What do i do about my unhappy mother?

Question

Okay i am 23, married (for 3 years this may) and have two beautiful children with my husband at the ages of 3 1/2 & 2 (as of last thurs). My issue is my mother. Whenever i tell her i am pregnant she acts like it is a tragedy! I can understand with my son because i was 18 and not married.. but i was married with my daughter and she always tells me what good children they are and how well i have done raising them.. I recently had a miscarriage... and i got all that "everything happens for a reason" & "god does what's best" stuff from my famliy but my mom said "you better get some form of birth control so it doesn't happen again". Now i love my mom and we are very close but total opposites. My husband and i want a third child (no more after that) but i am scared to death of having to tell my mother if i am pregnant again (which i may be)! My kids are sooo close to her & my father & i know they love both of them dearly but i just can't understand why she would act this way! Plz help!

I am still in college taking classes two days a week and am a stay-at-home mom... so am i really doing something wrong?

Actually my mom and dad have been married for 36 years this august and she wasn't able to have children.. my brother and i are adopted

see that's what i don't get.. she has adjusted and says all the time to her friends "you should have told me what love for a grandchild felt like and what i was missing out on".... she has to see my kids every day or atleast talk to them... she is 54 and i don't know.. what the heck?

Let me tell you if someone has expressed their feelings it's me.. i tell her all the time that i don't understand it but she always turns it around saying... that i am so miserable i just want someone else to blame for my misery... but that's just it.. I'M NOT MISERABLE!

Answer 1

She probably doesn't mean to come across like that. She probably don't realize how what she is saying is making you feel. If she continues to be insensitive to your feelings your hopes your dreams and desires, then maybe you should ask her why she is in fact being so negative or unfeeling to the things that are important to you in your life? And tell her that some of the things she says and the way she says them does in fact hurt you,and you want to continue to confide in her with things but she is making you feel like that is going to be impossible if she can't be more loving and considerate about the things that mean the most to you. If you don't in fact express the way she is making you feel to her then she may never know that anything she said has caused you this grief. Also remind her of the fact that she says what a good job you are doing raising the others,then ask her why it would be such a bad deal to have a third (planned) child? Tell her that your plans are in fact to have a third and last child and you do not wish to take birth control. Express yourself. You don't have to be hateful but at the same time maybe she thought the baby you mis-carried was an accident-and maybe she didn't know that a third were in your plans? Either way i hope you are blessed with a third beautiful and healthy child! And congrats on being a good Mother to the Angels you already have. Hope all works out for you.

Answer 2

Your mother is probably worried about you having these children so young. Maybe you should wait until your kids are a little older before you have the third child. However, if you're pregnant now, then you should tell your mother. She just wants the best for you. That's all...

Answer 3

You are no longer a child, but a mom yourself.
Don't behave like a child around your mother. This is your private life, and you must "own" it. Good or bad, you are making your life-decisions, and you shouldn't second-guess them. Life is hard enough. And, actually health-wise, it's ideal to have children between the ages of 20-30 anyway.
One way to "take back" your power in certain family matters is not to ever ask others their opinions. If you ask their opinions, you are giving them power over you.
Even a simple matter like what to name a baby can become a family battle, if everyone thinks they have a say in it----don't hand over that power to others!---tell your Mom it's happening, and that's it.

Answer 4

In my opinion is sounds like it could be one of a couple of things... Is it possible that she just cannot adjust to being a grandmother (that whole I'm too young to be a grandma...) or maybe she is harboring some resentment that you are able to have children where she could not.

Obviously I don't know your mom and would never disrespect anyone's mom, but it sounds like it is her inability to deal with your pregnancies that is the problem.

Answer 5

Yep, you particular can stay in mattress all weekend. I spent 10+ years attempting to conceive. Went the IVF route and each thing. I favor i ought to allow you to be conscious of to easily relax and it is going to ensue, even if the very actuality of the count number is, it ought to no longer. you are able to verify to undertake, and also you gained't. i don't be conscious of what's nice for you--it truly is for sure something that you should verify for your self. My husband and that i have now been married for more advantageous than 15 years, and are fairly a lot comfy about being childless. Adoption wasn't our answer, yet we had to come back to that selection after fairly some time spent in contemplation and prayer. mom's Day remains hard for me, even if--I honor my mom, stepmother, and mom-in-regulation on that day, yet I stay living house from church. and that i nonetheless do not flow to infant showers, because it nonetheless brings me down and that i eventually end up getting depressed. yet i appreciate being round little ones, and that i'm open with my associates and kin about my emotions, and they be conscious of that I have a good time with them even as the hot little ones come alongside. So yeah, you've blanket permission to spend each mom's Day weekend in mattress, in case you want to. do in simple terms not enable your self to throw your self a pity social gathering something of the time, because you be conscious of, sweetheart, that life has to flow on, in spite of in case you do not have little ones. And life should be strong--and it really is going to be strong, no count number what.

Answer 6

It sounds to me like she is just worried because you are young. If this really bothers you I think you need to talk to her about it. Let her know how you feel. She may not realize what she is saying is effecting you this way.

Answer 7

SOUNDS AS IF SHE HAD FAILED MARRIAGE (S) AND WENT THRU UNHAPPY CHILD REARING.

DON'T LET THAT INTERFERE WITH YOU. CONTINUE ON DOWN THE ROAD WITH YOUR LIFE AND DON'T GET SIDETRACKED INTO HER MISERY.

AND DON'T TRY TO CURE HERS...........