What to do with my son?

Question

Hello I have a 12yr old son and I spanked him and he called the police he has been so bad the last 3yrs gangs,stealing, school getting held back in school just a number of things and now he is in a receiving home saying he does not want to come home the boy has lost his mind please help with some info please

I have put him in sports and talk to him all the time till I turn blue in the face he is always telling stories There is a positive male but his dad just got out of prison and for som reason he wants to go with him which is not a good ideal I feel to let him go and experience the hood he has no clue we live in a very nice neighborhood I just don't understand why?

Answer 1

Hi
I had the same trouble with my son ,he was 12 years old when it all started. He was in & out of detention centers for years I shead many a tear & blamed myself ,tried to ground him etc. nothing worked. He lost all respect for the law & was a real handful. Sometimes I wonder how we made it through but you are stronger then you may think . This is his problem not yours ! I know that sounds harsh but if I had listened when people tried to tell me that I may not have beat myself up over it for all those years! He is now 20 & he is slowly coming around ,he lives in a different province but seems to have calmed down some. All I can say is you are not alone & never let him get the best of you as I did.. then there are so many more issues ,you are left to basically put your life back together & that is not fair I mean what did we do to deserve this!
Take care & be strong

Answer 2

A strong male influence could help.(sorry, this is not to offend). Maybe he's acting out his frustrations or fears. See if there's a male in the family that he trusts and can talk to. Beating him is not the answer. If he doesn't want to come home, you should wonder why. Also, having him return to the same neighborhood to the same group of friends (you mentioned gangs) will be a problem because it's not easy to get out once in a gang. BTW, many kids join gangs because it gives them protection and a sense of family that they feel
they don't have at home. Don't give up on your child. He's only twelve.

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Now that you've added more info, I have a better picture. Mother, if your child's father was in prison, as you just stated, surely that must have affected him in some way. I beg you to seek some sort of counselling and intervention for him.

Answer 3

When kids start behaving the way your son is it is usually a sign that he is angry about something. What changes took place in his life around the time he started getting in trouble, if you can identify that then that is the key to communicating with him and understanding what's really troubling him.
When you talk to him do you listen or do you do all the talking?
It is not a good idea to let him go with his father to live but it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to allow them time to bond. Of course that all depends on the fathers character, maybe you could talk to the father and ask for some intervention on his part. I can't imagine a father that has done time would want the same thing for their son and who better to say " Don't travel down this road " then someone who's been there.

Answer 4

He needs discipline. If you have to-send him to a Boys Camp or Boys School where he can learn that he is still a child and he is not going to tell his mother what to do. The police should not be involved ina spanking unless it was a "beating" or something like that. Good Luck

Answer 5

You might want to keep in touch with the people that hang around with him because friends can sometimes be a really bad influence!! Limit his privileges and those that he hangs out with and also focus more on discipline, which will help in improving his behavior!! Hurry because once he starts his teenage years you will have to face even more difficulties that are caused by teenage phases!!

Answer 6

Hmmmm. Do you have faith? Cuz from a Christian stand point, the best thing to do right now is leave him in The Father's hands, and pray for him-his safety, long life. Think of the wasteful(prodigal) son from the parable. Went out, did his own thing, and when he was at his lowest-when the garbage was looking tasty-God called out to him and he called back to God and went home to his family. Your son may have to get to that lowest point, to be absolutely humbled, before he wakes up and realizes how much love you have for him.

Answer 7

He needs attention. And guidance. Sure, you're going to have to punish him for the bad stuff, but be sure to REWARD him when he does something good. Find out his interests - take him to a ball game - or a museum, if that's what he likes. TALK to him.
Don't cave in to him, and be firm. Be a PARENT.

Answer 8

we went through the same thing with our son. he had the same traits as your son, and at about the same age. we tried tough love ,saw councilors,and did everything we could think of. we blamed ourselves for his behavior, but it wasn,t us,it was him.we stuck with him for several years, and there were ups and downs. he is now twenty eight and is finally starting to grow up. it is a long hard road, but don,t give up on him, he needs you wether he says it or not. i wish you good luck,stay strong. Mr. C

Answer 9

well easy send him away lol to a poor contry like mexico but deep in so he can learn what a hard lives realy like and set him straight either that or send him to a military school

Answer 10

He probaly wants attention. Maybe you work all the time and don't talk to him enough. And next time don't spank him sit him down and talk to him about the situation.