My father's father is too touchy-feely for me and I've finally managed to express my anxiety over this issue with my parents. I don't want to dance with him at my wedding next year, but my parents are threatening to not come if I can't let this go. Should I give in to them and just live with the anxiety, or should I stand my ground and try to keep the day a calm and peaceful day for myself?
2007-03-15 12:14:14 · 13 answers · asked by nevyik 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I can tell you from experience that your "gut" often is very accurate. I would even venture a guess here that you have had this problem with him throughout your life and it was never dealt with.
You DO NOT need to dance with your grandfather... your parents may threaten not to come... but it is highly unlikely that they would actually miss the event. If you dont bring the subject up to them again they need not know of your plan to avoid dancing with him (I honestly wonder why it came up to begin with).
Grandfathers are not allotted a "special dance". The Groom, Your own father, and the groom's father, and the best man are the only ones who have any "special rights" to dances and many couples in this day and age dont even do all of those.
So, in summary, plan your day and if you feel the need to discuss this issue with your parents rather than just knowing your own stand on it, be firm. If you are as uncomfortable as I think you may be with the thought of unplanned dancing (in case he wants to try and hone in) work out a contingency plan with your groom and your maid of honor... Should they see him asking you to dance they should "cut in" if it is the groom, or if it is the maid of honor she should say that there is a problem they need your help with. If your parents should decide to skip it (which is highly doubtful) it will be THEM that regret it, not you.
2007-03-15 13:04:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the first answer in that NO ONE has the right to touch your body without your permission...period. But I'm amazed that your parents would threaten to boycott the wedding over such a minor issue as well, it honestly doesn't make sense to me. Is there any way, considering that the wedding isn't until NEXT YEAR, that this discussion could be set aside for the time being? If it's brought up again, tell your parents that you honestly haven't gotten around to that portion of wedding planning, and will discuss it when you get to that point. The other thing you could do is eliminate dancing all together from the reception, or only have a first dance with your groom, none of the other dances with parents/grandparents (on a formal basis). Actually, I have to admit, I don't know if I've even been to a wedding where there's a formal grandfather/bride dance, so everyone may be getting all worked up over a non-issue here. Best of luck to you, I hope you can work something out that everyone can live peacefully with.
2007-03-15 12:22:41 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Are you able to express your concerns with your grandfather? If so, let him know that you are uncomfortable with the level of his touching. It may be that he is not aware his "touchy feely" manner bothers you or that he is even doing it. However, if this guy has a history of knowingly abusing personal space and is essentially molesting you, then, for God's sake, stand your ground and have a great wedding day.
2007-03-15 12:27:18 · answer #3 · answered by dr. shan 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why do you have to dance with anyone?
I don't think you should have to compromise your person.
What is "too touchy feely"? Is Grandpa lecherous or does he just make you feel uncomfortable? And why aren't your parents rallying behind you?
Without more info, there are a couple ways to address this.
Tell your parents that you will do as they wish IF they go to Grandpa & talk to him. Old man or not, he shouldn't be molesting people.
Or you could start a dance with him and about halfway into it, have someone cut it & finish the dance.
2007-03-15 12:53:05 · answer #4 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take a stand and tell them that this is your day, not theirs.
However, a father daughter dance is a very traditional part of weddings. And do remember that your father is losing his little girl. I know that you can't understand how hard it is for your parents, but one day you will. One day your daughter is going to come to you and tell you that she is leaving you and going off to start her own family.
2007-03-16 04:21:01 · answer #5 · answered by A dad & a teacher 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's really sad that your parents are using the "we won't come" threat against you. In my opinion, you have to do the equally horrible thing and tell them very calmly, I really want you to be both be there at the most important event in my life, but I am not dancing with so and so under any circumstances and if that means you cannot come to the wedding then you that means you can't come to the wedding, but if you don't come to my wedding, please don't ever try to contact me after that, because I'm done.
2007-03-15 13:02:24 · answer #6 · answered by melouofs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it doesn't sound like your parents are butting in on your plans they just want you to be what they consider fair.
However it's your day and damnit if you don't feel comfortable dancing with grandpa then make that statement known prior. It's not going to be fun for you to be so worried about when that moment comes. You need to enjoy your day and leave creepy man out of the situation.
2007-03-15 12:48:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i would definitely stand your ground... in the end the day is about you, your husband, and the new life you're building together. you don't want to feel crazed or on edge b/c you are being forced to do something you don't want to do. just tell your parents that your grandfather is too touchy feely and it makes you uncomfortable. if they don't want to come b/c you don't want to dance w/ him, b/c you are uncomfortable, then it's there loss.. they should want you to be happy and comfortable. if my daughter told me that about her grandfather, i would want him to stay away from her... so i think it should be the same with your parents... i hope they come.. but stand your ground.. it's your day! congrats!
2007-03-15 12:58:52 · answer #8 · answered by daisylady 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that they should come to your wedding, but you shouldn't have to dance with him. There isn't really a traditional Grandfather and Bride dance anyway so it shouldn't be a big deal. You have too many things to worry about on your wedding day, and that should not be one of them.
2007-03-15 12:45:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
So you can do a few things.
1. Say you'll dance with him and dance with him, though it won't make you happy on YOUR day.
2. Say you'll dance with him and when they show up to the wedding, say that you changed your mind. If they leave in a huff, its THEIR problem not yours. Brush it off and have fun.
3. Say "I'm sorry to hear me not wanting to dance with my touchy feely grandfather will make you decline your (only?) DAUGHTERS wedding, I'll send you pictures of my beautiful day." (I mean, do they really want to miss out on their daughters wedding because you won't dance with creepy guy? good grief!)
I would stand my ground and refuse to dance with the coot. If they refuse to come to the wedding because of something as ridiculous as this they are missing out on one of the biggest days of your life.
2007-03-15 13:33:43 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋