Spanking Children??

Question

My boyfriend & his ex have a 5 yr old boy together, We get him all the time, but what concerns me, is that when she is disciplining him, (spanking) she is leaving marks on him. What should I do??

Answer 1

Discipling a child - even by using spanking - should never leave visible marks. I don't care if the child is yours, leaving marks IS child abuse. Please do call Children's Services this is not normal nor is it accepted.

I've worked as a CASA/GAL as an independant court (judge/magistrate) appointed special advocate for abused and neglected children. This is not considered normal or accpetable punishment.

You also have to consider there are probably other things going on you cannot see. Quite possibly this is only the "smoke" your seeing and the real fire no one is able to see. This is a warning and the actual problem could be much much worse. I wouldn't play around with this at all.

My mom was a school nurse in a poor inter city school. One day a little boy came to her complaining his back hurt. So, she had him remove his shirt and my mom saw red marks (welting). She called the principle and eventually children's services. She wasn't sure what was going on but this wasn't normal.

Turns out the child's mother beat him with a belt while practicing for a spelling test. He couldn't spell "pot".

:(((

Please, call Children's Services. Your boyfriend's son could be experiencing much worse than you see....

Take it from someone experienced in the system the laws are NOT vague on child abuse. The vagueness occurs when the court is deciding wether or not to take away parental rights.

Answer 2

That is called beating.. spanking should only possibly leave a red mark for a short amount of time. If bruising is occurring then the child's mother will need to take a class and learn that she is hurting the child and usually this is court ordered when someone has been turned in to CPS. I would discuss this with your BF and see where he stands on this and you will know that the child will more than likely have to live with him till the Mother is cleared by the Judge. I worked at a hospital where they put on those classes all the time. It really helped most of the parents out alot. Why is she spanking him so hard to begin with.. is she not taking control of the situation and letting her anger take over.. I have been in a situation where I caught myself about to hurt my son like that and realized it was me not him. Thank God. My son is ADHD and spanking him is not going to help him.. placing him in the corner well that works great. I know you can not personally tell the Mother anything.. but the BF can and should make sure he stands up for his child. Good luck.

Answer 3

that's child abuse. you could call the authorities. but you should know what you're doing first. talk to your boyfriend about it, and see if he feels the same way. You might not want to go up to the ex and tell her she is doing something wrong, but since your boyfriend is the father, he has every right to say something about it. If just plain talking doesn't solve the problem, then you could call child services, but I would recommend you don't. You could also, if it's okay, have the boy stay at your place more often (that way you get to know him better, too.) There are many ways to solve your problem, but use the "calling child services" one as a last resort. BTW, spanking (leaving marks) is illegal and punishable in the US.

Answer 4

Marks on a 5 year old child should be reported regardless of if she is only disciplining him. He is just a baby.
He shouldn't get spanked to the point to where it is marking him. Stop it now before it gets worse for him.

Answer 5

What kind of marks and where are they? How many times has this happened? I think that it all depends on the circumstances. I am not big on spanking, but if my children do something that could be danger to themselves and it is necessary then we do spank sometimes. I can't think of a time where they have ever had marks though. I really believe that you need to know exactly what happened before you call child services.

Answer 6

I have a young son and he is always covered in red marks from playing. He likes to climb etc and is always getting into tight spots. Are you 100% sure that these marks are from her hitting him? If so then spanking should not leave marks for more than a minute or so. I would talk about your concerns to your boyfriend and see what his thoughts are about it before taking it any further.

Kepp an eye on it though.

Answer 7

If he were younger, I'd make sure that the marks aren't from him just being a boy and falling down, etc. But since he's 5, suggest to your boyfriend that he have a talk with his child's mother. If that doesn't work, call in an anonymous tip to Children and Youth services, they have to check it out. Don't tell your boyfriend because he might feel it's not your place to interfere with the mother's rights. Don't get me wrong, a swat on the butt a few times won't hurt him and help him to learn a lesson, but when she's leaving marks, it will go far beyond just physical into mental ramifications far in the future. Good luck!

Answer 8

i'm no longer a 'hitter.' Frankly, i visit tolerate a 'swat' if a baby reaches for something on a warm range; or reaches right into a fan. even if...i'm in touch that fairly some questions about Y/A are from S&M-variety those who 'get off' on bare-bottom spankings of their little ones. it truly is no longer strong! Get your spouse to consent to a 'bare bottom spanking.' in case your spouse enjoys it; and also you 'get off' on it; then anybody is satisfied! and also you do not could contain a small new child on your "excitement!" The small new child receives excitement from this, as well!

Answer 9

wow thats a hard spanking...is your bf okay with it? maybe u should tell him u think its very excessive the way she punishes the son see what he says about it rather than go straight to CPS without asking the other involved party first. I mean you are in his life also but his mom and dad are first i guess. if he doesnt think anything of it then maybe you should speak up for the child and take it further. no reason he should be marked after spanking, personally i dont really agree with spanking anyways

Answer 10

Depends where the marks are,if on the bud that is kinda okay,maybe you need to talk to your boy friend about it,he is the father,he needs to correct the situation,I have spanked my children when they needed it,but I have never left any marks,and my kids knew what they were spanked for,but there are better ways to correct them,adults are suppose to have more control of them self's when correcting the child,if they don't know what they did wrong,well,needless to say they will get worse,my youngest,if he didn't know how to handle no,if he didn't get his way he would throw a tantrum,well I talked to my sister ,well I took her advise,when my son threw that tantrum again,well I did exactly what he did,well he thought his mommy was being silly,he never done anything like that again,yup ,talk to your boy friend