A serious, non-racist question about Black men?

Question

First of all, let me start off by saying that I am a 26 year old Black woman, that loves Black men. But, I do have a question. Why do y'all lie and cheat? I mean, what makes y'all stray and lie, when you don't have to. I am nowhere near perfect but I am a good person, I am no pushover, I work, I am independent but also not afraid to let a man be a man. And, please, don't give me that LAME excuse about having to have game or whatever. I want mature Black men to answer this one. Whether its something that you used to do or still do or whatever. I just want honesty. Why are y'all afraid to commit? Talk to me, Man to Woman.

Look, the reason why I am asking about Black men is because that's my preference and my experience. I am not racist but, Black men are usually what I am attracted to, so naturally that's whom I date. And, please don't tell me I should date other races, stick to the topic.

Ok, I love the whole "we are the world" stance and all that, and I am fully aware that men and women, as well as, other races cheat but I am asking about Black MEN! DAMN!

AND, I don't think that ALL Black men cheat. AND, I don't go to clubs. For example, the last guy I was with is my mother's best friend's son and he screwed me over then tried to say that he only dated me because of my mom.

Answer 1

I would think a black man would cheat for the same reason a white man or an asian man or a hispanic man, etc., cheats: He doesn't love you, and he's not man enough to tell you he's not into being with you exclusively.

When you find a REAL man, no matter the race, who loves you, you won't get cheated on anymore.

Answer 2

Well I'll start by saying that not all black men are that way. For one I'm not one and that's what I don't take offense to what you said. There are men that cheat but let me let you in on something, it's not just black men. Besides the men that do cheat are not real men. My thinking is whey would a man spend so much energy into trying to get to know a woman only to turn around and cheat on her? I don't have an answer for you on that because I'm not a man that cheats.

But I will say this a man will only do what a woman allows him to get away with. Not blaming women for men cheating or anything but from what I've observed the problems stem far beyond cheating. If a woman allows a man to disrespect her in other ways then of course he's gonna continue disrespecting her in any way that he chooses because he knows that there will be no repercussions. On top of that when some men do cheat what to some women do? Take his sorry butt right back. Now again it's not her fault but to continuously put yourself in a situation where the women know that the man is no good then who's to blame.

I just don't get why MEN AND WOMEN cheat. But I do know that if both sex's would communicate more then things would be different. If a man or woman has feelings about a situation and don;t communicate with their partner then who can you expect that partner to change? I say that both men and women need to be real with one another and let each other know upfront what each of then expect in the relationship before "falling in love" or "giving it up" too soon. There is no communication these days which in turn leads to higher divorce rates in this country.

Until both MEN AND WOMEN step up to the plate and get their acts together then I don;t see any change happening any time soon in relationships. I hope that this was in some way shined a little light on a big problem.

Answer 3

OK, you don't really want to hear from me, but I do have the answer. That said, I can feel your pain and anger between the lines you are writing.

Its not a black thing, a male thing or a black male thing. Its a sin thing. Everyone doesn't lie and cheat like two people said. I have never cheated on my husband and won't start now. Ever stop and think, cheating breeds lying?

There are good, wonderful people out there in any group, race or of either sex. There are the slime bucket sleaze balls in every group.

Where are you meeting men? In a bar, club or such? I know not everyone in such a place is a player, but the odds increase drastically when you walk in the door of one of those places.

I'm not going to suggest church, however better that may be for your own benefit, because some of these people have figured out that if they go to church they'll meet someone who is decent and take advantage of them.

I was single for many, many years and the victim more than once. I could tell some stories. But, I did find the most wonderful man and we've been married now over four years.

Keep yourself special and pure (Don't laugh, I'm very serious. The old ways work!!!) and don't be in a hurry.

Answer 4

Maybe you should broaden your horizons start dating white guy's. A majority of black guy's I know consider themselves players that's why more black women are dating white men.
Then there's the black men who like the old school were the women work and they hang out at the crib with the brothers
there real cool aren't they. Black women's roles have changed over the years there professionals while black men seem to be in the same place. Might be time to move up girlfriend.....

Answer 5

First of all let me start off by saying that I am a 38year old black man that loves my nubian queens. Your question should have been more broad in the aspect that "why do men cheat" . It is not just black men. I say this so that noone gets the wrong idea thinking all/only black men are dogs. No one is perfect in no means but I think it is society that has stereo-typed all aspects of men/women relationships. Most men are just too proud, insecure, or just plain immature to deal with these type cast. For instance if a man is sensitive to a woman or shows any kind of general taste , he is thought to be gay or one of these "undercover brothas". It has nothing to do with having "game" it has to do with society making them want to play the game. Double standards apply ....stud if more than one woman...whore if more than one man. Speaking from a black male point of view, for some reason we have lost what was instilled within black men for too many generations...that is the love and respect that we should have for our black women. Far too many times we forget how we as black men had to stand around and watch as our women were beaten and raped just to put "1 ounce of pure white blood in them". They were used only for breeding. The black man was stripped of his dignity in every way. But, through all of this the woman remained strong. But we as men whether it be through the help of stereo-types of society or through peer pressure have lost sight of the meaning L-O-V-E and what it means to be "proud" . These same women that we are unfaithful to are the same women that have been the rock and our salvation in the harshes of times. Whether it be because of our inate ability to walk away, our immaturity , or our ignorance, too many times we are blind to the fact that "the grass is not greener" on the other side. Maybe some are trying to prove their self worth, maybe some did not receive the love that they thought that they should have gotten when they were younger. Whatever the case may be I am sorry that you have(obviously) been put through some pain, but take comfort in knowing that there are loving black men out there that have come to terms with the sensitive side and are not too proud and/or embarrassed to show it . Also keep in mind that no matter what you are a strong Black Queen...who has stood the test of times and no doubt will continue being the rock...the foundation that the black mans very exist depends on. Keep your head up....your King still awaits you.

Answer 6

You're asking for an individual response to a generalised question. Not everyone in a social group is the same, but people often feel the need to act like others. True for black men, black women, latino kangaroos, etc. The lame excuse you suggested is probably right, but fortunately not everyone believes it.

Answer 7

I'm not black. I'm hispanic. Everyone on earth has been influenced to believe and behave a certain way. There are certain things in life that influence us greatly, and we're probably not even aware of it. I hope I don't get in trouble for saying this. But I have heard the music that my black friends listen to. Maam, with all due respect, it's filthy. I'm sure not all black people listen to this type of stuff, but wouldn't you agree that much of the rap and rap music videos have greatly influenced the average black male's behavior? I'm in the U.S. Army and I have black friends, male and female. That's why I'm aware of the music.

Answer 8

even though you asked for black men to answer you, I don't think this is a question of being black but more a question of bad character. And that exists among all people, men and women, of all colors.

i think a fear of commitment is especially striking in this day in age among dating age men and women in mostly any Westernized country, where you don't need to get married to live with somebody/have a relationship with them.

Cheer up, there are a lot of people with good characters. It may be hard to find, but they're there. =]

Answer 9

Im 29, Black female and I was just like you. Try not to limit yourself...date outside your race too. There are many Black women who never thought of it or even considered it, but try it. Keep your options open. Black men do it, so why not Black women?? I got tired of waiting around for that "good black man." My fiance is Mexican. I dont care about race, never have. I just dated "men." Period. I didn't care about their race. Just keep your options open and date freely.

Answer 10

Really?! All black men do that? Man, that's terrible! They're so bad, then. I thought that they were decent people, but what you said changed my mind. I will have no respect for the black men from now on. They are cheaters, afraid of commitment, liars... They're bad, bad, bad!

Seriously, do you really want me to believe that all black men are the way you described them? I don't think so.