Should I say this to the girl I miss? (I turned 17 a month ago) What do I get for her 17th b-day in two weeks?

Question

The reason I liked her in the first place is because she said she liked me online after two weeks of us talking, then I was excited because I felt good that someone finally liked me. I asked her how she felt about me the next day, then she said she didn't really know, she had too many boys in her life and didn't know how to handle it. After a month she told me she didn't liked me but I still liked her. So I kept talking to her hoping she would eventually change her mind and give me a chance. After a while I noticed she was everything I've looked for in a girl and I fell in love with her. After 4 months of us talking she told me she was falling in love with someone else, whom she gave a chance and not me, and that a couple of her friends were falling in love too. I implied to her that I was falling in love with her and she kept asking me who. Then she asked if it was with her, but I felt I shouldn't say so online so I changed the subject and found out we were unknowingly both watching

the same tv movie. We were going to be somewhere and there I would tell her. I panicked and told a friend what she said. I was afraid of her liking someone else besides me. I left out the names of her friends when I told him. He figured out who and teased her friends about falling in love, so the girl I like got mad at me and wouldn't talk to me. At the time I didn't know better to not say anything at all that we talked about. After I gave her space for two months, then we had a small conversation until her bus came and I asked her if she was still mad at me. She told me no, she just didn't want to talk to me anymore. So I haven't tried to talk to her but when I say hi to her sometimes she says hi back, and once we did have a very short conversation. I wonder if maybe she cut me off because she doesn't want to get hurt in case I'm too good to be true. Boys have dated her friends and told them they loved them, had sex with them (she's the only virgin in her main group) and dumped them.

So now, I want to write her or speak to her. Below is what I want to say to her. What should I change? Is it too long?

Hey. How are you? You know, ever since we stopped talking, (we haven't talked for 10 months) I had been going over everything in my head, trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. You know, I still remember what you said to me the last time we talked, the things you were mad at me about. It was because of you that I started working on those things. I know you probably still don't want to talk to me. It's just that a special girl like you is hard to find, you're unlike any friend I've ever had. No other girl is as amazing, wonderful, smart, talented, funny, and beautiful as you. No one else has your light brown eyes that sparkle when you're happy and fade away when you're sad, or your bright smile. There was a time when I was feeling down that you could tell something was wrong because you know me. I'm the same way about you. I know you think I don't know you, and I know I don't know everything about you, but I want to know everything about you. I really care about you and like I

said, you're special to me. Without you, I just had to admit that I must be really stupid for not understanding then what you were trying to tell me, that it wasn't anything wrong with me that you didn't like, it was you just didn't share those feelings for me that I had for you.
I've found out for myself it was better when you didn't like me in that way. Now that you don't like me at all, it's alot worse. For the things I've done, I'm really sorry. I was just afraid of losing you, so I did. I only want us to start over, pretend this whole thing never happened and if necessary forget that there was any mention of romantic interest between us. Maybe we could chill and hang out somewhere sometime as just friends, because I know with you I don't have a chance. I just want your friendship back, if it's ok with you. (END) (continues If sent in a letter) If writing this to you makes how you feel about me worse, then if you'd like to, just forget that I wrote it.

If what you want is to never see me or speak to me again, I will just try to let you go just because I only want to make you happy. (END) I just want to know what should I do for her birthday or if I should pretend I forgot, but I really don't want to play anymore silly games like I don't care about her because I'm tired of them.

Answer 1

Ok well the letters pretty good... actually, its really good, but dont ask her to hang out with you in it. Just make it an apology and not a way to get her back. If she accepts it, then she will get back to you. If you say you want to hang out, she'll know thatll be an awkward situation next time she sees you. If you dont bring that up, she knows you'll understand if she doesnt get back to you.

If that makes sense...

But for her birthday, id say forget about it. If you send the letter today, it should get there by mid next week and she'll have time to invite you over or whatever. If she does, then you can worry about a present. If she doesnt, just assume that as much as you want to be with her or hang with her, she doesnt want the same. If you showed up at the party, she would just get pissed.

But reallyy dont worry about it. Im 17 too and ive been through stuff thats real similar. It sucks hardcore but you'll find that if you look for them, theres other girls that are as good or better. Three weeks ago i lost someone i thought was nearly perfect, and yesterday i met someone that seems even better... you just have to try to meet new people and forget about things that you cant control (her feelings)