o you ever feel guilty about not seeing your parents even knowing that they're abusive, negligent, and uncommu

Question

I get that feeling from time to time.

Even if I act on it and go visit them, it never fails, they're never happy, and I just end up leaving, scolding myself for ever visiting (yet again) in the first place.

Thanks everyone for answering.

One complication I have is that I have a sister who lives in the same town as my parents.

If I didn't have a sister, I would probably just completely cut off my parents, but I can't.

My sister sees them a little more often than I do. She seems to angry whenever I mention anything negative about our mother. On the other hand, she recognizes that she hasn't been there for us at all.

Answer 1

If you were mistreated as a child, then, you don't owe them anything. Maybe by staying in touch, you are unconsciously hoping that things would be different. But, they are your parents, and you obviously love them regardless of how you were treated. Happens all the time. If it's too upsetting to visit, then don't keep torturing yourself. Move on and take care of yourself. Remember, misery loves company. Sometimes we have to remove ourselves from a toxic environment in order to keep our sanity. Good luck in what ever you choose to do.

Answer 2

Guilt is a wasted, non productive emotion. My mother and I owned a house together until last summer. It has been a strained relationship for many years as she is a very unhappy person. I believe she has had depression which has not been addressed her entire life. She is very angry. Essentially, she kicked me and my children and spouse out of the house and took me for $40,000. She no longer speaks to me. I am through the guilt etc. I do love her. I don't believe, she has ever loved me. I ca't imagine treating my children/grandchildren the way that she treated us. We had to live in our 40+ year old trailer for a month, that sleeps 4. She could have cared less. We have now moved about a 9 hour drive away, because we couldn't afford to stay where we were. I had to leave everyone. I don't feel bad that I don't see/talk to her, because she has created so much damage in me and my kids. The only reason we agreed to buy the house with her was because she was widowed young, and we wanted to take care of a house for her. Which we did, inside and out. I am so DONE with the emotional abuse. I hope you can let go. I am so much happier now. Truly.

Answer 3

I do that all the time. My mom physically and mentally abused me and my brother when we were growing up and by the time we were 17, we vowed never to see her again after we moved out. But now, it seems as if I cant stop visiting her or calling her. She hasnt changed one bit and frequently calls me a bad mother and puts me down. But I always have this hope in the back of my mind that maybe today is the day she will decide to change. I guess it is the hope that keeps me going over there. There are times when I think to myself, "I am never comming back here again- I am moving as far away as possible" but still I fall into the trap and end up talking to her. Its so funny that through all these years, she has never said she was sorry. But like the saying goes 'Forgive them, for they know not what they do'

Answer 4

You need to stay away no matter how much you want to have parents,my husbands Mother is like that,she is very abusive to him,after wards he is so angry with himself for putting himself threw that all the time,she actually told him that he'll be back for more,well guess what? He hasn't been back for over three years now and he is one happy man now,it will be hard but you have to do what is best for yourself,she try's to write him and abuse him that way ,but it's not working for her that way ether,so now she is kinda begging to see him again,well we'll see how that turns out,but number one is you,good luck and be strong,we all want to have parents, but in a good way,yup

Answer 5

Hi!

i don't see my father, and haven't for over 15 years. i severed the relationship because he was always abusive, even into my adulthood. this separation has saved me from the emotional stress the relationship caused. I feel better about myself.

it is NEVER your fault that a parent is negative and abusive. you can't control their behavior, so you have absolutely no reason to feel guilt. YOU did nothing!

i'm sorry your parents are such miserable people. you might feel some sort of obligation to go see them, but really you don't have to...

take care of YOU!

Answer 6

Yes, I know the feeling. I finally cut them off 2 years ago, for good. I lost 20 pounds, and the weight on my shoulders is gone. It was the best thing I ever did.

Answer 7

I stopped seeing / speaking to my abusive / alcholic sperm donor of a father more than 4 years ago! It was the best thing I ever did and do not regret it at all...should have done it sooner...maybe I wouldn't have needed so much therapy!

Answer 8

I feel the same way and I feel it every time I return home or my father comes home and even just begins to talk

Answer 9

I was raised in a home where your parents are your parents no matter what......no matter what they do or who they are, you can never change who god gave us to. It doesn't mean you have to put up with them but there comes a time in our lives that we have to separate ourselves from them.....It doesn't make us good nor does it makes us bad but we need to know it will be okay..............