I have a live in boyfriend that was married for 7 years and has been divorced for 2. They have 4 children together, all under the age of 10. We've not been together very long, but are at the point where we've discussed marriage, and children in the future, and can openly talk about our love for eachother. His ex and him usually communicate when one of the children calls to talk to him, but not really outside of those conversations. She lives in a different state. Recently, one of thier mutual friends lost thier significant other to suicide. They have been talking now more, because of and about that situation. On one of her messages, she ended it with "Love you." To that I asked if she always told him that, and he said that she told him that that morning as well. When I asked what his response was...he said he had said "you too." He said...
I'm not going to lie to you, I do still love her...she is the mother of my children." How do I respond to that, or what should I think about it?
2007-03-15 12:00:27 · 15 answers · asked by NeedToKnow 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
you don't you leave
2007-03-15 12:02:59 · answer #1 · answered by troble # one? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you something,it takes men a long time to get over something as rough as a relationship. As easy as it for women to give up things for men,its harder in the other case.
My advice to you is,if you are not willing to accept he came with a little more then just a little baggage,you should take space to evaluate what you truly want out of a relationship. It is not like he said,"I love you too",he just said "you too". His response shows where his heart is,with you. He could easily get back with her. You dwell on this,it will eventualy uproot the foundation of your relationship,which is trust. You should respond by saying I understand. We've all had past relationships,the key point is,they are the past. You can identify with the ex boyfriend situations,and you are probably friends or have a civil relationship with your ex. Don't be dishearten,the only reason you should be worried is when he stops having concern for your relationship,and starts wanting to mend with his ex-wife.
2007-03-15 12:08:33 · answer #2 · answered by Ellie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I would say to pace yourself in this relationship. It's true that he will probably feel very strongly about her for the rest of his life, because she is the mother of his children, and 7 years is a long time to be involved with someone. But to tell his ex wife that he loves her? That's a red flag. Whether they feel a strong connection with one another or not, it's bizarre for them to continue to say that to each other if they're divorced...If they are so in love, then what does he need you for?
2007-03-15 12:18:41 · answer #3 · answered by Andrea M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seven years of marriage and four children is a lot of history . If you object to your boyfriend's actions regarding his ex you will appear in a very mean spirited light.
Still, it seems your boyfriend is along for the ride with you.
His ex family will be there for ever and what you need to ask yourself is: Are you strong enough to accept not only his past but his present. Has he love enough for everybody?
If you decide to stay with him will you feel left out?
It's water under the bridge now but maybe you should not
have moved in with him before these questions were settled first.
2007-03-15 12:13:38 · answer #4 · answered by Freddy F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's all bad. If this is going to bug you most of your life then I say run. Put them running shoes and run fast. You can't make someone stop loving someone else. You ask what should you do? What can you do? Not to make you feel bad or anything, but b/c of things like this, second marriages don't have a great rate of success. I'll try to find someone that does not have a connection to there ex for your chances of a relationship lasting are greater...
2007-03-15 12:08:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is o.k. for ex's to get along after the fire turns to ashes. You say they had four children together, it is a bind they will always share. Let them be. He loves you more, you are the one he stays with. Also I noticed the two of you have exellent communication with each other, don't make him lie to make yourself comfortable, keep what you have. Do ask him if your relationship is in trouble though, let him know you need to know whom he loves as number one love. Also add if we were to have a very big argument, would you leave me and go to her?
2007-03-15 12:18:30 · answer #6 · answered by Arial 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they are still saying that to each other there isn't any finalization to their marriage. On paper there is but not in their hearts. He can feel something for her such a concern because she is the mother of his kids but there should be no love in their hearts for each other. I would talk to him about this. He can love her for giving him his children but not in love with her, but there should still not be any saying like that. They are divorced for a reason and he is with you now. You are the only one he should be saying that too, other than his kids. I would get to the bottom of this before it goes to far.
2007-03-15 12:10:58 · answer #7 · answered by Karen A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to respect his relationship with the mother of his children, and realize that it has changed greatly since they were together. He may love her, but not in a way that will discredit or lessen his love for you. The reason he loves her now is very different than the reason he loved her in the past and the reason he loves you now. I think it is safe to assume that even though they still share children, he would not compromise his relationship with you to engage in a similar relationship with her.
2007-03-15 12:07:23 · answer #8 · answered by jmattiesmufc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So very foolish to hang onto a guy who doesn't want to marry you. You have wasted at least 4 years of your life with him. If not this incident then he would come up with another reason not to marry you. Do you enjoy begging him for forgiveness? I guarantee he sure enjoys hearing you beg. Before 6mo of dating was up, I would know if my bf even believed in marriage and by 1.5-2yr I would have a ring and a date. You want someone who is dying to marry you. Not someone who likes being mean. Depends on what you think you deserve.
2016-03-29 00:24:00 · answer #9 · answered by Kate 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well there is a fine line between loving someone and being in love with them. Sweetie he loves her which means he still cares about her no it doesn't mean that he rather be with her than you it is just saying that he still cares about her....i would not worry about it and i would just trust him. Trust is everything in a relationship. If you dont have trust for one another you might as well end it now...I hope i helped...Caroline
2007-03-15 12:07:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
mayb talk 2 him dont bury it inside bcuz if u bottle it up then u may explode l8tr at the wrong time. jus try talkin 2 him bcuz u want hav a healthy relationship instead of destroying it now.
2007-03-15 12:07:04 · answer #11 · answered by msspongebob26 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋