Huge dilemma here...I love this girl, but she's overweight...?

Question

I've known this girl for some time and we get along together great. She's very pretty but she's overweight. I know she's trying to lose weight, but it's been a while and it doesn't seem like she's trying very hard. I try to help her but she keeps snacking. She hasn't even met my family (I've met hers) because I know my family might talk about her weight (I know, they're sometimes mean). I love a lot of things about her, but the only issue is her weight. I"m normally attracted to petite women and find myself fantasizig about other smaller women...what should i do???? Thx

Answer 1

Either accept or dump her....you are given only 2 choices....

Answer 2

The million dollar question. I'm not up for the Disney answers so here I go. You need to weigh your physical attraction versus your emotinoal attraction. Obviously your physical attraction for her is lacking so you better love enjoying a lot of other things with her or it won't work. You can not assume that she will lose the weight because the better things go the more comfortble she could get and the desire to lose the wwight could disappear. If you want to help try going on a diet with her so you can both experience it together and can support one another. (It doesn;t matter how fit you are). On the other hand if it looks like she won;t lose the weight and you cannot live with it then you probably need to move on becuase even though you think she's overweight there are probably other people that would disagree and be glad to take your place.

Answer 3

Get over it. The person we fall in love with might not be our ideal physically and you know what? Physical stuff really doesn't matter. Beauty fades, people get fat. That's life. If you really love her, this wouldn't be a huge issue and you'd get past it.

You're more scared of what people will think of you because you're with her and she's not perfect. You're not perfect either and she accepts you. When you love someone, it's unconditionally. You knew she was overweight when you first got with her and you accepted that but now it's an issue? You can't always change people and sometimes, people are ok with themselves even if society isn't.

Do you live your life for yourself or for others? Is it more important to be happy or to impress people? Ask yourself those questions. If you're just not attracted to her physically, then dump her. Don't string her along.

If she wanted to lose weight, she would. She's obviously happy with herself or has no will power. Either way, she's the one who has to live in her body and ultimately, she's the one who decides if she wants to be healthier.

If you want a smaller woman, go out and get one. She might not have any qualities you like but, you'll have your petite girlfriend who is presentable. Would you rather have something that is real or something that the world thinks is pretty? You need to figure out what is most important to you and take it from there.

Answer 4

You're as shallow as a koi pond. You're just as mean as her family because you're judging only the outside. I mean, take a look at the way you started your question: HUGE dilemma here. You've already answered that you're not mature enough to date someone--much less get into a serious relationship with--because you're worrying about what other people will think when they see you together. Before you dump her think about what attracted you to her in the first place.

Also, how do you know she doesn't have reservations about your body size or various body parts? Someday--whether you're with her or someone else--you're going to look in the bathroom tub and see your hair in the drain. Then when you get out of the tub and start to towel off you'll realize you have a pouch at your stomach--and you don't even have the luxury of being a kangaroo! Maybe there will even be trips to the pharmacy for Viagra or whatever. How would you feel about a negative reaction from your partner then? You need to grow up emotionally.

Answer 5

I'm glad my husband didn't think like you lol. I was pretty chunky when we met. If you love her, that should be all that matters. She might have weight issues but you seem sort of shallow and insecure. (not trying to be mean there) Maybe together you could both work on yourselves and be happy! My weight issues were connected to sexual abuse, it took me a while to understand and deal with it. Once I did, it made losing much easier. Realize that many times this an emotional issue, nobody really "wants" to be fat. She might not lose weight now, or ever, if you feel you can't handle it, just move on.

Good luck :)

Answer 6

You are too shallow. What's wrong with someone being overweight? Even if she had other flaws...why does being overweight have anything to do with anything? I'm very skinny myself, but if you "love" everything about her, then you shouldn't mind her weight. If you do, then you must not love her enough. And forget about what others think. People say mean things all the time, but when it comes down to it, you're the one dating her, not your family. You can lose weight, but you can't change someones personality or character. Dont be shallow. It's not like she wants to be overweight. Why don't you try going running with her.

Answer 7

I think you have a couple choices.

If you really love her, then you love her as she is, overweight, anorexic, buff, whatever. Hang in there with her. Be supportive if she wants to be more active, eat better, etc., but don't be the watchdog of her diet.

If the weight issue is a major problem for you, maybe she's not the girl you want to be with long term. If you're already fantasizing about other women, you wouln't be off to a very good start for a relationship.

Answer 8

If you are fantasizing about other women, then maybe you need to leave so she can find someone that truly will love her. I am going to guess, that she desperatly tries to lose the weight, because she knows that you prefer smaller women. That stress alone, will cause problems for her.
It sounds to me like you do not really love her. You want to change her, and she cannot change for you. She has to want to change for herself.
Let her go, and get on with her life..away from you.
True love goes way beyond someone's physical appearance.

Answer 9

If you are that bothered by her weight, maybe she isn't right for you. She shouldn't be expected to lose weight just for you. If you aren't happy with her now, you won't be happy with her later. If you do love her, and she doesn't have a problem with you fantasizing about other women or even going with other women or double dating once in a while, by all means, stay with her, but if she can't deal with this, she's not for you.

Answer 10

Encourage her by spending time together at the gym, swimming, running, biking, hiking, and whatever else that is healthy you guys can do together. In short, be an example to her. When she hangs around you that way, she might pick up your good traits and start being healthy.

This will show that you are willing to help her. Also, tell her that you are concerned about her health. Tell her you care for her and that you are willing to support her every step of the way. You also have to tell her that she has to commit herself otherwise it is not going to work. To put some positive pressure on, tell her you believe in her and trusts her to succeed in any goal she might have.

Answer 11

you should look at what a great girl you've got, and look at the fact that she IS trying. i'm sure she probably doesn't like being fat, but sometimes she can't help but indulge a little. you should try going on a diet with her and see how tough it is. maybe that would help you stop fantasizing about smaller girls and realize what you already have.

and if your family doesn't like her just because of her weight, then that's their problem and not yours. if they can't have the decency to be nice towards this girl and give her a chance, then screw them.