Step Children?

Question

What can one say that gets through to a mans head that his kids are using him! He will go weeks & sometimes mths. before they call ,we live in different provinces ,but they only call if they want something you never hear from them unless they do . The ages are 17 & 20 They have no problem putting their father down all the time ,but he cant see that ...He does sometimes but then one "daddy" from them & he melts only to be hurt shortly after they get what they want . Also they tell us when they are visiting & dont ask if its ok ,we both work full time & are not home much so I would rather we tell them when they are coming. Each time its supposed to be for 2 days & ends up being more all the time the last time was 6 days & never asked if that was ok . We never knew when they were leaving we had to wait tell they told us. If I say anything I dont like his kids he says & he is way too soft to say anything I just dont know what to do!

Yes I have 2 kids!
Question Details: I forgot to mention in my step children question YES I have 2 sons they are 20 & 25 & they dont treat me this way or I wouldnt be one to talk no would I

Answer 1

Wow, you just wrote my story except my 17 y.o. stepson lives with us (for 75 more days but who's counting). He too, is an ungrateful taker.
We've been to counseling regarding this matter and the bottom line is, your hubby is not going to change. Trust me. I've been hoping for 13 years but it's not going to happen. I think some dads allow their kids to treat them this way because they feel guilt, justified or not.
The most important thing for you to know is that although you can't change your husband or stepkids behavior, you can insist they treat you with respect. It's one of the few places a stepparent actually has power. Just because dad puts up with it doesn't mean you should.
Good luck.
Oh yeah, I have 3 adult children who wouldn't dream of treating me with disrespect.

Answer 2

Hi,
I feel for you because I have almost the same problem,I have 2 kids (well behaved and do good in school.....their dad not around,but needless to say,they are very respectful kids and make me proud wherever we go).
My stepson is growing into a problem child and has been since I know him....has problems at school,football practice,after school club,practically wherever he goes.He is violent ad he likes to kick and punch all the time.He has shoplifted once,somehow manage to lose 2 gold rings I had in my room and broken several things around my house and he is only 10.....I am scared at the thought of him becoming a teenager.His dad doesn't seem to see anything is wrong with him.Every week he has meeting with his son principal,because of his behaviour.It is not easy to be a step mum,I am nice to him and treat him like my own child,but he has started being very rude towards me.
Try to be calm, they are his children and even tho they might use him,he is their dad after all.
There is nothing you can do,his dad will never see any problem with them.....and to the world we are only step mums,but nobody understand what we have to put up with sometimes.
Sorry for talking too much about my problem,but it is the first time I talk about my stepson with someone.....I feel quite upset about his behaviour,I know he is only 10,but my son is also 10 and he is such a decent child.
I wonder sometimes.....what will happen in the future.

Answer 3

I see what you mean. Honestly, you have to accept it to a large portion. Some people just can't take bad words against certain people. Say these things and he's just going to blow up at you.

You might have to slowly drop it into the conversation and then see how he reacts. If he doesn't blow up, go on and let him know how difficult it is for you. Tell him you really love the kids (whether or not it's true) but sometimes you feel their very ungrateful, and maybe for THEIR benefit he should be a little harsher on them.

Perhaps you could start off with a "real-story on of your friends told you" about how their children were just being ungrateful etc.

Good luck!

Answer 4

hi you don't have kids of your own then because if you did you would not ask the question
I have 4 sons they don't call very often or just turn up when it suits them and yes it can be very annoying but at the end of the day they are my sons I would do any thing for them even at the cost of my life they will be my kids no matter how old they are
that is what parents are about to be there for the good times and bad
I had a step mother and belive me she was no picnic she made it clear she did not want me and my brother about but you must have known this man had kidswhen you met him so you took him on as he is so you will have to live with it
kids dont come with a use by date you got them for life

Answer 5

Why is he doing that? They are disrespecting him and he giving them hand-outs? That sends a signal they can behave like this towards anyone. Trust me my MIL just told us that my step children only call her when they want want want something. Their mother spoiled them and modeled that people don't love you if they don't give you money. Needless to say grandma has done the adult thing and zipped up the pocket book.

Hint: I'm talking about much older adult sons/daughter ranging between 22-30. Divorce is no excuse to spoil sons and daughters nor is it any excuse for a son or daughter to dictate parents.

Answer 6

As parents we teach our children how to treat us. Obviously his children were raised differently than you. You are going to have to accept that he loves his children enough to put up with this behavior. The real question is do you love him enough to tolerate their rude behavior without putting him down for his loving them? This is a normal problem for a blended family I have been on both sides I have stepchildren and children of my own. Parenting is difficult enough I would suggest that you put your emphasis on your relationship with your husband and let him deal with his almost grown children.

Answer 7

sounds to me like he feels sorrry for leaving them (the divorce) he knows they are using him no man is that stupid (till it comes to love) and love those boys he does . im sorry mom but you may have to put up with it for a time , and knowone knows how long (till you put your foot down)

Answer 8

This is his problem not yours. It's not your place to tell him how to be a parent to his children.

Answer 9

its hard to do anything. Its his kids. In his eyes they do nothing wrong.

Answer 10

i will give good food,and teach the goood knowledge