My mother in-law wants my hubby and I to move in with her in a ranch style home. Her Husband just passed away and she needs help paying the bills and such. I personally don't think this is a good idea but my hubby thinks it will save us money in the long run. She is only in her 50's and really hasn't ever kept a job. We told her the only way it will work out is if she buys a townhouse or a duplex and we would live next door to her, but she insists that we just live with her. I don't really know how to tell her no but not to hurt her feelings. Any suggestions...?
2007-03-16 00:01:55 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Don't move in with her.
It is understandable that she doesn't want to be alone, but if you give in on this issue you will be helping her to become codependent and she will not be able to live alone ever.
ever.
Living next door or nearby is fine, it will give her the space she needs to live her life and allows you to maintain the space you need to keep a happy marriage.
Don't move in with her, just don't do it.
Tell her that you want to foster her comfort but want to make sure that you don't hamper her ability to live as she wants to live her life. You want to provide her the support and care that she is after, to show you love her and want to see her safe, and even help with the bills, but that you know that she will eventually have activities that she wants to do without the two of you, and would prefer to make sure she is able to do so without you getting in her way.
And help as much as you want, but don't make that mistake.
2007-03-16 00:09:29 · answer #1 · answered by Chali 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you are going to do it, go with your duplex plan. Otherwise it is her territory, her son will tend to revert back to being her little boy, or replace his father as man in her life.
Since she hasn't worked she will want to take care of him, her skill. You will be then seen as the one that stole son away, or the one that wants to take him away, making her all alone again.
You WILL feel pushed out, and ganged up on, unless your husband is a real winner.
Your instincts are correct. Don't look at the money, look at the survival of the marriage.
Her insisting that you live with her is a power move. Son will side with her, perhaps. Either way you will be unde her roof, etc, etc and all that that entails, good luck.
Sadly, you might lose in the long run, anyway no matter what you do.
2007-03-16 00:07:50 · answer #2 · answered by A Military Veteran 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Either her feelings get hurt or yours. I say she needs to move into a smaller home that she can afford. Saving money is one thing...saving sanity is another. At only 50 she should be out working and supporting herself and allowing you and your hubby to have your own lives.
2007-03-16 00:57:25 · answer #3 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From personal experience dont do it. Not a good idea, you can always help her out with bills. If you move in your stuck and their is no getting out, it will just lead to more conflict. She will do things different and you will do things different, thats where arguments will start. And your husband will probably end up taking her side, cause his mom is always right. People need privacy.
2007-03-16 00:59:41 · answer #4 · answered by UnitedStatesofAlbania 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what kind of mother in law she is. If you suggested her to move next door instead, there surely is a reason. These things rarely work. If you go live with her you may not find a way to get back from that situation, and that will hurt you, your husband , and mother in law. You will either hurt her feelings or yours. It's your choice. I wouldn't go.
2007-03-16 00:09:16 · answer #5 · answered by Silvia N 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your husband seems to be convinced by her but not you, right? Convince your husband by suggesting other alternatives and have him tell your mother in-law the final decision. You should never be the one to break the bad news because she will hold resentment toward you. Moms love their kids unconditionally no matter what, so have your husband as a messenger.
2007-03-16 03:08:38 · answer #6 · answered by Abby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well , my wife an i got 6 kids, an the 2 oldest boys are married,,,,, they learn it hard out their, an they came to us wanting to move back,,,so now with 6 kids, 3 grand babies 2 dar in law,, we still a happy family, true they do work, an put in on the bills, an they know they both got a built in babie sitter,lol,,, but we love both dar in law like they our own kids,,,,, so it depend on you,, who know you an you mother in law, may be come very close,,,
2007-03-16 02:57:32 · answer #7 · answered by ghostwalker077 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her no, it's not a good idea and it's one that makes you uncomfortable. Stand your ground and do not move in with her.
2007-03-16 03:26:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
depemds on how well you get along with her but as far as i have ever seen living with family never works
2007-03-16 00:14:24 · answer #9 · answered by bluelitttt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just remember one day u will also get 50 n old
2007-03-16 00:05:06 · answer #10 · answered by sanyog Kesar 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋