my parents are against this marraige?

Question

hi, i love this protestant guy and i m a Hindu , my parents feel that they will lose thier self respect and they will not be permitted to be in n around our communal social gathering , and he does not like or permit any inter religion marraige hence i just cannot marry him n they are constantly pestering me to forget him
in his case his parents welcomed his choice provided i accept his religion amd make no fuss later ........which i hav no problems with it........i cant live without this boy but cant imagine hurting my parents too plz help

Answer 1

ok, I know how you feel about this, but let me try to help you understand the choices you have to make.

first of all, Im a Hindu, and my gf(whom i am going to marry) is a Buddhist, we respect each other too much to even THINK about asking the other person to convert!

what is love?
Love is loving a person for what he/she is. and not for what he/she "MIGHT" be.
if a person loves you because he/she is expecting you to be someone else in the future..then its not love! its more like loving a person who conforms to his/her world view rather than that of both of you

I know that Buddhists and Hindus don't have probs intermarrying because , the eastern religions are not religiously-sectarian. unlike Christianity and Islam are(because they say that their path is the "only" path and everything else is wrong(a very religocentric-mindset i would like to add))

Let me ask you this. you say ur parents are not agreeing to this marriage

and you on the same question, say that your bf parents would agree to you marrying him IF you convert to his religion.

so what they are saying is that they DO NOT AGREE to you marryinf their son without converting.

whats the diff between the position of ur parents and theirs?
seriously? its the same thing!!

if u look at it objectively, im sure your parents would agree to u marrying this guy if he converted to Hinduism(but ur parents wont ask that cos Hindus don't go about asking people to convert!)

so the bottom line is that Ur parents are FAR too decent to just disagree with you. they do not stoop as low as the parents of ur bf and insist that they would agree that they would let u marry him if he converts to Hinduism

now say who was being mean here? your parents who simply object to u marrying him. or the parents of ur bf who object to you marrying their son UNLESS u convert?

obviously the parents of your bf are being mean and don't care 2 cents about u or your world-view.

and now lets talk about your bf

is he THAT spineless that he had to listen to his parents and not say a word against it?

Why cant he tell his parents to accept u as who you are?. isnt he a guy? is he under 18 or something? cant he make the biggest decision in his life without getting orders from his parents? IF he really respected you as who you are, he should have argued with his parents when they demanded that you convert!! if u ask me, i would say he is nothing but a spineless chicken!

do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a guy knowing FULL WELL that your opinion will always be secondary to that of his and his parents?. or is he one of those sexist's who assume that a womans job is to just shut up and do what the husband tells her to do?

do you really want to spend your life like that? if it were me i would have rather die than be a slave.

and im astounded that you really considered converting..god!! dont u see that he is playing with ur emotions?. cos he would obviously have no probs finding another girl to marry, while you would end up being heart-broken.

are u willing to just throw away everything you had known for all your life for a person who
1 does not value ur decisions
2 does not love u for who you are
3 is a mamas/daddies boy
4 is spineless enough not to argue back?

what he and his parents are proposing is modern day slavery and nothing less!!

and as i proved earlier, your parents are WAY too respectable when compared to his parents.

he is obviously not willing to go aginst the wishes of his parents. so pray do tell me why you should??

tell him that u cant convert, and tell him that if he does not love u as who you are, and if he cannot talk to his parents and marry u over their disapprovals(cos u would have to do the same thing too). then u can marry him . and make sure that the kids would be brought up in either religion.

make these things clear to him, If he truly loves you then he would treat you like a person and not like a slave.

ask him why you should lose everything while he loses nothing?

is that love?

no thats blatant selfishness!!

if he insists that you should convert(don't listen to his "but my parents say you should convert" talk. cos if he is to be a man, he should think for himself. you don't want to marry a sissyboy don't u?).if he says he cant go against the wishes of his parents but expects u to go against the wishes of urs, say bye bye to him and walk out.

so sister, do think over what i said and im sure thinks would take the right decision

may you have a happy life:)

Ps: dont forget that there he is not the "one" if he is selfish(as he is now)

Answer 2

It's hard to go against your parents when they don't accept your marriage, you have to understand and I am sure that you do, that the cultures and beliefs are totally different and they can't accept an interracial, interfaith marriage, but I am sure if you talk to them, and you are very sure of what you want, that this would be the man you wish to marry, and seeing your truthfulness and happiness would help them accept your decision. Give them a little time and they will see your love for him. Good Luck to you and I wish you the best.

Answer 3

this issue has been going on for thousands of years... if there wasn't any intertribal (mixed) marriages everyone would be walking around with 3 eyes and a second head growing out the neck do too inbreeding...

honestly... no one can answer that other then the facts are as you have written them. This will not be an easy life too live.

and love... I am a ****** for those in love.... sorry bother sides of your families have their heads up their butts.

Understand in those cultures... that is their life and traditon... but damn... this has been going on for generations, can't people learn to relax a bit...

also.. they do love you and see what your headed for.... they could be right you know....

good luck.

Answer 4

Unless your parents have legitimate reasons, marry the guy. The family will get over it...if they don't, maybe you're better off not having them in your life. It's sad but true :( Sometimes family can be toxic, and you need to do what's best for you and your new family.

Answer 5

YOU SEE< INDIA< THIS IS THE VERY REASON THAT I"M HERE< TO CLARIFY THINGS!!!!!!!!! OK, IT does not matter what religion you both have. DO you really love each other? If the answer is yes, don't worry about those things. You wont be asking those questions in bed, will you? And about you changing your religion, forget that!!! I'm puerto rican and my INDIAN PRINCESS can be WHATEVER religion her pretty little heart desires!!! That's the difference between me and that loser boyfriend of yours!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

Unless you two are planning to run away and live on a deserted island, you will have to exist in your various communities. Ask yourself if this "boy" is worth cutting off all ties to everything that is your heritage. If he's the one, he may well be worth it. But if he's just a passing infatuation, don't throw everything overboard for a brief fling.

Answer 7

Hey,
when they cant let you live your religion, then y accept them at all? If your lover is willing to marry you as you are, let him; otherwise get rid of him. did he not see this problem earlier before you thought of marriage? if you want your parents to accept him, show him as a human and not in the interest of religion. is he capable of looking after you as and how you are? if yes proceed. otherwise stop seeing him

Answer 8

If the table was turned...and he needs to be a Hindu would he still marry you??? is a question you must ask ..why do you have to convert:) and not him... or why can't you both keep your own religion?? each religion teaches us to be a good person..so no religion is bad.

my dear friend is Catholic, his wife is a Buddhist.they got married and each kept their religion..

His mum wanted the wife to convert...she said no...then when their kids came along the grandmother wanted them baptised..that didnt happen....their kids are raised up with no pressure to join either religion...though they are exposed to both...his wife said to me when they are 18 they can choose which one they want to follow.....

Answer 9

dear it will heart u but i will say leave that boy if u can .

what problem they hav when you hav no problem in adopting there religion but just think if u don't like something in their religion and don't want to do it than you can imagine what will happen

so dear don't hurt your parent they know the best for you

it is sad but it is gud for you

Answer 10

Same old problem, different religion, caste etc etc...
You are of sound mind and you can think. YOU must make your own decision.
There will always be this issue as to whether your parents will approve or not. If they approve then all is okay but if they dont, then what? The ball is in your court.
In life we cannot please everybody. You must please yourself first as this is your life.

Good Luck

Answer 11

This is a very tricky situation but the final decision lies with you!

You have to follow your heart as there will be nothing worse than looking back and wondering what if!