Please give me some hints on talking to someone who is pregnant and hormnonal and very sentsitive?

Question

Im a computer geek with no idea about this sort of thing and Im not good at patronising or treating people like their not right in the head. All I want to do is help but it blows up in my face.

I understand there are several rules when talking to someone who is pregnant i.e. talk to them about babies and pay allot of attention to the fact they are pregnant.

Im getting there but would love some pointers.

Like other things you should do like pretending to take a huge interest in how cute baby clothes.look and the old mistake of referring to babies as "Kids" and not "Children"

Ive also leaned not tell them you think their NOT fat cos it can make them paranoid.

Thanks in advance, most thorough answer gets 10 points

Answer 1

First of all, not all women like to talk about the fact that they're pregnant 24/7. Sometimes that belly can be like an eyesore and EVERYONE ELSE wants to talk about it and give advice! Don't offer any advice unless it's asked for. That can get really overwhelming and overbearing. Sometimes we like to talk about other subjects too! I problem that I faced, and I'm sure other women have faced, is losing your identity to the fact that you're pregnant. People tend to forget that you are still the same person and not just a pregnant lady.

2nd...Don't patronize. It's not that we're not right in our heads. We just have a lot of hormones and have the possiblity to get emotional more often. For instance, for someone who no longer cries when Bambi's mom gets shot, well that same person when pregnant would probably shed a couple tears. It doesn't mean we're going to start crying for no reason or fly off the handle about nothing. Normal things that may upset a person are just felt a bit more deeply when pregnant. For instance, I would be really upset if I lost my job. If I lost my job while I was pregnant, I might be really angry or cry about it. Things that would upset me in the first place would just upset me a little more if I'm pregnant. You don't have to walk on eggshells. As long as you're not saying anything that would be offensive to anyone, you wouldn't have a problem.

3rd...if you are going to talk about the pregnancy and babies, you don't have to pretend to be interested. There are a ton of very interesting topics to discuss in a pregnancy. It's not just all baby clothes and cutesy cutesy this and that. Pregnancy is a science and the things that happen to the body in the process are amazing.

My point is this: You don't have to give special attention to someone who is pregnant, or talk to them any differently than you did before. Just be polite and thoughtful, as you should with anyone.

Answer 2

Well, that depends on the individual, the time of day, and the mood she is in! lol Not much help, I know.

Seriously, patronising is NOT a good idea so you're safe there.

Just say hello, ask how are you, and then LISTEN. Sometimes it is wonderful talking about your pregnancy and details, other times it is the last thing you want to talk about. I know that I appreciated being treated as a "person" sometimes, and not just a "pregnant woman". Know what I mean?

If you're asked, "Do you think I look fat?", then give an honest but considerate response: your pregnant, not fat. Something like that - it's hard to know exactly what to say when I don't know the person. :)

Something which would be helpful, would be to ask if she would like to go for coffee (or juice, water, whatever). If she is wanting to talk about baby clothes, then go with the flow. If you aren't interested, then say that you aren't familiar with baby clothes but it sure sounds like she is looking forward to shopping.

If you do upset her, then apologise. Offer a hug (if appropriate to the situation).

Most of all, remember that there are a zillion hormonal changes happening, she will want to be treated as a 'person' sometimes and as a 'pregnant woman' at others; and she can change her mind in the matter of minutes!

The fact that you have asked for help is a good starter: it means that you are willing to talk about things you wouldn't normally.

Hope this helps some!

Blessings, Gypsy Queen

Answer 3

You ARE the dad? aren't you? You should have a little natural interest in all that is happening. Just follow her lead, if she wants to talk..then talk. She might just want to have her back rubbed, or maybe, you might rush ahead to open the door for her. Show some amazement in what the two of you have created. Don't just offer help, be observant and do what needs to be done without being asked Tell her and show her you love her and the baby. And when she is at the hospital to have the baby, for goodness sake, don't buy her a flannel nightgown or terry robe!! Get something sexy, and don't get it in a XXL size! It would be better for her, no , for you, if you got it too small.. tell her that that is the size she appears to you. Course, the right size is nice. Good luck, daddy. As soon as you see/hold that baby, your tune will change! don't be shocked if you forget your own name!!

Answer 4

First, don't worry about "patronising or treating people like their not right in the head. " That will just make things worse.

Don't mention "fat" at all. Just tell her how great she looks.

Allow her to be "hormonal", simply say little and ride it out.

Assuming you are the spouse....show an independant interest, buy/make some things for the baby w/o being told. As she is "nesting" do your part ot feather that nest. As the male you can focus on safety things as she is into the cuteness side, that way she will feel supported w/o you risking offending her taste in how things should be looking.

Tell her how happy you are.

Also, please do not forget she is your wife. make an extra effort to do things for her that have nothing at all to do with her being a mother. Romantic little things, like when you were dating. Doing that will stop any insecurities she has as soon as they enter her head.

Answer 5

There is not really a right answer for this question. When you are pregnant you really don't think about what other people think or feel. Nothing you do is right what you do this day might not work the next day. I say just try to be really sensitive, think twice before you talk, and just love her. When I say love I mean let her know every second IE kiss and hug her more often and do things to let her know she is loved. That is one thing that pregnant need is love. Good luck I hope you find the right answer to help you.

Answer 6

You want the truth? YOU'RE NOT READY FOR THE TRUTH
(Jack Nicholson)

There is no easy answer. You have to be patient. Patience is hard. Patience requires patience.

A few months from now the woman you (presumably) care about is going to pass a 5-8lb. new life from her innards, it's gonna hurt, and the very process endangers her life.

Treat her like you'd treat a parent who is possibly going to die soon. Give her everything she wants. Try to figure out what she wants before she asks for it---you'll fail, but she'll appreciate the effort, someday. Be sweet and kind and when she is picking colors, pretend to be interested. TRY to be interested. If necessary, pick a color, a pattern, but be ready for your pick to be wrong.

Buy a life-insurance policy.

Being a father is an awesome experience. I did not want to be a dad---at all. I had seperated from my lady, and she asked me to come to her family reunion with her because she wasn't ready to tell her folks that we'd split. When I met her at the family reunion, well, we conceived a child---her idea not mine. She knew she was fertile, as she later told me in a moment of weakness.

In the delivery room, I did not care if she, or the child, lived or died. I felt trapped. I was a self-centered ******.

then I held my son. my life totally changed. so will yours.

whatever you do, at this time, to placate your lady, make her happy, you'll be GLAD you did.

My son is a very successful young man with many talents, gifts and friends. I love him more than life.

Make your lady happy---no matter what it takes. Brian

Answer 7

well I'm guessing that if it is your kid then the women is most likely to be ticked off at you personally. But women always like to feel special, so tell her 'your looking exceptionally beautiful today'. This works wonders with women, even if they re not pregnant. You dont always have to talk about the baby, ask her how her day had been. buy her nice gifts like flowers or treat her to a health spa, or something in that description, but make it clear its for her to relax. But if its a friend then these work just as well but tel her you care for her a lot and you will be there for her to talk to or if she needs any help.

Answer 8

Say yes dear a lot...a lot.
Say things like " I love the glow you get", "You look beautiful"
the all purpose, "How do you do it" said in tones of marveling at her every accomplishment, no, not at the sight of her getting out of bed in her ninth month, use some logic here.
Don't rub her tummy unless shes asked you then look in awe when the baby moves, drop the word 'fat' from your vocabulary altogether.
Funny thing is that you can pretty much say whats in your heart, its just that I've noticed men never get their hearts out in the open, but nows the time to do it, she needs your support more than ever, its a good way to cement a realtionship for the future, and a great way to enjoy being a parent.

Answer 9

Women, in general, and especially pregnant women don't need you to patronize. We can usually see right through that. What we want is for you to "understand" what we're going through. Understand that our feet hurt, understand that we are scared and happy at the same time, understand that we go off like we're crazy in the head, understand that we love you but "not tonight".

Truly, if you're sincere, celebrate the two of you and upcoming three of you you're ahead of the game. However, if you want to have peace in your home and in her heart - understand. When she makes a statement or asks a redundant question, just say "I understand". If she repeats it, say "I understand". Today, through the term of her pregnancy and all the years in the future...the magic words every woman wants to hear from her partner are "I understand".

Have a happy baby and understand your baby's mom (even if you don't).

Answer 10

I think for me the best way is to treat her as you always do.Being pregnant is not a different situation, and if she gets emotional a big hug (a true one) will help more than everything else.The point about being fat : don't tell us that we are not fat ,we know we are.Jjust remind us that it all go away after the baby comes and that it's going to worth it since we are going to have abeautiful baby