Parental Rights?

Question

Hi. Ive got an issue with me, my daughter and her biological father. He sez he wants a lawyer to talk to me about his parental rights. See, he paid child support for years now and hasnt paid for months. He and I broke up when i was pregnant at 15 (i am now 23) and he only seen her maybe 3 times her entire life. Shes 8 1/2 now. He hasnt seen her since she was about 1 1/2 years old. She has not a clue who he is or that her stepfather now isnt her real father. He doesnt know her biological father and doesnt know hes out there. So what "parental rights" does he have? He cant just say he wants to see her when hes nothing but some stranger to her and sees my husband as her father. My husbands been in her life and raised her when she was 18 months. He cant just barge in her life and say hey im your real dad right? All im asking is what parental rights does he have? He hasnt seen her in 7 years. Never acknowledged her. Thanks!

theres no way im telling my daughter that the man who raised her since she way 18 months isnt her real dad at such a young age are you crazy

we had NO agreement, just that hed pay childsupport and thats it.

Answer 1

If he’s stopped paying child support, there’s a good chance he might want to talk to you about terminating his parental rights and allowing your husband to adopt the child.

If he does want visitation….if he’s the legal father and he’s been providing support, chances are VERY HIGH that he will get visitation of some type, so get prepared for that very real possibility. As a father he has the right to have a relationship with his child. Now, he’s probably not going to just waltz right in and get every other weekend. The judge will likely order short visits initially as a ‘getting-to-know-you’ type of thing, but eventually he’ll get full visitation.

Now, I say that assuming that
[1] you live in the U.S., and if you don’t then things might be different in your country
[2] that he is 'fit' (and it takes A LOT to prove a parent unfit)
[3] that he is the legal father—and you didn’t state that he was, because it sounds like the child support was just an agreement between the two of you and was not court ordered (and in that case, frankly, it’s going to look very good on his part that he’s been voluntarily paying it, because he wasn’t legally required to). But if he hasn’t been determined the legal father, then that will have to happen first (either through a formal voluntarily acknowledgement of paternity or a dna test).

I understand that you’re upset about this, but as her father, he does have rights. And as far as her not knowing that step-dad isn’t her biological dad---YOU were the one who choose to allow her to believe that. It was your choice, not bio-dad’s. And you may HAVE to tell her the truth.

Good luck.

EDITED TO ADD:
Since someone mentioned terminating his rights on the basis of no contact....there's a BIG difference in your case, and the difference is that he's been providing support, which is more or less a form of 'contact'

If it were me personally, I'd met with him and his attorney (just to see what it is he does want) but I'd take my own attorney with me when I went.

Answer 2

I'm not an expert in this area by far but I do know that my older sister had a similar situation to yours. The only difference is that her son's father never paid a dime in child support. His father had nothing to do with him after he turned one and recently my sister petitioned to have his rights signed away. She had to place an ad (or the court did?) so that he would have a chance at knowing what was going on and when he didn't respond the judge awarded my sister what she asked for... His rights to be taken away. It was explained to her that if a parent has no contact within a 7 year time frame that it is easy to get their rights taken away. That's what she told me anyway. Maybe that could work for you. I wish you nothing but the best of luck! Your exboyfriend is a selfish monster if he pursues confusing your innocent daughter. She may be connected to him biologically but by no means is he her daddy. She has one of those and I pray for all of you. Good luck and God bless!

I disagree with the first answer. It may be "politically correct" but it really does more damage than good in some situations. You know your daughter and you know what is best for her. Don't let others bully you into thinking that YOU are the one who is wrong here. He could've done the right thing all along. It's a selfish, evil person to try to start something up now. Stand your ground. I'll be praying for you!

Answer 3

Laws differ from state so its possible that you can with hold his rite to see her. However if he takes you to court for visitations and the judge oks it, you have no choice but to go along with it. You can however bring it up to the judge how he has been absent for so many years, and the judge may take this into concideration and deny him and or terminate his rites.
Not to sound harsh, but as long as he is paying child suport he still has parental rights. Only the courts can take that rite away. Since your husband has played the father role for so long you can opt for him to adopt your daughter. But again, the birth father has to have his rites terminated. If you can prove that the father has been absent on his own accord, not because you have denyed him, it shouldn't be too hard to do.
The longer you wait to tell your daughter that her stepfather is not her real dad the harder its going to be for her to handle it. There is not such a thing as "too young to know about the real dad" And if your ex is talking to a lawyer the truth is going to be comming out soon and who would you rather tell your daughter, a stranger or yourself?
You can tell her that a father is some one that cares for you, who is there for you and who loves you. Every thing that her stepfather is doing.
I realy do wish the best to you and your family. Just try to think about how she will feel if she finds out in another year or five that the man she knows as dad is not her ture dad. She could hold grave remorse towards you. I don't think any parent wants that.

Answer 4

I don't know what state you're living in, because I believe the laws somewhat from state to state. But where I'm from, he couldn't just barge in, there is a process.

In my state, it's called "motion to establish or change parenting time". If he were to fill out somethign similar, what happens is he would fill out these papers, and it requests a hearing in front of a referee, or judge. You would get a copy also. At this is hearing is when you would tell the judge why he should or shouldn't establish time at all.

The thing is, him being gone might not be enough to deny him time with his child. I don't think you could say "he's been gone 8 years so he has no rights". They'd sooner look to see if he's had a troubled past, crime record. A genuine reason to deny him from is child.

So, if he were to do everything through the proper channels, you might have a problem. He still does have rights, he just has to go through all the paperwork to enforce him.

Good luck.

Answer 5

If he has been paying support then he is not just "some stranger". He DID acknowledge her by paying you to help support her. If he was just supposed to be a sperm donor then you should never have taken any money from him. You don't get to have it both ways.

At this point, all you can do is own up to the fact that there was someone before her step-dad. Let her know that he has been helping out all this time.

It might not be easy, but it's way better than having her find out when they drag you into court.

Answer 6

It depends on the state that you live in. Have you researched the laws in your state? Have you contacted an attorney? They would be able to give you the best possible answers. I would think the courts would take into account their (child/and bio.dad)- if he hasn't taken an active role (etc). Some judges in some states will allow the child to discuss what she would like- also they appoint a guardian ad litem ( and attorney for the child)/ he or she would be there solely for the best interest of the child.
I would discuss all of this with an attorney- to see what legal rights he has. Other questions that could be raised would be: did you and the biological dad have a parenting agreement? joint custody? legal custody? sole custody?
Hope this helps!

Answer 7

Well, before or if you do anything, you need to let your daughter know that your husband isn't her biological father. If her biological father wants to see her, you should let him. One day she's going to want to meet him, and if you don't let her even know, she will be really mad at you. The longer you wait, the worse it will be.

Answer 8

u should get a lawyer