I do not want my fiancee's sister in the wedding? How do I tell his mother?

Question

My fiancee and I are getting married in the fall. His sister has been far less than pleasant to deal with. She is still best of friends with his first wife (who he went through a nasty very lengthy divorce from) wich is fine, but trash talks both my fiancee and myself constantly to her as wells as many of our family members! She has been called out on it many times and admits to doing so and says that she can express her thoughts about us as she likes. Now that we have set the date , she and her mother have assumed that she will be one of my bridesmaids and her daughter will be our flower girl. I am shocked that she thinks this! Other than family events neither my fiancee or myself even speak to her due to her nasty attitude, wich we tolerate and try VERY HARD to ignore. His mother is almost giddy at seeing her granddaughter in our wedding! How do I tell his mother as well as her that she and the niece will not be part of the wedding, they will only be invited guests?

Answer 1

Speaking as an engaged woman who is already having future in law issues, I can speak from experience that your fiance should handle this one. A situation like this can erupt into a huge fiasco if it's not handled properly. People like this tend to skew situations, and it needs to be made known that this is not a personal vendetta between you and the future sister in law. This is why your fiance needs to handle this situation, because these sentiments should come from someone else other than you. You need to sit down with your fiance and set up a game plan- as a team. He needs to tell his family that its his wedding, and that it's his desire that his fiancee have those who are closest to her in her own wedding. Additionally, it would help if you had your own bridal party in mind. Perhaps it would help if he told his family that you only want, say, three bridemaids and all of the slots are taken? Or that you had someone else in mind for a flower girl? Overall, you two need to work as a team to crack this one. Let your fiance know that. This is a huge test as to whether or not you two, as a couple, can handle tough times like these.

Answer 2

First I can see not wanting her not to be a part of your wedding, but don't take it out on the little girl. She can't help that her mom is the way she is. The little one may be very excited about being the flower girl. The only way I could justify you not allowing her to be in your wedding is if you already had someone else in mind. Plus this would take the pressure off of you for creating hard feelings when you tell the sister that she isn't going to be in the wedding. Having the little girl in the wedding would help them to still feel involved. For the sister, put her in her place now, or she will continue to treat you like this as long as you are a part of that family. I would simply tell her and your future mother in law that you already had other people planned for the wedding and that they should respect your decision since it is your wedding. Don't let everyone's opinion upset your happy day. I remember walking up to my rehearsal and telling my husband, we should have ran away b/c everyone had a better way to do everything. Good luck

Answer 3

Congratulations on the engagement. Here is my answer to your question. I am not sure how exactly your Fiancee's sister is so..Do you think that if you dont have her in the wedding she will do something to sabatoge it? If so is it worth it? Or are you better off just letting her be in it and deal with it? For the flower girl thing and to kind of get her say that you already have one and your parents or some immediate relation to you is pushing it. Do not tell your man. The other thing is...What does your Fiancee's say about her being in the wedding. If he is upset with it too or thinks it will be uncomfortable for you. He should help you work something out with it. You can always tell her that your 5 best friends promised to be each others weddings sorry. and say "I hope you understand." and then walk away...there is nothing she can do about it. Then maybe have her daughter be flower girl just so the rest of his family doesnt think you are avoiding his. I hope this makes sense and helps. But seriously the main question is...Will she try to sabatoge or cause some scene at the wedding because she will be mad at you?

Answer 4

You have to be sure that you don't attack either of them, that will only make the situation worse. If possible, find another role for them like the guestbook attendants or cake cutters. Try not to rule out the niece just because of her mother's bad attitude. Make sure your fiancee supports your decisions and will back you up so that you don't look like the bad guy. Try to befriend his sister, maybe you could win her over. You don't have to be best friends with her, but you should try to be pleasant...after all when you marry someone you marry their family too and you don't want to start things off on the wrong foot by pissing everyone off about the wedding plans.

Good luck!

Answer 5

It's important that your fiancee tell his mother and anyone else on his side of the family so they understand that this is how you BOTH feel. There's no need to announce who is or isn't going to be in the wedding party, however, if his mother or anybody asks point blank just say wedding party participants have already been contacted. If she pushes it, you don't owe her any other explanation (save that for your fiancee's sister if she becomes confrontational).

Answer 6

This is YOUR day. Just go to your future husband and say "Look I Don't want to be rude, but your sister can't come to the wedding." Then tell HIM to break the news to his mom. If you both can't stand her then he should agree with you. But you know no matter how rude or bitchy she is it is kinda hard for a brother to tell his sister not to come to his wedding and what if she decides to crash the wedding and making a huge scene. This sounds like something your new sister-in-law would do by the way you descried her.
Or how about that she can come but she and her daughter can't be directly involved in the wedding. Just quickly cast a flower girl and your bridesmaids and tell her there is no room for her and her daughter. But don't tell anybody that you did this, because like I said she sounds like a person who would cause a scene at your wedding if she found out about this. So Good luck with your marriage and your new sister-in-law.

Answer 7

Just tell her that you don't want her in the wedding b/c of the way she has treated you and you fiancee about the whole thing.....but you still can have the little girl in it, even if her mom isn't, then your future hubby's family would still feel involved in it , but not to the extent where you are misrable and remember it as the worst day of your life, cuz it's supposed to be the best.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!! AND CONGRATS!!!!!

Answer 8

WOW!! It sounds like your mother-in-law and sister-in -law are trying to get their cake and eat it to!!! Well, since both of them obviously know that there is tension between you guys, then you really should not have to much of a problem telling her. And your soon to be husband should be behind you one hundred percent! Make sure that when you do tell them, that your fiance is there with you, that way they don't have a chance to run to him and try to get him to convince you to make them part of the wedding paarty...... because they will realize it was a decision you have both made. You don't have to be rude or mean about it, you don't want to lower yourself to their level. Simply let them know that this is the most important day of your life, and you would like it to be as stressless and tensionless as possible, and that giving the past you and her have had, you feel that her not being in the wedding would be better for everyone. As far as her daughter, tell her that you found a flower girl already. This is YOUR wedding, and if you don't want them in it, then you don't have to have them in it!! and they have no right to assume that they can bad mouth you, and constantly make you feel like you and your family aren't good enough for them, and that you are suppossed to forget all that and sacrifice your one perfect day, to make them happy!!! I don't think so girl. Tell them how it is! If they don't ike it, to bad for them!

Answer 9

I don't blame you for not wanting this two faced beotch in your wedding! But don't hold what she does against the little girl. Have the girl as your flower girl, she can't help what her mommy does. As far as having the sister as a bridesmaid, just tell her I'm sorry, I've already picked all my bridesmaids. She shouldn't expect to be a part of your wedding if she treats you like crap the rest of the time.

Answer 10

Just don't inform the sister-in-law to be about any dress or other bridesmaid details. If they ask, tell them you are keeping you wedding party small...or that you've already asked so-and-so, and so-and-so and there is no more room. My husband and I didn't have any flower girls or ring-bearers. We just told everyone we preferred not to have small children in the wedding party.