Over a yr ago my two sons,who live in different states from me and each other, had terrible arguments, over the course of several wks, by telephone and email, and said some really, really horrible and hurtful things to each other. (they are 35 & 45) I have attempted to remain as neutral as possible and just continue letting them know how much I love them and am sorry they are hurt and incourage them to talk it out. My older son refuses to talk to the younger one, even though he has called and emailed several times. The younger son plans on going to his brother's home or job and seeing him, in a nonconfrontational but caring, loving way, to try to get him to face their problems and attempt to work them out. My older son doesn't know this and has told me in the past that he is just still too hurt and angry to discuss it at all w/his brother. Do you think it's a good idea for my younger son to go see him anyway and try to force the issue so they can hopefully be close again? Thank you
2007-03-15 11:01:46 · 11 answers · asked by Eve 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Stay out of it.
Did you settle there fights for them when they were little? Don't even go there with either one of them. When they call don't mention either to the other. And refuse to talk to them about it. Be firm and just say you and your brother will have to work it out...... otherwise it will wind up being your fault, and you will be blamed one way or another. So say nothing.
2007-03-15 11:08:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your elder son has said he's not ready yet I would suggest your younger son waits a little longer if he's intent on visiting. You need to consider that a visit 'out of the blue' may make your elder son feel defensive and might therefore not end with the result your younger son wishes. You are doing the right thing trying to stay out of it, but at the same time letting them both know you love them. Sometimes the hardest thing is to do nothing. I hope the situation gets resolved in the way you hope.
2007-03-15 18:10:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let sleeping dogs lay! My son hurt me terribly last june
he used really fowl language and said awful things to me.
We did not speak for 6 mos.
He came to see me at Christmas, and I wished he didn't.
But he acted as if nothing happened, he brought a gift, that I
did not want to accept. He wouldn't take it back, and he insisted that I open it. The gift was lovely, but I still hear his
words. We speak and act civil towards each other. But my heart is not open to him any more. I can't forgive or forget
.Your son should just stay away until the older son is ready to
see him. A surprise visit may be the lighting of a bomb waiting to go off.
2007-03-15 18:34:47 · answer #3 · answered by cheyenne 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your older son needs the time to work through his anger. I think this is a very bad idea. Your younger son should wait. Can you get them both together at your home for some occasion? I think an unannounced visit from your younger son will make it worse. I think it's wise for you to stay out of it. You know your children better than we do of course, but "several weeks" doesn't seem like a long time to be mad. I advise you to give it more time.
2007-03-15 18:08:20 · answer #4 · answered by David M 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm not sure what caused the rift but if I were you I would have told them both I will not listen to either of you bash the other, that I love you both equally and I never raised either of you to act this way.and that if they both love you that they would work it out because this disagreement is tearing your heart out.
But let you younger son know that its not a good idea to confront the older brother right now till the anger has cooled, and that maybe he should send a letter saying what he wants his brother to here that way he can read it and take the time to digest it before he has to face him
2007-03-15 18:56:12 · answer #5 · answered by kathy h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that family rift can be hard, my father is adopted and hates his adopted brother who seems to have about the same realtionship with each other as your sons do. Every year my uncle gives my father an xmas gift and vice versa they tryed to remain peaceful with each other but there may be no resolving the rift between them. Its important for them to stay civil to each other but as a mother you cant force your sons to be friends. FORCEING love on anyone weather it be family or not is no way to get it in return. they will work it out in there own time and if they dont just make sure that they know that you will always be both of there mothers.
good luck xo
2007-03-15 18:09:16 · answer #6 · answered by Kelly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on the situation. But it is a positive effort by the younger son to make it right between the two of them. Who knows it may work out.
2007-03-15 18:21:24 · answer #7 · answered by Million C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it is time for you to step in as their parent and become a mediator. You don't have to take sides, but you could maybe arrange for a neutral place for them to meet and talk. If your older son is still that upset, I don't think it is a good idea for him to be approached by your younger son with no warning, this could only upset the situation more.
2007-03-15 18:17:33 · answer #8 · answered by cat12 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not now... your younger son needs to let it cool down some.
Absolutely tell him not to go to his job.
2007-03-15 18:07:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You left out the why in that story...so without that how can we answer??? Are they mad because one slept with the others wife or because one forgot to clean out the boat after he used it??? duh..
2007-03-15 18:05:49 · answer #10 · answered by Steelhead 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋