Am I bad for thinking I should walk away from my ex, who may be depressed?

Question

I have written previous posts on here. My ex, who I do really love, ended our relationship 6 wks ago as "her feelings had changed". In the build up to the split I thought she was depressed. (She has a history of depression) and she admitted she was, I persuaded her to go to the Dr who prescribed Prozac & counselling. 1 wk later she said she wasn't depressed, didn't need counselling and it was our relationship that made her unhappy. She ended things.

I gave her space for 3 wks and then she contacted me. We met up, everything was good and we agreed to meet again. I rang her a few days later and she was dismissive of me.

I do really care for her but think I should maybe walk away even as a friend. It is so hard seeing someone you love being like this but even worse when they blame the relationship. I have tried to help her but if she won't help herself I don't know what I can do??

I don't mind worrying about her but she seems to not be interested in my feelings. What do I do?

Answer 1

if your girlfriend thinks her depression is the result of your relationship (and it's probably NOT), then why would she want it back?

your ex needs to get back into therapy and on medication.

you have the right to expect her to continue therapy and medication while you're in a relationship. sometimes we have to give other people "conditions"...

therapy/counseling doesn't work immediately and one or two sessions does nothing. it takes a while to establish a rapport with the therapist, and for the therapist to understand your history... it takes a lot of work to recover or "manage" depression. it's not all fun and games.

depression is considered an illness....if your ex is in denial about her illness and refuses to get help, why expect you to suffer too?

Answer 2

Depression is a very personal thing that your ex has to sort out for herself. It is best for her if you avoid contact, a short phone-call now and then won't hurt, but she will need time to recover. Maybe by then her feelings will have again changed towards you, maybe not. It is quite normal for her not to show interest in your feelings now because she cannot - she is too cooped up in her own. 'Walking away' is the correct course to take at the moment, for both your welfare. In the long run however, there is always the possibility that if you did get back together again you would both fall into the same 'rut' and problems would begin anew. A difficult decision that only you two can make, if or when the time is right.

Answer 3

I don't think you are. I am 20 and was first diagnosed with depression at the age of 13 I never had any real friends when ever I made a friend and they found out I was depressed they would run off. I guess I would too when one is depressed they don't always see the bigger picture only the black and white parts and sometimes they get so wrapped up in their problems they forget about those close to them. It's an illness no ones fault. I just hope your partner finds love and happiness what ever you decide it must be a hard situation to be in.

Answer 4

Thats a really difficult one. Unless you suffer with depresion it is hard to know what it feels like, and how it effects you. It will take a couple of weeks for the medication to start to really take effect. Bearing in mind I dont know you or her, I dont mean to sound horrible, but may be the relationship was / is making things worse for her? All you can do is tell her that you care and that you will respect what ever desion she makes. Have an open and honest conversation, talk to her about how she feels and how that impacts the relationship, Listen to what she says and be as supportive as you can, often that means a lot! just simply knowing someone is there! and that they care. You do need to get to the bottom of things in terms of relationship, and the onlly way you can do this is by talking honestly and openly. She may say things that you dont want to hear be prepared for this, but at least one way or another you will know where you stand.
Good luck and hope things work out for the two of you

Answer 5

When people are depressed they make a lot of bad decisions if they make any at all. How much do you love her? I guess if you love her enough you'll stay close and help. How she feels and responds to you may even depend on the time of day. Many depressed people feel worse in the morning but better as the day progresses. Give her more time maybe but set a date at which point you walk away but be realistic it could take months to sort out her depression.

Answer 6

Bepositive you sound like a right love button..bless you.
Maybe she is thinking of you more than herself maybe she feels she can't keep putting you through this but you must realise if she is depressed then she wont be thinking rationally anyway. I think you should carry on being there for her even if you don't end up together its an Honourable thing to do and as i said earlier you sound like a right love button so keep up the support.
Peace and love to ya man.

Answer 7

Hi, I can understand where your coming from cos it is difficult having someone close to you is suffering form depression I know I have seen it plenty of times!
Right, when someone says they aren't depressed even when you know they are its denial talking as when someone is depressed the first thing they do is deny it. As for what you should do to be honest no one can tell you that, you have to do what your instincts tell you, that is the trouble with depression one day you will want to be around your friends/partners the next day you wont to know them it is a constant yo yo of emotion. However if she hits rock bottom which happened to me a few times she will need her friends as with depression you can feel isolated very easily.
I hope this has helped. Good luck for the future.

Answer 8

no, you are not bad, you are thinking of yourself, which is only natural. If you cant help her and all it is doing is dragging you down its time to give up. At least give your self some distance. At another point in time maybe you can be friends or what ever but at this point in your live you need to do whats best for #1

Answer 9

If the girl ended your relationship and wants nothing more to do with you, I'd say it's her problem now. Get on with your life and find a happy girl that won't dump you.

Answer 10

No i dont think your bad infact im following suit!
Good luck to your future.