Very funny joke, read this! tell me your funny jokes!!?

Question

A little boy wanted $50.00 so badly to buy his Mom a special Christmas present, so he prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $50. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was so delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $45.00.

Answer 1

Yours is good...try this one:

JUST A LITTLE BAD LUCK!

For a while, I didn’t think that any grass and weeds would grow this year. Then all of a sudden with the recent rains and Hawaii type weather, every dormant seed exploded, and there is green everywhere and growing by the minute. It was now time for serious cutting.

I found my riding lawn mower. It was under a dusty tarp. I haven’t used it since last July. On the seat was the remains of a nest. Maybe a squirrel or rat. I don’t know. I turn the key, nothing, dead battery. I knew at that instant is was going to be “fun day”!

I went to get my battery charger, but then I remembered I loaned that to my Daughter 6 months ago. She seldom returns anything. I used my truck and jumper wires to start the mower. It was purring like a kitten. I look over at my truck and the battery and some wires were smoking! I didn’t know until the next day how much damage I caused. But that’s a story for another day.

I look at the seat and most of the padding was used by those varmints for nest building. A towel and duct tape fixed that problem. Two of the tires were flat like a smashed plum. I fixed that with a can of “Flat Fix”. I think that I am happy now. And I’m off to the forest! Actually, I would not have to go through that type of aggravation if that person with the heavy duty “Round-Up” equipment didn’t flake out on me, six times, last year. But, that’s another story.

I started my first cut, and all of a sudden, the front wheels fell into a hole. I get out and look at the damage. I feel something at my left ankle and another just below my right knee. It was rattlesnake den. They got me. There was no pain. Just a little tingling. I’m not worried, and I am not afraid of snakes.

I walk up to the house. The wife is gone...gallivanting as usual. I pick up the phone...it’s dead. I get in my truck. It’s dead. I thought about riding Dolly, our donkey, but I put that out of my mind. She is stubborn. I walk about a mile to the Highway 16. I hitched a ride to the emergency hospital in Sacramento. I’m not feeling any fatal symptoms except some tingling in my chest.

I check in at the counter. I tell the receptionist that I was bitten. She tells me to sit down and wait. After a while she asks to see my medical card. I haven’t used that for over 6 months. I find the medical card and a folded Super Lotto ticket that I had forgot.

The Doctor goes through the routine, height, weight, pulse, blood pressure, etc. Then he gave me 20 cc of IV, and told me to go home and rest. I hitched a ride back home. I was all better.

I look at the lottery ticket’s numbers, went to the internet, and by God, it was a winning ticket, $27 million dollars. I am very happy, and I am no longer upset with anyone including that person with the Round-Up equipment. I know that I will have more helpful friends than fleas on a dog.

I call the State Lottery and tell them I have a winning ticket and ask how do I get the money. I’m thinking to myself about buying a 4 wheel drive Yugo, a new pair of boots from K-mart, and a year’s supply of Russell Stover’s chocolates. I’m on cloud nine! Happiness engulfs me.

On the phone, I hear an apologetic voice: “I’m sorry Mr. P...., that ticket expired last week”.

I just knew it was going to be one of those days. I’ll be riding my bike for a while. I had to have my truck towed in to the Dodge dealer. A complete rewire is necessary. Their estimate $3,500 plus $75 for towing.

It sure was a fun day!!!!

Answer 2

That was a great one! But heres mine!

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

I know this has been on here so many times but everytime i read it gets even funnier!

Answer 3

so funny heres mine
three girls decide to rob a bank, two are smart and one is stupid. They rob the bank and go to the nearest hide out, a farm. One smart girl hides behind a cow the other smart girl hids behind a horse and the dumb one hides behind a sack of potatoes. so the cop goes to the farm, looks at the cow the smart girl says, "Mooooo", then he looks at the horse the girl says, "Neeehhh" then at the potatoe sack the dumb girl says, "PPPOOOOTTTAAATOEE" and the 3 girls spend a lovley night in jail the end

Answer 4

LOL , good one

how about mine


One day there was a 14 year old girl in a nice short skirt. A boy about 16 walked up to her and said, "I bet you can’t climb that tree".
The girl replied, "Oh yes I can, watch".
The girl climbed up the tree and the boy looked up her skirt. When she came down he said, "I like your knickers".
The girl got upset and told her mum her mum said, "You silly girl you let him look up your skirt to see your knickers".
The next day the girl wore an even shorter skirt the boy said to her again, "I bet you can’t climb that tree", pointing to a taller one.
The girl climbed it and when she came down the boy never said nothing, he just looked very happy.
The girl told her mum again her mum said, "You silly girl you showed him your knickers again".
The girl replied, "No I tricked him this time, I didn’t wear any

Answer 5

Cute!

How do u catch a polar bear?

U cut a hole in the ice. Pour a #10 can of peas around the hole and wait. When the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole!

Answer 6

its clever, but not funny. and im in a funny mood too. thats a NO good.

Answer 7

That's pretty funny.

Answer 8

funny

Answer 9

your joke is hilarious! LOL!

Answer 10

that was prettty good^