I have so many different friends and we all differ greatly on childrearing. My approach is to be open, understanding, communicate and to allow my children to be theirself (within reason). A lot of my friends feel love hard, and rule with an iron fist, that your children need to fear their parents so as they grow older they will stay in line. I feel if you are close to your children, they will not want to disappoint you, and will do right. Thoughts?
p.s. we are all single mothers
2007-03-15 19:37:04 · 11 answers · asked by lazy_n_spoiled 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No to the iron fist. A child should respect their parent(s) not fear them. I agree with you, open understanding, communication are all important in raising a child. You are helping them to become responsible adults. There should always be a boundary, but mutual respect helps on that too. Example-is the best teacher. Communication is vital in all relationships. A parent is to love, lead, set a good example, protect, defend their children. Realize that communication needs to change a bit when the child becomes a teen. By then, yes still have house rules, but by then there should be a good enough communication between parent/child, that they already know the house rules, and abide by them. You discipline a child, not punish. Concentrate on the positives, not the negatives. Discipline means to teach. Take care.
2007-03-15 20:57:53 · answer #1 · answered by SAK 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good luck with your goals, but I consider them to be very unrealistic. As you have mentioned, it is entirely impossible to raise a child 100% toxin free. It is in the air you breathe, water you drink, things you handle, etc. There are so many toxins out there that it is impossible to avoid them unless you get a cabin out in the wilderness at least 100 miles from society (preferably 500 miles). But go ahead and try the whole toxin-free, organic food thing. This will all work fine and dandy until the kid goes to school and finds out that you have been hiding the existence of Oreo cookies from him.... Well it sounds like you've already made up your mind sugar, so what are you wanting from us? A pat on the back? Affirmation of your stellar parenting abilities before you are even a parent? I will tell you one thing though, I have never seen a child turn down a gummy bear (or any treat for that matter) from someone they know....
2016-03-16 21:27:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think there is a balance in between both situations you described. I try to parent like my mother did. She had this way of being soft and gentle. Probably more like your approach than your friends. I always thought of her if i was about to do something that might disappoint her. It was the last thing I ever wanted to do. According to her, I've yet to disappoint her at all! That's a wonderful thing. Now, If i can accomplish this same thing with my kids, I'll be very happy. And so will my kids!
Good luck :)
2007-03-15 20:08:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe in being close to your children. Part of that closeness will come from setting family rules and consequences for not following the rules. The rules and consequences need to be consistent and fair. You are not doing children any favors by letting them get away with inappropriate behavior. Kids want to know their boundaries even if they do not like them. You are showing your love more by being authoritative and loving then carefree. I have been a single mother, it is a tough thing to do.
2007-03-15 22:34:53 · answer #4 · answered by peach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way I'm being raised is how my Mom wants me to be, not how I want to be. She is very stirct of me, and rules over me with an iron first, as you said. I have nightmares almost everynight that she is going to come into my room and kill me. She's raised me to be afraid of everyone and look for protection, rather than to protect myself, anywhere and anytime... I'd rather be raised freely than this, I am not allowed to go outside unless it's to get the mail or take out the trash, and I have no friends. I realy would rather have no child be like me and have parents raise them freely. If you'd like to know why I think she's going to kill me, I've overheard alot of stories that when she was riaseing three of her kids, a couple of knights, she had cleaned out three knifes and had gotten gloves and she was going to kill each one of them because she though they wern't liveing a good life with her...
Don't treat your children like this, please!
2007-03-15 19:47:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I congradulate you on your Approach ! The iron-fist theory
dissolved in about the 1970's. Too many kids were slap-
ped arround, & beaten, it just leads to resentment.
Children who receive respect, will return it ! There are many
out dated "Disciplinary tactics". But, discipline is still in
style ! I am quite proud, I won a "Best answer" on similar to
this several months ago.( Ps. I'm a mature guy.) Most Kids
will Honor& respect, 'cool' Professional parents. Please &
Thankyou's, will form a "Positive Bond". as well as 'Being
there for them', when they are not quite 'Ready to ask'!
or are having a peer problem! more questions or chat ?
canwest4assoc@yahoo.ca
2007-03-15 21:20:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be close to your children so that they know that you love them and they can trust in you, but never let them take you for granted or disrespect you. I didn't realize how I took my parents for granted until I turned about 22. Don't be too strict on them either. Every boy & girl wants to be loved, even by their friends, so let them go to school dances and buy them certain things you know they're dying for. This builts confidence in them and it will help them survive the harsh world out there.
2007-03-15 19:43:50 · answer #7 · answered by C 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I believe in behavior and reward/priveliges. My daughter and I have always been close because I didn't expect her as a child to think like an adult, I understood (or tried to understand) that as a child she would think and relate to things as a child and not as an adult. This resulted in less frustration within myself. As a "reward" for us both once a month we had our "slumber party" night and I would revert to being a child myself. We played children's games, popped corn, ate tons of ice cream and candy, drank sodas, sat up all night watching children's videos....and most important we talked. I learned about who my daughter was. As years went by we kept our "slumber party" nights even through the teen years and we talked...sometimes I would find things out that mom's don't want to know but I do appreciate the honesty. Now that she is 21 we have gone from mother and daughter to "room mates" as she still lives with me, she pays half of everything and I pay half just like room mates do. We don't really have our "slumber party nights" because we are both adults now but we still talk...and yes...there are MORE times now when I really don't WANT to know about what is going on...but I do appreciate the honesty still.
2007-03-15 19:45:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
All of my friends that have children are VERY close to their children; however, when their children do something wrong, there is punishment - and they stick to the punishment.
I believe that children should not be scared of their parents, but they should know their parents are the boss, and whatever the parents say, the children should listen to. If the children disobey, then the children should be punished.
2007-03-15 19:43:19 · answer #9 · answered by coconutnoodle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i like the approach but they must respect you, listen when you tell or ask them to do something, always be kind and help-full
to older people and love animals and reading is also important helps with communication and spelling
2007-03-15 19:53:33 · answer #10 · answered by cheri 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋