just curious as a freind of mine has had a bad time the last few weeks, and every time i ask if he is ok, he says he is but i now he's not, i know i do it myself but its not good to bottle things up! how do you get some one to open up to you about how they are feeling or is it just best to accept there answer that every thing is ok? he has just seen his mom fight cancer and she sadly died 3 weeks ago i don't now how to help him!
2007-03-15 11:46:48 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i say yes all the time, even when im not ok, it's just the way i cope, i think all you can do is be there for your friend, and wait for them to open up to you... it'll be hard for you to be patient but harder for them if they're like me. all you can do is let them know that if they need to talk you'll always be there for them no matter what.
one of the worst questions really is to ask "are you ok?" because answering yes is the easiest way out of it and blocks the friend from enquiring further-- where if the person said no... maybe he see's opening up as being weak (i used to, and still find it hard to do). instead of asking how are you, you should ask about the rest of the family, and how work is going/ or uni work...
i hope this helps
:)
2007-03-15 11:51:19 · answer #1 · answered by sprite 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be there!! don't ask him what you already know, of course he is in an emotional state... just give him time to work through it, tell him you are sorry he's had a rough time of it lately if there's anything you can do to help just to say....
Slowly steady and consciously be there, don't leave him out of things because he's sad and don't include him for the same reason... do what you have always done, be as normal as possible.
When I am faced with sadness in others I always think of a little note I once read by an author unknown
"Empathy is your pain in my heart" that's what you are feeling for your friend.
Do something wonderful today to make you laugh!
Life is short but very worth the living...
2007-03-15 12:21:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a very good friend whos Dad died recently. I had the same problem, not knowing what to do or say to make him feel better. The only thing that i found that actually worked and made him feel as though he could keep moving on, was just being there for him. Dont pressure your friend to talk if he doesnt want to, because things will just be worse for him. Take each step cautiously, and be very gentle.
Hope it works out for you!
2007-03-15 12:09:02 · answer #3 · answered by askmeanything 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To be honest I think all of us. It's human nature because we hate others knowing that we are not coping.
When he answers that he is ok, tell him you know he's not and ask him what you can do for him. Might not be anything straight away - but him knowing that you have taken that extra step with him - will make a difference and hopefully he should open up to you gradually
2007-03-15 11:53:59 · answer #4 · answered by lynn a 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I always lie to anyone who asks are you ok to me face to face, i always say fine or i'm ok even when i'm not and my bad back is at it's worst.
instead of asking if your friend is ok try asking if they want to talk about anything that may be bothering them. they may not know where to begin and it may be jumbled jiberish when you hear it. but try to listen and be supportive as best you can.
but frankly if your friend does not want to talk then you can do nothing to force the issue.
just be supportive and say if he wants to talk you will be ready and happy to listen to him.
try and put him intouch with a cancer families support group or chat room. i'm sure one exists somewhere if not time to start one.
good luck to you and condoleces to your friend. this weekend is going to be hard on him (mothersday sunday) so try to make sure you are with him as much as possible. if his mom has been buried already then make sure to go with him so he get go to her grave and place a large bouquet of his moms favourite flowers on the grave.
if she has not been buried yet still get the flowers but make sure that they are by her photo. remember it is not a bad thing and can help the grieving process to talk to his mom like she was still with him. it is perfectly normal to do that, and the loss of a loved one is one occasion when it is not a bad thing for a man to cry. so let him know you are there for him.
we should all be lucky enough to have great friends like you.
2007-03-15 12:23:42 · answer #5 · answered by thebestnamesarealreadytaken0909 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to let him know you are willing to listen to him at any time. Maybe you are asking him when it is not appropriate for him to open up. Choose a quiet time in a private place to allow him to talk if he wants to. don`t pressure him and you may find he will.It could take months before he is able to speak of his grief.
2007-03-15 11:56:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do,
is to not always say "are you ok"
when you know for sure that he ain't!
I just hate that!
You could try saying
" i know that this is a bad time for you
and if you ever need to talk, then i'm here for you".
2007-03-15 11:52:41 · answer #7 · answered by magic 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ay yo, I do. Da teachers at my school ask me dat cuz I always look mad and sad (I feel dis way cuz I have no friends, I have neva known a girl, when I'm 17 and on da varsity basketball team).
2007-03-15 11:51:36 · answer #8 · answered by mistafabboi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can;t force someone to share their feelings with you. If they feel like sharing their personal feelings then they'll do it when they feel comfortable letting it out. Yes it's not good to bottle emtions but you can;t force them out either. Just be there for him and when he eventually opens up listen to him.
2007-03-15 11:52:41 · answer #9 · answered by Pearl D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think we all do, and we all ask it when we know people are not, it's human nature, it's good that you are talking to your friend, some people can't in awkward situations, keep on being a friend and he will talk when he is ready, it's enough to know that someone cares enough to ask sometimes.
2007-03-15 11:53:27 · answer #10 · answered by Jo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋