Husband showers with 5 yr old daughter?

Question

My husband showers with our 5 yr old daughter. Our daughter is severly hearing impaired and does not speak (some ASL). She is very emotionally attached to her father. I feel that it's not Ok for them to shower together. I need input?

Answer 1

At that age it is not okay anymore. She is at the age where she recognizes the difference between male and female. They need to find something else to do together. A sport? Hobby?

Answer 2

I am sure your husband has no bad intentions what so ever, however you need to let your daughter know that it is time for her to let daddy have his privacy during those times.

She needs to understand that when people are in the restroom it is a very private thing... I think that it is not wrong to let her shower with him but it is probably uncomfortable sometimes for BOTH of you and she is at the age now where some of her childhood memories WILL consist of her taking showers with her father, and yes, seeing his penis...

I dont know if she will want that later in life, to have seen her daddys penis a million times and have it had been a regular occurence...

Also, how do you communicate with your daughter? It is important now that you get her in full ASL programs, and that you establish some form of communication so that she is not deprived as a child. Communication is key in many many instances and in a parent-child relationship... in order for her to understand that she cannot take a shower with her father and that she needs to become more independant; you first need to learn how to better communicate with her! She needs to start learning how to be more independant now, even if it's something as small as learning how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich... It is preparing her for real life.

Answer 3

I live in Ethiopia, where the concept of Pedophilia (and incest) is pretty unknown (or pretty well hidden) so fathers can have baths with their daughters who are ten years old and not know the difference, because knowledge isn't always good, is it? It's not always good to loose the beauty and the innocence of life, as it were before "our eyes were opened" to much darker things. For, if i remembered correctly from my bible study classes, what "the enemy" does to lead a spiritual person astray is plant a seed first. A thought! A knowledge. A revelation. You toss and turn about it, you resist it and end up obsessing about it. And finally it would be too much and you give in. Kind of thing anyway. So... it maybe good that your husband and daughter are bonding this way. It may be ok. It should be ok. Why not? He is her father, she's the little girl. It was ok when we were growing up. It should be ok now. But who knows, right? And it's not as if you can stop it too, without damaging their father/daughter relationship forever. And probably your marriage too. I'll seriously talk to a family watchucallthem councilor? about this. On how to handle it. God help you!

Answer 4

Hey I dont really see a problem with this but this has to be the last year for it and then maybe a bath for her and it can still be daddy daughter time but its hard not knowing you.. Personally i asked my partner and he said things like that should really stop at 3 or 4. Its hard to say By the age of 6 i would put a stop on it... The world has changed so much since we were kids. My dad said i had showers with him and he said i stopped showering with him when i was 3 he put a stop to it and told me because i was a big girl i need to have baths from then on... He reckons i had seperation anxiity from it however, he thought that this was best...But it is really up to you and how you feel about the situation it sounds like you want it to stop you need to discuss this matter with him. Its really each their own and what they feel comfortable with.

Answer 5

It all depends on what YOU think is weird, and how well you know your husband. Society has SOOOO much to do with how you view this kind of morality. It is NOT a black and white issue around the world, although it might be in this country.

Our 3 children (6 yo boy, 3 yo girl, 1 yo girl) take a family jacuzzi with us every month. We are from a culture that totally separates nudity from sexuality. In America there seems to be a presumption of pedophilia. I absolutely, positively know neither my husband or myself have ANY sexual feelings toward children, not even a whisper of temptation in that direction. If that is the case, why should nudity be a big deal in our family? Our children see us naked in a completely nonsexual context. I saw my father pee while I was growing up and considered it like belching: gross but no big deal. We're usually clothed of course but my children have seen us on the toilet, taking showers and breastfeeding. They have never seen us do anything sexual while naked, so they are unaware of that aspect of nudity. At some point they might get uncomfortable with it, so then they will (as I did), knock on the door of the bathroom to say someone was on the phone rather than just barge in. But personally I am fine with letting it progress naturally.

Answer 6

I want to ask 1 question? Why is your husband showering with your daughter
and not you? {hearing impaired or not--no excuse}. You are opening up a very
dangerous precedent. This is a question that shouldn't even be asked, it should
be a matter of common sense on your part. You're the mother, that's your job.
This beats just about everything.

Answer 7

I agree that it is no longer Ok for this activity to continue. I think it's important that you reiterate to your husband that it's not that you think there is anything 'inappropriate' going on between the two- as that is not personally where I am coming from at all.
Personally, I don't feel that co-bathing with either parent past three is appropriate. Hearing impaired or not, she is still a child and by the age children are naturally very curious.
This may go against what many naturalists believe- but personally I feel like from a mothers point of view- point blank- co-bathing at this age is NOT appropriate regardless of which parent it is, or the sex of the child.

It may be difficult to wean her from this activity, but it's important that your husband is on board with the idea of letting her bathe by herself. I agree with other Answerers' suggestion of helping her wash her hair or what have you.

She is only hearing impaired, correct? She is not mentally handicapped. I think thats a mentality that needs to be solidified through actions- and the first one being, stop this activity... NOW.

Good luck dear!!!

Answer 8

I'm going to get a million thumbs down for this, but its my opinion and I'm entitled to it!!


Part of our society's problem is that we are INCREDIBLY Puritanical and too conservative when it comes to our human anatomy.

Let's be honest here, guys.

One of the problems we have in our society is that no one talks about the obvious. Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina. We all know that, right? When did you learn it? WHen you were 6? 7?

And did your parents make you feel ashamed to ask the questions? Did you not 'see' a real human body of the opposite sex until you had sex for the first time or got your hands on a playboy for the first time? How "dirty" did that make you feel? How guilty for wanting to KNOW about the HUMAN ANATOMY did you feel?

We make the natural world, our natural human bodies, out to be things to be ashamed of.

They aren't.

When our children point and say "Mom, what are those and why doesn't daddy have them," we should be HONEST with our answers. We should tell them the real words for body parts, we should tell them that our children should feel comfortable asking us any questions.

We should NOT automatically assume that just because someone doesn't run screaming when nude, that they are a child molestor.
Perhaps they just have a different concept of modesty than other people. This doesn't make them inherintly bad-- just different.

As one other poster said, this reaction is not what you would encounter in other countries/cultures!! Do they have a high rate of incest or molestation? Not necessarily. Its just a different thought process and culture.

Of course there ARE situations where adults will abuse this power and take advantage of kids. And we don't want that to happen; EVER.

But putting a hard and fast rule of "don't ever look at someone of the opposite sex past age 5" (etc) is just ridiculous. You're teaching your child to be embarassed about the human body. You're teaching your child to not be honest!!

What happens if your child IS molested!! They'll feel uncomfortable talking to you because they'll feel that it was THEIR fault they saw a naked man- they knew that wasn't allowed so now the molestation is their fault.

Maybe showering with your daughter is a bit over the top for families in this country/culture. But at the same time, you can't all of a sudden make this young girl uncomfortable with what she has percieved as 'normal' for so long. If she walks in on dad while he's shaving (nude maybe?) and he runs screaming, she's going to be very confused and scared and guilty/ashamed.

Since you are obviously uncomfortable with the idea, then yes, for your family's sake you need to make a change. But just b/c he's showering with her doesn't automatically mean he's molesting her. I can't say for sure based on the information provided.

Maybe you can make this a rite-of-passage for your daughter instead of making it about daddy's nudity. Don't make the nudity a big deal!!!!!!! Instead let her know she's old enough to shower alone!! Keep the door open, pop your head in to check on her every few minutes, sit outside the bathroom, etc, but she's a big girl and can take her own showers!! This way there was never a 'big deal' about what others might see as 'wierd' but what was to her '100% normal!' She won't feel ashamed or guilty or dirty. Now she'll feel like a big girl for being able to take a shower all by herself!!

Help your daughter be a 'big girl' by showering by herself- that will alleviate your concerns. But please treat the situation delicately. She's already got enough things to overcome in society with her hearing impairment, that she doesn't need to have issues and be hyper-concious about her own sexuality, too.


Your husband's intentions Could certainly be 100% pure! They could also not be-- you need to gauge his motives on MORE than just this one thing to get the most objective answer.



PS: By 5, she should be either in speech therapy or fully ASL oriented. I hope you're taking steps to get her (and yourselves) into ASL courses. She needs to be able to communicate just like any other 5 year old.

Answer 9

I think that he should still give her a bathe, but not be in the shower with her. By age five, even though she has the hearing impairment, she is not blind. It also is a bit odd as well. I believe that about age 3 is the time when co-showering should stop. I understand her attachment, but she should still feel secure with him there, as long as maybe he sits outside the shower, or just sits next to her. Clothed that is.

Answer 10

It is definitely time for the father to stop showering with his daughter.She needs to be independent and learn to take care of certain basic needs herself i.e bathing,dressing,brushing her hair,brushing her teeth etc.He is setting a bad example for her even though he is her father showering with a grown man is not something she should think is OK.I know he probably doesn't think anything of it but it just seems weird especially since she can't hear or talk.He better be careful because if the wrong people get wind of this they may think he is molesting his daughter and because it is hard for the little girl to communicate it would be hard to prove otherwise.And that would be really bad not only for him but for you and your daughter as well.So if you want to, tell him how you feel and what you think could happen to all of you if he continues showering with his little girl.Try giving her a bubble bath instead with some rubber duckie toys.Kids love bubble baths.

Answer 11

I can't believe you're even asking this...Common sense, people!
Get some.

Tell your hubby it's not okay. They can find plenty of other ways to spend time together. I'd seriously be worried if any male were taking my daughter in the shower with him. At any age.