about her excuses and let her know that emailing doesn't take much time and is an easy way to stay in touch.
2007-03-16 13:59:45 · answer #3 · answered by reverseparanoia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't afford it then just ignore this particular e-mail. If you can afford it and want to, but simply kind of don't want to to prove a point then get over it and donate. She IS your friend, sure things are not exactly the same but once YOU start building walls the friendship is doomed. She is not building walls - she is just busy - her not contacting you enough is accidentally what you are wanting to do is planned.
Contact her - tell her how much you miss her. This isn't about the charity this should be about two good friends maintaining a 30 plus year friendship.
2007-03-16 12:18:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She has not been a good friend and it is tacky to contact you only to ask for money. Having said that, it would also be tacky for you to mention, "If you had been a better friend..." I would simply tell her that you are able to give at this time. I would make the letter impersonal and business like.
As for the friendship, would you put up with such behavior from, say, a boyfriend? Probably not. I would give her a call and let her know that it seems she is really busy lately and to give you a call when things calm down and that you will wait for her call. That puts the ball in her court and you move on with your life. If she calls, great. If not, well, it hurts, but at least you are not left wondering where you stand.
And a final note: If you want to give, give to your local Walk For The Heart. Why send your money out of town???
2007-03-16 12:20:13 · answer #5 · answered by zaleonia1 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Just say, "Under circumstances I can't donate right now. Haven't heard from you in such a long time. How have you been?" In that way there's no lie being said but you are opening a discussion with her. Whether she replies or not, that's her choice. If she replies then you will know what has been going on in her life. Hope everthing works out just fine; being friends for 30 years is so long a time to see it go away.
2007-03-16 12:26:03 · answer #6 · answered by Debs 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What she have done to you shows that your friendship has no meaning anymore for her. Have you ever heard "friend in need is friend indeed" When you wrote her email, means you need her... you need to keep her as your friend, but look... she didn't care at all, and when she needs help when nobody can't help, she came to you. A friend shouldn't treat you like that. One of many reason that she didn't care with your friendship is cause she already have new friends that fix with her now (means that she thinks you are not that cool anymore to be her friend cause you changed) or her life miserable and she quite busy with her life and have no time to answer "chit chat" email. Well, in this case I will ignore her like she ignored me before... but the best thing that you can do is... ask to your heart and do what you want to do.
2007-03-16 12:39:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know the desire to snap back at her for ignored E-mails and voice mails is strong, but just ignore that feeling. Be the better person and respond to her request by saying, "I'm sorry, I am unable to sponser you at this time. Good luck with raising money for a very noble cause, I hope you do well." That's short sweet and to the point.
2007-03-16 13:45:58 · answer #8 · answered by Lov'n IT! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would answer something like this - Wow, it has been so long since I heard from you that I thought maybe you had forgotten about me since I never receive any return calls or e-mails!! Then say, I would love to sponsor you, BUT, I am already sponsoring another friend of mine for something similar , and she asked first and I can only afford to sponsor one right now!! If only I had heard from you sooner!!
2007-03-16 13:07:50 · answer #9 · answered by Angela C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be rude. That is as bad as what she has done all these years not keeping in touch with you. Politely respond saying that it's just not in the budget right now.
2007-03-16 12:20:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋