Help, my father is a cave man!!?

Question

Since leaving home (it's been a while), I've finally learned to respect myself (my parents didn't seem to deem it necessary). Now, whenever I see or talk to my father, his disrespectful ways make me so angry that I can't even talk to him. He can't deal with the fact that my thoughts are my own, and yes I'm old enough to know exactly what those thoughts are. He's such a bully.

I really don't like fighting, but I don't want to get sucked back into the destructive ways I used to think about myself, and being a pushover just to keep the peace. How do I disagree nicely, and teach him how I want to be treated now without starting a war?

I'm seeing a lot of good answers, and yes I'm reading them all.

"need a reality check", you are obviously unqualified to answer this question. Go back to your cave.

Answer 1

Wow this is a tough one. O.k I think you need to sit down with him and explain that your older now and need to be respected , and that you have a right to state your opinion's without him having to speak for you or push you around. Be firm and asertive without raising your voice, and explain that you respect his opinions and you would like for him to do the same , say that you like the person you have become and that if they can't accept that them they are missing out. Ask him how he would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. If he still doesn't seem to care what you have to say, then you have to decide what you want to do there, I can't tell you not to speak to him or anything like that. Good luck and don't be a push over.

Answer 2

I come from a family of cave people too! :) All you have to do is learn to keep your distance for awhile, every so often go visit and test the waters. Tell them once that you want them to respect the person you've become, and if they cannot, they won't be seeing much of you. There was a time when I cut of total communication from my parents for 3 solid months. Then I slowly started talking with them again. Now, I can spend 2 hours with my mom and it's nice, any longer and she turns back into cavewoman. It's all about protecting yourself. And, be proud of finally learning to love and respect yourself, it's tough when you come from people that just don't get it. :)

Answer 3

tell him that everyone has thoughts and he has some and you have some and then tell him what you feel. try to tell him in a calm voice and dont be such a push over becuase thats when problems start. one morning you will just wake up bein sick of the fact that you were such a push over and i no sum ppl that got sent 2 the hospital becuz they went crazy.

Answer 4

Tell your father you don't deserve to be treated like that and that u would like to have a mind of your own and not be critisized. If he doesn't listen then I wouldn't think of him as a very good father and then just leave him alone and treat him the same way! See how he likes it!

Answer 5

My therapist says that when that happens you should approach it by asking..

"Why do you think when we're always together there's so much negativity?"

Try to ask questions about his behavior in the format of concerning both of you. Basically though, he says things to put you down because he's not happy with himself. Misery loves company...it's hard...sorry you have to deal with it but hang in there.

And remember, there's nothing that says you HAVE to have a relationship with the man.. :)

Answer 6

first of all dont argue with him try having one or two word answers and you will see that he will try to come around my parents were the same but I just look out for myself and try to remember the golden rule do unto others what I would like to be done to me

Answer 7

Sounds like you are the one who is being disrespectful. On top of that, you hold grudges too.
If you wanted to disagree nicely, you would do it. But instead, you wish to push your feminist aggression at the closest man you know.

Answer 8

If your dad is a caveman...then you need to be a cavedaughter... be just as obstinate as he is about issues. he has to know you are strong and will be ok making your own way through life...whether he agrees or not..... Don't make allowances in this case.... hang in there... dad is dad.... and as you know...we can't pick our parents..lol

Answer 9

whenever he criticizes your views, just criticize his back, but maybe in a way that wouldnt start a fight. Just say "really? this is why i think you wrong" just in a way that wont make him angry but see your point

Answer 10

you need to accept your father for who he is. you won't change him, you can only change yourself. set boundaries and explain the rules when you are with him. if the boundaries are crossed, remove yourself from the situation. it is the most grown up thing to do and it gives you self-respect.