I'm just not sure if the actions I'm seeing towards my daughter from her boyfriend is normal or if they are a bad sign. Help!
2007-03-15 16:07:42 · 7 answers · asked by Elle 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm not sure exactly which "actions" you are referencing, but if your daughter is dealing with an abusive boyfriend, she is probably not acting the way she usually does. Does your daughter not take your advice regarding serious matters in favor of her boyfriend's opinion? Is she often upset or in a bad mood when she comes home after meeting with her boyfriend, but refuses to talk about it? Does she seem to lack the same self-confidence she once had--ie. does she believe that it is acceptable if he curses or degrades her in any way, even if it is in a so-called "playful" manner? All of these patterns indicate that this guy has too much control over your daughter.
If you don't have enough information on the relationship, then see if you could talk to one of her close friends. If you're not getting anywhere, you should try to talk to her yourself because while insight from one of her friends could be helpful, young people today often seem to dismiss abusive behavior as something that is "normal." But if you're having doubts that your daughter isn't being treated properly, then you're probably right. Make sure she gets the respect she deserves.
2007-03-15 16:37:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Coming from a teenager that was in a very abusive relationship I just want to say that asking her about it probably isn't going to give you the answers you need. If he is at all controlling, jealous, calls every second, freaks when he doens't know where she's at, and if she doesn't have any other guy friends , these are all big signs of an abusive relationship. Not just physical but emotional and mental. If he yells a lot and if she cries a lot you need to worry. She may say she loves him, but just try to talk to her without her getting upset. My mom could never talk to me. I was beaten yelled at, he controlled my every move. I hung my head when I passed another guy and I lost all my girlfriends. I had to learn for myself because I was too stubborn to listen to my mom. I wish you the best of luck and you are right to worry!
2007-03-15 16:23:06 · answer #2 · answered by Kayla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although you won't hear this from the Oprah crowd - female attraction and "chemistry" with abusive males is very very common and some would argue biologically based - so there is not necessarily much you can do about it anyways
Chemistry is hardly volitional and a female cannot simply will herself into being interested in a romantic way with men that respect females
Controlling behavior would be the first sign -but that is hardly physical abuse
2007-03-15 16:20:43 · answer #3 · answered by JET99 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are already concerned, then FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS!! You need to talk to your daughter about how her boyfriend treats her.Tell your daughter your concerns and possibly, ask her school to help separate them. Her friends too, can help you determine how far the abuse has gone. I am not suggesting you snoop, you need your daughter to trust you or she'll trust him instead. Be open with her and ask her to ask her friends about what they think of his treatment of her.
I've included some sites on the stages and signs of abuse to help you. Most importantly, you need to act now, as the abuse could be in the first stages: emotional/verbal, but could quickly move to physical and sexual.
2007-03-15 16:12:29 · answer #4 · answered by meraphetamine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look for controlling behaviors.
Has she cut everyone but him out of her life? Does he dislike all of her friends and doesn't want her to be around them? Does he come to family activities? Abusers want to isolate their victims.
I'm sure there are a lot more signs, these are the ones I know.
2007-03-15 16:15:17 · answer #5 · answered by Marina D 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he demean her in front of you? Is she totally submissive to him? Is she "out of character" for the person you know her to be otherwise? Are her grades slipping? Is she more nervous than usual? More jumpy? How about when he calls her on the phone?
You could discuss this with a school counselor who may already know this guys "mode of operandi" and you could very well be saving your daughter..... Act now!
2007-03-15 16:12:40 · answer #6 · answered by Patricia D 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first, you didn't mention the signs. second, if it doesn't feel righjt it probably isn't. if he isn't treating her how she deserves and it is more than just dumb teenage boy ignorance, i'd say don't let it go.
2007-03-15 16:13:46 · answer #7 · answered by imperfectly 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋