Why can't I put all the bad memories behind me and move on?

Question

I've been so angry the past few days. A year ago, my boyfriend of 4 years broke my heart. He started seeing another woman behind my back and was constantly lying to me. I was an emotional wreck. I truely thought I'd spend the rest of my life with him. Our relationship was the most important thing in my life up to that point. I tried moving on... taking up new hobbies, making new friends... I thought I was doing so well. Then a few days ago something clicked and everything around me reminds me of him. And when I think of him, I get so angry that he ruined our relationship and broke my heart. I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to go anywhere. I still live in the apartment we shared, so even things in my own home are reminders that make me angry. I'm getting awful tension headaches. I've completely lost my inner peace. Why am I suddenly so upset? Why can't I move on once and for all? Will these thoughts always come back to haunt me?

Answer 1

Maybe after the relationship was over you kinda numbed out a bit and was able to "move on" by making new friends and all. Now your mind is like hey we need to deal with how we are really feeling. Emotions dont know time so dont feel like you should be all better. Getting cheated on is a big deal and it takes some time to get over that. You could possibly see a counsulor for just a little bit so you can talk all this out or cry it out. Moving might also be a really good idea. I had an ex who still lived in the same house as he did with his ex-wife and when I came in there I could just feel all the bad vibes. So overall give yourself some time dont rush healing. If you dont force anything you might heal faster than you expected.

Answer 2

I can only tell you that I was devastated about the end of my 18-year marriage and the fact that my ex cheated on me repeatedly. I know that others will argue that I'm wrong, but I felt so much better once I started dating again. I was depressed and anxious and my self-esteem was shot, but once I realized that I would love again and could be loved again, I relaxed and enjoyed the attentions of several men until I found the wonderful one that I kept. Maybe it's time for you to date again and get involved in another relationship. Move out of your current home and get a place that's all your own with no associations (I had to do that too).

Answer 3

I don't think they will always come back and haunt you...I had a best friend in college just turn horrid on me in college....i was so bitter and it ruined my next year.....what i found helps is to forgive them and not let bitterness control you. Now you don't need to go make friends with him, cause i still hate her guts....however i had to forgive her in my own heart and let the bitterness go and stop holding on to things. I went into a depression over everything and seeked counseling....it helped a ton. also i meet my husband who helped a lot too....

for you i would suggest seeking some counseling to work through your feelings and if you are religious talk to God and ask him to take all the bitterness away....or if you are not try to let go of the bitterness and forgive him. Also i would move into a different apartment. I also had to put all my pictures away for about a year.....but now i can look back and remember the good times without feeling hurt

Answer 4

Skyblue why do you think you have to put them behind you in order to move on? What you have experienced in life is a part of you. When the painful memories come,and they will,focus on the positive aspects you gained from this relationship. You sound like a loyal,loving woman who is able to commit 100% to a relationship. Cry if you need to. Emotional growth is sadly often a painful experience.It's OK to miss him. A marriage with a cheating husband would have been much worse. ((hugs))

Answer 5

It takes some real time to get over someone you have been with for so long. I was married to someone I thought was great. But it got really bad between us. Then I started seeing all of the things. Like how he controlled me. And lies. Deception. But, after being seperated from him for a year, I still missed him and still loved him. I tried to reconcile with him. But after a few months, it didn't work out. We are still trying to get divorced. It hurts, when someone you have put your whole life around, does this to you. You just have to keep going. And remember why you "Aren't" together. It's hard to dislike someone who's done that to you. I still miss the little things. But I don't let him push me to my breaking point anymore. Keep your head up. The pain will go away. Maybe not completely, but it gets better with time. I promise. =)

Answer 6

You need to start dating again. Only time and the constant attention of dozens of other men will make you forget. My girl and I broke up over a year ago, and I still think about her all the time. But it's much better now because I've become a dating machine. Learn to enjoy your life without him.

Answer 7

Hi there,
The first thing I would suggest is some relaxation techniques. this one works for me.
If you are at home, try this relaxation technique.

1)Sit or lie down comfortably and close your eyes.
2)Picture in your imagination yourself in a safe place. That place can be anywhere but it must be somewhere you consider safe.
3)Breathe OUT slowly. You must breath out first as this stimulates the relaxation response. Try to count in your head as you breathe out for between 7-11 counts.
4)Breathe in Slowly. Again try to count in your head as you are doing this for between 5-7 counts.
5)The out breath must be longer than the in breath in order for the relaxation response to be continually stimulated.
6)Repeat steps 3 and 4 until you are feeling calmer.
The Self-help Toolkit on the website below may be able to give you further information.
http://www.yorkhumangivens.co.uk/

In addition to this I would suggest some therapy/counselling to help you de-traumatise your memories.
If you are in the UK the following organisation may be of assistance to you..
http://www.humangivens.com/

Answer 8

4 months is quite no longer all that plenty time, for some thing like this. it ought to take YEARS of this sort of attempt on his area before you will supply up having those styles of emotions. it quite is the way it extremely is with have faith - it takes in basic terms a 2d to lose it and what appears like an eternity to regain it. He seems to be like doing the the perfect option issues, different than attempting to tell you to "recover from" it. He additionally could be mendacity to himself, besides, if he believes he can in basic terms directly supply up those emotions he permit improve - no remember if or no longer the lady had something to do with producing them. If in any respect attainable, i might think of it might help immensely if he discovered a sparkling job. lacking that, i might think of he ought to end-and-desist ANY touch with the lady exterior of paintings. and additionally you have no longer have been given any employer having any touch along with her, no remember how "valuable" she could be. you choose time to permit your self to gradually recover from the doubts and harm emotions and he might desire to proceed to take wonderful care to attempt to enhance your self assurance in him. He might additionally attempt questioning up little romantic getaways for the two considered one of you, to re-gentle some experience of romance in you. In essence, he could attempt to "courtroom" you like he did before you have been married. it quite isn't asking too plenty - taking part in cards in the mail, flowers now and returned, an unpredicted date, little notes around the domicile, verbal expressions of appreciation for the way you look or for the little issues you do for him. He OWES you those issues.