Mom breaks promises still talk or not`?

Question

My mom has broken promises to me since I was five... See I live with my grandparents and I have since I was 1 and a half. My mom would promise that she would come over and see me so I would sit and literally wait for her on the front porch for hours and I would cry over it alot! she would never show and I would always ask her why she did not come and she would say I forgot.. well now I know that my mom is on drugs... so that changes things a little bit. But now she wants to be a part of my life and try to control me and everything.. I have given her so many chances.. what do you guys think I should do.. its really hard because I still love her I just dont want to put up with the crap that she does or anything like that!

Answer 1

i think u should still talk to her, but don't put your hopes into everything.it seems to me your mom needs help. try and get her some help. talk to her about her problem. remember learn form the past.

Answer 2

Years ago I remember seeing the most beautiful little girl sit there on the steps of our old apt. building waiting for her daddy, who din't show up. It was heart breaking. You love the 'idea of a mother' in your life, and it's natural. I've seen how drugs 'take people away' from their family members. Always keep her at arm's length, never confide in her or try to get close. Never let her 'borrow' any money. She would love to control you, as you said, for when you get a job someday she can come to you for free money.
Never believe her promises or her plans. Keep your conversations light, do not listen to her troubles--she wants to drag you in. She will want you to be come emotionally invested in her life--so she can take advantage of that later.
All the adults know better, but you will be her next victim if you aren't smart -do not ask her when she is coming, go on with your life. When you see her-you see her-
It's been a tough lesson for you, but you've had your grandparents to meet you needs, unlike many other kids out there. You know about the effect of drugs on people's lives, These people are master manipulators. You can go on to lead a better life than the life she chose.

Answer 3

I feel really bad for you. I'll try to give you advice based on what I think would help you.

First of all, you have to understand that drugs addiction isn't something easy to break. It's very easy to get hooked, and one wrong decision may have screwed up your mother's life because it's hard to break away from drugs.

Keeping this in mind, think back to all those times she disappointed you. At least you know that it wasn't because she didn't love you. She just couldn't. People who are on drugs real bad just don't know how to love others even though they really want to. The fact that your mother lied to you and told you she "forgot" might show that she was ashamed of what she was doing, and didn't want you to have to deal with the trauma of knowing all about it.

If your mother has broken this habit of drugs, kudos to her. She wants to get closer to you? Let her. She is making an effort. Tryst me on this. I don't know how old you are now, but a girl needs a motherly figure in her life. You may see your grandma as more of a mother, but there is no harm in having two moms is there- it's just twice as good for you.

You will have more of a chance at living a normal life, and you will definitely appreciate support from your mum eventually.

However, you will get easily mad if she becomes too intefering, and I completely understand if you do! It's normal. She wasn't there all your life, and now this crazy woman wants to butt in? Lol. This IS what you will feel.

You have to control these feelings and remind yourself that your mother is trying to correct her mistakes, and everyone deserves a second chance.

However, if she becomes too much for you, let her know. Sit her down and tell her that she hasn't been here for too long for you to just snap her fingers and assume such a deeply athouratative role in your life.

Take things slowly, but do give her a chance. Get closer to her bit by bit, and seek your grandma's help in doing so.

Good luck and I hope things get better for you! :)

Answer 4

I hear your pain dear...all I can say...waiting for my mom to be different was sort of like banging my head against the wall even when the blood would run...now you can do that if you like...but I can tell you from experience it changes nothing....Live your life dear...stop defining your happiness based on the relation you don't have with your mom (because you don't have one)...you can wait until hell freezes over to decide to be happy...I only waited until my mom turned 70 before I finally decided to give up on the dream of having a mother/daughter relationship that I fantasized about (you know what I mean)...Love her for the small ways that you can...but let go of your expectations...they will lead you no where good. It is not about putting up with the crap she does...it is about letting her put up with the crap she does and you live your life....trust me...I hear you...I hope you can hear me. Just let the anger go, love her where you can, get rid of your ideal mother/daughter image, and live your life. Be Blessed and good luck.

PS...That is great if your mother stopped abusing drugs...but did you know...that drugs stunts emotional growth...when you start using drugs...you stop emotionally growing...so...even though she has stopped...she is at the place emotionally where she was when she started using....so if at times she seems inmature...this probably has something to do with it. I would really just not become emotionally wrapped up into her life at this point...live your life and let her live hers...come together where you can...but definitely don't get pulled into her sickness...and hopefully over time...something will come out of it...but can I say this one more time...live YOUR life. :)

Answer 5

Tell her that you love her but it is important to you to have a healthy relationship with her. Let her know that she did the right thing when she gave you to your grandparents and that they have raised you to be a smart intelligent person. Also let her know that there will be boundaries in the relationship that you have with her. Tell her that you want her friendship but without the drugs and the controlling factor. If she is not willing to compromise then maybe she is not ready for the relationship. Set up boundaries. People will only treat you the way you let them. Love her because she is your mother, but respect yourself just as much out of love for yourself.

Answer 6

Oh, the harm that parents do to their kids!
Sweetie, you are not responsible for your mother. You have every right to be angry, disappointed and hurt.
However, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Maybe some of the things she says make sense and she's trying to stop you making the same mistakes.
I hope your grandparents are sensible people. Why not talk it through with them. They mikght see things more clearly than a stranger like me, ever could. Good luck.

Answer 7

You could have a talk with your grandparents and her and work out some ground rules regarding visits, etc., that you are comfortable with.

As far as her trying to control you, I think that you are past accepting this, and should be part of the discussion.

She will always be you mother, and I suggest you be open to communication with her, understanding as you do, that she may not always be reliable.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

i think that she needs to earn your love and your attention. It does not seem that she feels like she even did anything wrong. She is your mother and suppose to be there for you, instead she spent her time smokin weed rather than teachin her lil gurl how to bake cookies, fold clothes, cook meals...etc. She can't just waltz back into your life like she is a mother when she never played her role. She has no right to control you and tell you what to do, if she didn't care about u enough to keep a promise, than how is she gonna lead you the right way in life? i say make her earn your love,.

Answer 9

i think you should sit with her and have a really long talk and let her know how you feel i went through almost the same thing except i lived with my mom and she went out everytnight and i stayed up and waited till 5 am waiting for her and my dad came home at 7 and went to bed bc he had to leave at 4 for work so i was all alone crying about it so you need to talk to her and just let her inbut dont let her think shes the reason your the way you are however you are idk you but lol your you bc of the people who raised you so she has no control over you. just my opinion

Answer 10

i understand i have a dad that never was around, now im an adult and i dont need his help in anyway, he wants to visit all the time, well yes i forgave him. i still think about it and get mad, and u still cant depend on him. i mean if he says hes gonna do someting well he might and he might not, but we are friends oh well i mean no one is perfect, but i do get tired of him sayin things that he will do and then he doesnt, so i htink we will have a talk about that ha.

Answer 11

if she wants to be a part of your life again you should give her a chance, just let her know if she screws up again, its the last time. You dont need to be treated like that, you have your grandparents and they love you