my friend isnt on this website so asked me to ask for her.she has been with her older boyfriend for a year now and he wants her to meet his daughter and she agreed but now he wants her to meet his 2nd younger daughter at the same time,shes really worried and doesnt know what to do,she doesnt want to just not show up.help coz i dont know what to suggest to her.
2007-03-15 22:05:26 · 15 answers · asked by Mal S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's no harm meeting both his daughters over a cuppa or meal. This is common courtesy. Have her find out what the girls like and get them each a 'welcome' present. They'll be delighted.
2007-03-15 22:10:32 · answer #1 · answered by SGElite 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Is you're friend similar ages with her boyfriends daughters, as you say he is older than her, if so it may be easier than she thinks as they will have things in common, music, clothes and views on the world if not and there is a big difference in their respective ages just take it as it comes, but she must remember she is the new one to the "family" the daughters may be jealous of her for being with their dad.
I would suggest she try's to find out some things about the girls first what they are into in music so on so when there are the awkward silences she would have chat to get things going again,and not to do the lovey dovey stuff in front of them he was their dad first and in their eyes dad's/mum's don't have a life not to mention a sex life.
2007-03-16 05:20:06 · answer #2 · answered by Pink 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is a problem to meet his second youngest when she is fine meeting his other daughter? I had to meet my partners 2 kids and even though i was incredibly nervous i was myself and i let them take things at their own pace. We get on great now and his 2 and a half year old daughter now calls my name if i leave the room and cuddles me etc... I didn't push it or make them feel uncomfortable. I still find it hard but they are part of my life because they are part of my partners and as they get older things will become easier.
2007-03-16 05:42:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey Mal.
I really think she should go, the kids can't get to like her if she doesn't go. This is going to sound a bit evil, but kids are easy to win over. Tell her if she brings them a present like chocolate or barbies then she's got their vote instantly. If she talks to them and takes an interest they'll like her. Tell her to bring along some board games they might enjoy and things like that, maybe disney monopoly or a skipping rope... I know that it will be scary for her to meet them for the first time, but they're only kids and they can't be that bad, can they? I'm sure she'll get to love spending time with them when she meets them and then that will make the meetings much more enjoyable.
Tell her to go for it!
Katie x
2007-03-16 06:32:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should discuss being a little nervous with her boyfriend.
You get a lot of horror stories but these are exceptions.
Don't take gifts, she has never met them and doesn't know what they like, they will see it as a set up involving Dad and an attempt to 'buy' approval.
Do take some money in case things warm up and you get a chance to do some things together.
It depends a lot on the circumstances of the children, is Mom still in their lives for e.g. If her b/f is a widower the kids might be really excited to meet dad's new g/f.
Don't try to be their 'best friend' straight off, but be prepared to lead the conversation a little by telling them something about herself rather than 'engaging' them by asking questions.
If they are school age for eg your friend might tell them something about her favourite sport at school, she may get the response 'I hate that sport' and she should expect to get 'rejected' to begin with. It is how kids test you.
Try to make a little light of it, be prepared to laugh at yourself and when the barbed comment comes do the laugh and say 'ouch that hurt a bit' in the most light hearted tone she can manage.
She is trying to show she is not a threst to their status with their Dad, their hope that Mom and Dad will get back together(if that is the situation) that she is not there to upset the current stability in their lives. She is not going to take Dad away but is going to add to the relationship.
Can't be done in one evening but helps if you can get off to the right start. If she doesn't kids often come round fairly quickly if you go along the lines of 'hey we got off to a bad start can we try again?' at future meetings.
Good luck to her but she must try to be herself, her b/f wouldn't be introducing her to his kids if he thought she was a Dodo.
2007-03-16 05:23:03 · answer #5 · answered by noeusuperstate 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she should meet them both and get it over with. Have her ask her boyfriend about the girls, what are some of their interests, do they have boyfriends, fave movie, toys etc. So she will be able to have a conversation with these girls. Believe the girls are going to be just as nervous meeting her. Make sure she brings them both a gift(some thing that they will like) make a day or evening out of it do dinner and a movie or breakfast and the beach, make it fun good luck
2007-03-16 05:16:41 · answer #6 · answered by sayj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, the boyfriend obviously wants her to meet them so that he can clear his conscience and continue to date her knowing that he probably has his kids' approval. It's difficult when you don't have kids, and you date someone who has - they have entirely different priorities and really do want everyone to try and get on OK. So if her b/f wants her to meet them, she should do so and try to get their approval, which will in turn help her relationship with her b/f. Best advice for meeting the kids - dress smart, don't be too clingy with the b/f (remember, he's their dad) and treat the girls like little princesses. They may be horrible spoilt little brats but if you smile sweetly, don't say much and treat them like royalty you cannot put a foot wrong!
2007-03-16 06:27:34 · answer #7 · answered by gorgeousfluffpot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she should ask herself WHY she is so concerned - is this a step too far in the relationship in which case its better to say - lets do it another time im not ready - this will make it clear things are progressing way too fast ....if you think she is just nervous that they wont 'like' her then tell her it wont matter - its only important that he likes her - she is after all going out with him and not the daughter :)
2007-03-16 05:44:45 · answer #8 · answered by celebrityhandbags 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her this is no big deal! my fella has two kids from a previous relationship and although they were shy around me at first now three years later i cant have a weekends peace and quiet without them being at our home! i love them both like mad but their mum doesnt help as she thinks I am a witch, more the other way around and now the kids are getting older they are discovering this for themselves. all the things that their mother told them about me are wrong and my stepson has even said on a few occasions that he loves me more than his mum. wrong i know but still nice to be appreciated. tell your friend not to worry, everything will be fine if she just acts normal with them and tell her not to try being their friend, let them come to her.
2007-03-16 05:11:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell her to just be herself, her man fell for her for a reason & would not dream of introducing her to his children if for one moment he doubted her & their relationship. The first meeting is important she needs to dress casually, be as open & friendly as poss without being over powering. Just go with the flow & all will be fine
2007-03-16 05:14:13 · answer #10 · answered by Denise W 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋