Engaged - Is it the right time?

Question

First, the details. Me and my boyfriend clicked the moment we met. We were both taken at the time but we always recognized that there was something about us that seemed more than just teen puppy love. We finally started going out right before he moved to the other side of the states. But it hasn't changed out relationship. We're still firmly in love. It isn't sexual or based on appearances. We're both similar in nearly every way and we both think differently from other teenagers. We have deep spiritual conversations, intellectual talks, it's more than just a "I love you" "I love you too thing".

Lately he's talked about coming back to California and he's serious about possibly proposing. I'm thrilled at the idea but at the same time worried. I'm 16 and he's 18. We both want to attend college and we've already determined we're destined for marriage and can wait until we feel ready for kids. I'm just curious as to how others would react to this.

To clarify, he only wants to propose. We can wait until we're thirty for marriage but we both agree: we can't wait to get engage. Maybe some part of us wants to prove that we're dedicated. Kids can wait too. We've determined we'll wait for kids but then we want a lot of them (er, I want a lot of them anyway. XD He says 10 is a little much)

The 10 kids thing is just me, and I'm not really quite so serious. I know I want at least two. And of course I recognize we should both have set careers. He wants to be a web designer and I want to be a forensic psychologist.

I'm taking about engagement not marriage. =3

Answer 1

Girl, you have to go with your gut on this one. A stranger on the internet cannot tell you if you are making the right choice or not. You need to listen to your own thoughts and feelings, and seek out advice from your best friends and closest family members.

I definitely will say that you are quite young. I am 22 years old and I constantly--I mean constantly--get told that I am too young to be engaged! I always have to defend myself and my decision to others, although the people who know me best are supportive and very confident I have made the right decision.

My advice would be to at least find a couple people who really support your decision so that you can lean on them when people speculate and express shock because that will happen.

I don't think there's one right age. In fact, I abhor the trend in America where people are waiting until their 30s to get married (and missing out on their most fertile years too). I always knew I wanted to get married early-ish and have kids while I'm still in my 20s.

Listen to yourself and trust yourself. That's the bottom line. Good luck with your decision!!

Answer 2

No, don't get engaged now. There is absolutely no need; you are way too young. Finish your high school, do your post-secondary education, live on your own for a while independently, and you will mature. There is a world of difference between a 16 year old girl, a 20 year old, then a big leap to 25. The time gives a woman a chance to learn and grow, to see who she is in the world, to bring her best self to a marriage and family.
Engagement isn't about just getting a ring, or the thought of getting married "someday". A proper engagement has a ring and a DATE, the promise is necessary to show serious intentions to actually marry within a particular time. Usually people are engaged a year or so.

Answer 3

My fiance and I have been together for nearly 5 years and we don't plan on getting married for another 3 years because we want to both finish college. I think that getting engaged is great and it is in NO WAY a pressure to get married anytime soon. An engagement may even strengthen your relationship because it's nearly certain that you will be married. You guys are young. Relish in your love and heck, even get engaged, but let everyone know that you aren't getting married anytime soon. Finishing school is SO important these days. Plus, going to college will change your life in so many ways. You will most definitely not come out as the same person. There is no need to rush anything.

Good luck!!!

Answer 4

well, you can't get married until your 18 without parental permission. so it doesn't hurt you to wait things out for a while, i've noticed through friends, that being married in college is really tough. Most of the time the parents cut them off so that they're truly on their own, as well its completely different socially and most of them have had pregnancy scares for various reasons (ie married, so no longer use condoms).

But its great that you have a really strong relationship and are willing to wait, this way if you grow apart or grow differently there's still the freedom to take a break if you need too.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I know what's your feeling now, really fall in love in a man. Surely it's beautiful thing.

But think about it, in our age ( i'm 18 ) , we still have so many experience. I'm in love too, for a 26 old man, we're committed since a year ago. He's ready to married.
There's many time i thought about engagement. But i realize that we're still young, don't know what happen next. Is there someone else in the future. Or maybe problems that you can't solve.
Don't just ignore it....

Think about this slowly, and review your relationship time to time.
When you feel ready, grab on it.

Answer 6

Listen to 51st Anniversary by Jimi Hendrix.

"For fifty years they've been married
They can't wait for their fifty first
To roll around, yeah, roll around.
For thirty years they've been married
And now they're old and happy
And they settle down, ha ha
Settle down, yeah.
For twenty years they've been married
And they did everything that could be done
You know, they have their fun.

And then you come along and talk about it:
"So you, you say you wanna be married,
I'm gonna change your mind.
Oh, gotta change it."
That was the good side baby
Here comes the best side.
For ten years they've been married
A thousand kids went around homeless
'Cause theirmMom was a louse
Daddy's down at the wiskey house.
That ain't all,
For three years they've been married
They don't get along so good,
They're tired of each other.
You know how that goes,
She got another lover.
Hah, same old thing.
So now you're seventeen
You run around hangin' out
And having your fun
Life for you has just begun baby.

And then you come sayin':
"So you, you say you wanna be married.
Oh, baby, tryin' to put me on a chain
Ain't that some shame?
You must be losin' your weak little mind.
I ain't ready to get married,
I ain't ready.
I'm gonna change your mind.
Ooh, look out baby.
Ah, I ain't ready to get tied down
I ain't ready, I ain't ready now
Let me live a little while longer
Let me live, let me live a little while longer
So I can finish talking,
Let me get back to my groove . . ."

Answer 7

From my experience, and watching others - I'll tell you people who wait til their 20 last longer than those who commit earlier in life.

Commit to being together - do the college experience - mature a little. If it is to be - you will have a wonderful beginning to the rest of your lives. If is isn't, then you have saved yourself the legal and financial nightmare that is divorce.

You have time, darlin - you're young. Enjoy being young. Marriage is tremendous work and responsibility. There's more than enough time for work and responsibility later...

Peace and good luck!

Answer 8

All I can tell you is to wait because you still have lots to learn especially in school and by the way your mind can change it takes a long time to really know each other Ive known my guy for a long long time and I still dont get him but Im pretty sure your parents wont like you getting married so soon good luck

Answer 9

My wife and I got married when she was 20 and I was 19. We are still together (39 and 38.)

That said, we both think it would have been smarter for us to wait until we both were out of college, but we didn't and it took her much longer than normal to graduate, but she did (I was in the military and never did make it to college.)

The best thing we did, getting married so young, was to wait to have children...children introduce a ton of stress into any relationship and I am glad that we chose to wait (she was 28 before we had our daughter)

Answer 10

mayybe you guys are too young, but if you are planning to have like 10 kids, you probably want to have the financial support to support them and the maturaty. For example, some kids have kids and dont give them the complete attention other parents give. This will cause them to drugs, or failure in school. YOu have to be ready i suggest u wait, finish college and mature