Correct my letter please, a non-English speaker needs your help?

Question

hello, I am a non-English speaker. I need to write a letter to my boss to ask for a holiday and thank her for raising my pay. My job is open the shop in the morning. Please correct my letter and make it as formal as possible. You can rewrite in your way. Thank you very much. The letter is below:

Dear ( name)

I am writing to thank you for raising my pay and apply for a holiday, which starts from 5 th of June to 25th of June. I will also notify the accountant befiore it starts.

June is a very busy season, however, this holiday is very important to me. To avoid any inconvenience，should I teach a third person how to open the shop and set the till.

I am looking forward to you apply.

yours sincerely

(name)

Answer 1

your name
address

boss's name
Co.'s address

Dear Mr. or Ms.,

First, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for my recent increase in pay. Then, I would like to know if June 5-25, 2007 would be an acceptable time to take my vacation days. I know that June is a very busy time for our company and I am willing to take whatever steps you feel necessary to keep the store running efficiently. For example, I could teach a third person how to open the store and set the till. This might avoid any inconvenience that might be felt with my absence.

I know you realize that I would not be asking for this time off unless it was very important to me. Therefore, I am looking forward for your reply. I will of course, notify the accountant if this vacation time is granted.

Thank you again, not only for the raise but also for your consideration in this matter.

Sincerely,

Answer 2

Dear ( name)

I am writing for two reasons: first, and most importantly, to thank you for raising my pay, and secondly to ask your permission to take leave between 5 th June and 25th June. I shall, of course,notify the accountant befiore it starts.

I realise that June falls within a very busy season, but it would mean a great deal to me to take my holiday at this particular time. To avoid any inconvenience, might I suggest that I teach a third person how to open the shop and set the till?

I look forward to your reply.

yours sincerely

(name)

Answer 3

If you live in europe, you should use the word holiday - meaning time off, if you live in USA(mei guo) use the word vacation.


Dear ( name)

Thank you for granting me a raise in salary.

I would also like to request a holiday/vacation from June 5th June 25th.

I will notify the Accounting Department before my holiday/vacation starts.

I understand that June is a very busy season, however, I really need this time off.

To avoid any inconvenience to you，I would be happy to instruct a third person how to open the shop and operate the cash register.

I am looking forward to your response.

Yours Sincerely,

(name)

Answer 4

Try this....




Dear ( name),

Thank you for the recent raise. I look forward to continuing to work with (company name).

Additionally, I would also like to request my holidays. I am requesting vacation time from June 5, 2007 until June 25, 2007.

I realize that June is a busy month, and therefore, I would be willing to train someone to cover my position while I am gone to avoid any inconvenience. I will also notify the accountant.

Sincerely,

(your name)



Good luck, and let us know how it goes!

Answer 5

I like the way you wrote the letter. If your boss just gave you a raise she obviously likes your work and has no problems with you language, you should continue to be yourself. The only corrections I would make are, the sentence "should I teach ...set the till ? is actually a question and should have a question mark and the closing, "I am looking forward to your reply" not apply. I hope this helps you and good luck!

Answer 6

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