How do you know if parenthood is for you?

Question

Becoming a mother sounds good in theory, but as a planner and a perfectionist, there seems to be so much to do before I can consider bringing a life into this world. I am a professional, happily married woman who can't decide whether or not to become a parent, and feel bad for not knowing by now. How does one know if parenthood is for them? Any advice to help me decide or to help me prepare?

Answer 1

You will never be prepared and never know enough. I think this why there is absolute randomness in becoming pregnant :-)

Seriously, how much do you enjoy your free time? Does your husband want children? It is a joint decision you know...but you will be the one living with the consequences if he leaves you.

Biggest problem with parenthood is that you dont know if you are good at it until you have kids, then it is too late if you suck.

BTW, do not judge your parenting abilities by your inability to deal with other people's children...I can't stand other people's kids but love my two

Answer 2

If you're questioning whether or not you should have kids, it's likely that you shouldn't. I too am a happily married woman with no kids. I once wondered if I should bring a child into this world simply because it was the thing it seemed like you were supposed to do, but now I'm glad I never did. My home, my hobbies, my freedom, and my paycheck is my own. There are many childfree singles out there that are leading very rewarding lives. I'm not sure if you've ever heard of the childfree webring, but it is made by those who are childfree by choice. I was comforted to know that I wasn't alone in my choice. I too am a perfectionist, and there's nothing perfect about diaper changing, drooling, spitting up, sticky fingerprints on everything, toys thrown about, fits, stains, smears, and broken valuables. I honestly can't think of an intelligent reason someone would want to have kids!

Answer 3

This is an excellent question. When it comes down to it, the desire to be a mother has to come from your heart. Parenthood is all about sacrificing and putting your child ahead of all people in your life except your husband. It is a real challenge and an awesome responsibility to raise a healthy child.

I know many moms like you who are planners and perfectionists. Some embrace motherhood and some seem very stressed by it. A mom that I know is an attorney and she gave birth to a child with multiple medical problems. She has been unable to find a daycare or babysitter and had to quit her job to care for her daughter. She is depressed and miserable and resents the baby and the impact it has had on her life. Another mom I know is a dermatologist. She stopped working 4 years ago and has 3 kids under the age of 4. She loves her life as a mom and is very happy.

Only you can make the right decision for yourself.

Answer 4

A lot of people don't know the answer to that. There are a lot of check lists that you have to go through in order to have the best possible pregnancy and family life. Such as: You have to be old enough to be a parent, you have to have a stable job with a stable income, you have to have a partner whom you plan to spend the rest of your life with and who want to have a baby as much as you do, you have already resolved any physical and mental complications, etc. It looks like you got most of them checked. You need to consider what your life will be like once you have a baby. Most likely you currently don't have a problem with staying at work late and traveling for business out of town for days at a time, etc. But once you have a baby your priorities will change. Have you discussed this subject with your husband? If you haven't then I think you should do that soon. Have an open mind when you are having the discussion. Both partners have to be on the same page. How long have you been married? Does he want to have a baby? Also, you need to consider age. The older you get the harder it is to get pregnant. But never let other people make you do something that you don't want to. If you decide to get pregnant you will need to see your doctor for a complete check-up. Your doctor will recommend you the best things to do to prepare your body for pregnancy. Being a parent can be the best thing to some people but it is not for everybody. You can check out some good information at www.webmd.com
Good luck.

Answer 5

You'll never know until that baby is place into your arms. Becoming a parent is something that you can not imagine or know what it is like until you have done it. No one knows what kind of parent anyone will be until they are one. I've known people who you think would never make good parents, but they have and people who look like naturals, but have problems.

My wife was never the 'maternal' kind of person. She never held babies, never intrested in children and found it difficult to interact with them. But the once her own baby was placed in her arms, she was a natural. She also said she would never be a stay at home mum, living off my wage. She was always against it.

We now have 5 children and what do you think she currently is doing? She's a stay at home mum.

Unless you have serious issues in your life, such as drug dependancy, relationship problems, then it is just a matter of 'jumping of the deep end' so to speek. The fact you are already concerned about a future child, shows you are at least not bringing a child into this world for selfish reasons.

And as for looking after other children, don't waste your time. Being a parent is nothing like looking after someone elses child. You get to know and bond with your child before it is even born in a way that no one else could. My wife is always telling me what our unborn children are like, and they are exactly the same after they are born.

Answer 6

If you cant decide than don't do it.Children are a blessing.You must give up everything for that baby.Total devotion24/7. I take care of my of my 6 month old grandson.It is alot of work and I love him dearly.But there are times that I need a break.I am lucky that I don't have to work.But the truth is if I did have to, I wouldn't bring a kid into this world.You need to bond with that baby.IF you have the time.If you don't then a sitter will raise that baby and you miss out on the first step etc.You are not ready to have a baby yet.Your instincts will let you know.Sounds like your a very intelligent lady.Follow your gut.God is speaking to you.But what ever you decide remember to do it ALL for the love of your child

Answer 7

No one knows if parenthood is for them. I can tell you that perfectionism and planning does not go hand in hand with parenting. Being a parent changes you in so many ways. Your whole outlook on life changes. But there is no ay for you to know this until you become a parent yourself. I didn't think I would ever be a parent myself, and now thanks to God I am blessed with two beautiful children who mean the world to me. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 8

My friend and I were sitting on the couch when she asked me when I want to have children. I answered: "I think I'm not ready yet". She replied: "Nobody's ever ready for it."
I asked many women (and men) that have kids and all told me they weren't ready when they thought about it - but once they had the baby, they didn't had to think about it twice. Same with me: After my friend told me that, I thought - what am I waiting for?
And I got pregnant and now it's the best thing that ever happend to me - having a baby!!
You might regret it if you wait too long.
I'd say, just babysit some of your friends babies; but not the older ones, you have to start little and it will grow on you, otherwise the 6 year old will drive you nuts!!!

Answer 9

You may not be ready to make a decision about kids yet. I would say try to spend some time with mothers you already know. Having a child is alot of work but it's a decision you never regret.

Answer 10

i felt the same why you felt about the planning thing, but living with my boyfriend has taught me to live in the moment- thats not to say one doesnt have to plan, but dont let the planning delay your decision. ask yourself what you want and if you can provide the basics for what the baby needs then the rest will come together. just think about when that baby is yours and you have so much love it. focus on what 's important- trust your instinct. hope this helps- i just decided to go for it this week- so well see what happens. best of luck to you!