Has your relationship cost you your social life?

Question

Well we're all getting older, biological clocks are a'ticking, men are getting tired of the single life - so the need for a permanent fulfilling relationship is generally gradually mounting in us all. I have observed in some old friends that they generaly sacrifice the bulk of their social lives to be with their partners, I'm not talking anout raising a family - that of course is completely understandable, kids take up all your time. But do you find it acceptable to loose touch with friends through commitment to your partner? Best friends with your partner is a great thing, but is it worth the gradual loss of your friends thru not spending any time with them? This seems to be a common practice nowadays. Any thoughts or comments?

I'm single! I'm talking about three or four friends who have no kids but have drifted off with their partners! The vast majority of my friends are still good and true! I find it amusing when one of these friends gets lonely or feels guilty and looks to hook up to catch up. I'm not annoyed or anything, it's just an interesting observation!

Whenever I'm not single I try to spend equal time between friends and my girlfriend. Admittedly this won't be possible if or when children are involved...

And the bulk of my friends I know atleast 15 years! I'm 26! We're a tight group!

My friends are all very sound, very understanding people!

Answer 1

I did, I lost damn near everything being young and dumb.

Since I was 18 I was with one girl, Im 23 now, and I really dont have a great friend, let alone more than a couple of people Id call friends. I guess it happens to some of us if we lose sight of the big picture.

Luckily for me, I was able to break free of it, granted it took me 5 years to realize that this isnt the way a relationship is supposed to be. You shouldnt feel guilty or wrong for wanting to hang out with your friends, and if you do its because youre with the wrong person. Unless of course your girlfriend is right about what happens when you hang out with your friends (cheat, get stupid drunk, or you dont come home at a respectable hour) but if you just go to have fun then you should be able to without a second thought.

I think its healthy for a strong relationship to hang out with other people without your significant other around. You get to joke with your boys and have a different type of good time, and hey if you need to get something off your chest that you cant talk to your woman about, your friends are the perfect people to talk to. And it also allows for more conversation at home, you can ask about each others day/nights, how so and so is doing.

If youre in a relationship and realize your friends are slipping away, Id grab them back asap, or find a new partner.

Answer 2

That shouldn't be a problem. Each person in a relationship or marriage can keep their old friends. If socializing with old friends takes you to places that are more appropriate for single people (you know what I mean) then it may cause tension between you and your partner. You can invite old friends over to your home or a couple can go out, together, with old friends. I understand your question because I've seen it happen....a couple gets wrapped up in their own world. A loving commitment to another person does indeed change your prior life a bit. The ideal situation is that you would hopefully meet a partner with whom you prefer to be with most of the time. Take this from an older, wiser person like myself.

Answer 3

It's simple really,

A woman demands attention. All of it....
But you will find that you can demand the same.

You will lose touch with friends but you will also make new friends as a couple - friends who you share.

This is a normal part of life. Some people fit into your relationship but other have a disruptive influence and have to go.

It's all about personal sacrifice for the greater good.

Being in a relationship means that it's your duty and responsiblity to make that person happy - otherwise you are wasting their lives. Same goes for them.

When I first got with my partner I found that my only remaining friend was a doughnut...... That was 6 years ago.

I ate it..... And now I cant stop!!!

Answer 4

wow this is actually very big issue that goes mostly unrecognized by society. There has to be a happy medium between relationships with significant others and friends. It can't be to the point where you are ignoring one of them in order to go spend time with the other. Also perhaps invite your girlfriend to events that involve your friends and a bunch of people. Never stay out of touch though with friends, that's very important. But again, neither should be sacrificed, find a happy medium.

Answer 5

I don't think you can blame the gradually lost of friendship on a partner. The case is the individual is building his own life and his world and it requires a lot of time. I still keep in touch with most of my friends and even more lately that I created a myspace page. If I want to go out with them I do, my wife doesn't care.

Answer 6

I've always hated it when friends put their boyfriends before friendships but, it's easy to focus on one person and neglect the rest of your life sometimes. I think it's healthier to have a balance. You can't devote your entire life to your partner. You can to a degree but, I think it's better if you have a well rounded life and outside friends/interests. I've personally never done it unless my friend hated my bf at the time. I had friends that never wanted me to be happy and talked mess about my bf because they didn't want my attention elsewhere. In those cases, I did choose the bf over my friend because a friend is suppose to be supportive if you're happy. I try not to rely on one person (or any person really) for my happiness or social outings. Sooner or later, that one person will exit your life and then you're left with a whole lot of nothin'.

Answer 7

I think its only natural to spend less time with your friends when you partner-up but not completely lose contact altogether. True friendships will withstand relationships but also understand that it is the single friends role to also understand that their friend wants to spend time with their partner. I guess its all part of growing up. Maybe you could get a girlfriend and go out as a 4some :)

Answer 8

i know what you're saying and i suppose i agree with you,but i guess during the first few months i can understand being inseperable...falling in love and wanting to be with that person all the time but i do still think you should have time for friends and family,partners come and go..well most of the time,friends and family are for life..if you're with the right person then i believe a healthy relationship is a balance of time with them, yeah probably the majority,it's normal but also free time on your own to do your own thing

Answer 9

Your right, if I am not at work I am with my partner...I have noticed I have spent less time with friends and after 6 months with partner I need to make time for friends, because she and I are just inseparateable...so I have made time away or with her to join me in outting with other friends...the ole saying rings true, to much of anything isn't a good thing.

Answer 10

Well, my long term partner/husband will have to socialise WITH me, not on his own, & not always with his mates. Don't get me wrong, a guys night out every once in a while is good (as is a girls night out) but if you are a couple, you should be able to socialise, have fun & enjoy yourselves TOGETHER!
A couple should WANT to solialise together! I have been with my bf for 4 years & we have the best times/nights outs when we are together. I hope it will always be that way, as it should be that way.
If it's not, then there are flaws in the relationship.