My boyfriend and I have been dating now for about a month and a half. It seems like i am not really that important to him. He is really serious about school and is studying a lot and when he's not doing that, he is hanging out with his friends. I only get to see him like once a week maybe and we don't really talk that much. I know he doesn't have anyone else and I would really like to stay with him because I really like him. However, it is really hard because it doesn't really seem like he is interested even though he says he is. I'm afraid to talk to him about it because I don't want him to think I want to break up.
2007-03-15 18:00:22 · 9 answers · asked by rae r 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Darlin' everybody has different needs and ideas of what makes a relationship a healthy working relationship, but the truth of the matter there really is only 3 keys to make it work. 1) Love and desire to make it work, cause some times you just have to stick it out and make it work even when you don't think you really want to.
2) Trust and honesty, for no relationship will ever survive with anything less then trust.
3) Compromise and understanding comes in. Like i said earlier, everyone has different needs and desires and ideas of what makes it work, but guess what. Neither of you are completely right or completely wrong. You have to meet both needs, want and desires so that when compromise comes in to play.
You got the first one going obviously, else you would not have penned your question tonight, but the other 2 are whats missing.
You need to be open and honest about what you feel and desire from him, else you will eventual get frustrated and blow up at him and that will not be good for either one of you.
And you need to explain to him that you are not saying he isn't good to you, it's just that you would like to have a more involved relationship. Explain to him what it is that you need from him and understand that this is not gonna be an overnight thing or easy for him. And he needs to understand how important compromise means to a relationship.
2007-03-15 18:20:51 · answer #1 · answered by Smurfy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you have to realize that he is responsible and that is a good thing. Being serious in school tells you that he is responsible, have goals in life, and can focus on important things.
Second, you also need to realize that you don't have to see each other everyday. I know you probably mean that you just want to see him more than once a week. Every couple in a relationship needs time away from each other. I'm guessing that you are both young. This is the time of your lives to focus on your future and success. It is very important and should be everyone's top priority. A loving and caring partner should understand this because it should be the same for him/her. Anyone who really cares for you will also care about your future and vice versa. What I'm trying to say is see it as a good thing. Too much time together can make you get on each other's nerves. Both of you will appreciate being together when you barely spend time together. However, I also agree that once a week is difficult. I suggest talking on the phone with him about anything at all. Ask how his day went and tell him about yours. Talk about your goals in life, what you want to do, want to be, where you want to be. This way, you still get closer together and get to know each other better and not suffocate each other. Try calling him if he doesn't call you. If he's too busy to talk, write him a letter, give it to him whenever you see him, and tell him to write you back.
Third, friends are important. Make sure you hang out with your friends too. They are your support system. I'm guessing his friends are important to him and that he is probably making the effort of keeping his friendships. Understand that some guys need the feeling that they have a strong support from their friends, whether it's for a sport, hobby, or passion.
Fourth, don't take the little things for granted. If he called you to tell you he misses you, be happy. If he says you are important to him, take his word for it unless he did something that makes you think otherwise.
Fifth, be a loving, understanding, and supportive girlfriend. No explanation needed.
Sixth, you need to show him you are an independent lady. I'm sure this will catch his attention.
Seventh, remember that you can only do so much. If you've tried your best and still feel the same way, there might be something wrong. Talk to him about it and be honest with yourself and with him. Do not be afraid to talk to him. If there's anything I can convince you to believe, it would communication is the best thing to resolve any problem. Communication is vital and sacred in any relationship, business, family, or romantically. Tell him you want to work things out and you want to know what he thinks. In fact, I think you should go talk to him about this right now.
I hope things work out well. Good luck!
2007-03-15 18:30:42 · answer #2 · answered by Honesty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationship is like a two way street but sometimes the other traffic has to stop for the other traffic. What I am trying to say is try to talk to to him because may be both of you are like closed books that need to open to each other so you can read each other.
2007-03-15 19:26:13 · answer #3 · answered by avenger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is going on already then he really does not care about you, he may say that he does but if you want to be happy you had better find someone that reciprocates your feelings and desire to be one with another.
You are only dating and he is treating you like you have been married for 30 years. RUN.
2007-03-15 18:08:11 · answer #4 · answered by novo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When talking with your boyfriend you need to say things like. I realy need this in a relationship. I need that in a relationship. Do not say things like "you don't spend time with me" that puts his back up.
After you have stated what you need see if he changes any. If he doesn't it just wasn't ment to be.
My boyfriend of 9 years is not a affectionate person. After my talking about what I need in a relationship it has gotten better. You do have to be open for compromize though...
2007-03-15 18:09:10 · answer #5 · answered by w_breezy34 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should let him know.... I think if you lead on that we never get to spend enough time together and I don't think mean much to you than maybe he'll change his mind, because then he'll be afraid of losing you. But, if you give him the second chance and nothing change, then move on.
Hope it works out for you.
2007-03-15 18:05:29 · answer #6 · answered by marajader2d2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I really think your should sya that, but before you start say you are not saying you want to break up.If he proceeds to act that way, try again or find a better man who actually cares for his gurl!
Good luck!
2007-03-15 18:05:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The key here is that you have only been dating a month and a half. Talk to him about it.
2007-03-15 18:04:24 · answer #8 · answered by alexandria1_1999 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like to me you are insecure..
2007-03-15 18:03:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋