Would you disown your mother...?

Question

...If you had been molested and she blamed you for tearing up the family when you came out about it?

Answer 1

Yes. I have a friend that this happened to. She is a month younger than I am. She was molested for years and I didn't know. She told me a few years ago. When she told her mother what she had remembered, her mom went off on her. She didn't believe her. When all was said and done, and the truth came out, her mom blamed her for breaking up her marriage..

Answer 2

No,
To be at peace you need to forgive her selfishness and try to understand that her blaming you was a means of denial. For her to accept that you had been molested would require her to accept that she had failed you as a parent, she had failed to protect you.
I was molested as a child, carried the anger, resentment and humiliation for many years. I was an alcoholic at the age of 17, defied death on several occasions. I displayed every characteristic that a victim displays and it wasn't until I was in my 30's that I told my mother and to this day she feels that she failed me as a mother though I insist she should not blame herself.
Personally, I believe there is nothing more precious then family. All the wrong that's been done in the past needs to been forgiven so the wounds may heal. You will find greater peace in it.

Answer 3

I would not disown my mother no matter what happened. She probably just doesn't understand what happened to you (assuming you are speakin of yourself). Maybe try to explain it to her and if she still doesn't get it just let it roll off your back. One day she'll realize what's happened. I had a similar situation happen to me not too long ago. My mom blamed me and told me she was disowning me because my little sister ran away from home. You know what though? She came around (it took several months) and when she realized she was wrong she felt like crap about it. Sometimes people blame others for things they don't understand, just wait her out (as long as she's not harrassing you - and you're not living with her). You do not need to feel bad about this supposed 'tearing up the family'. Focus on your healing process. The last thing you should worry about is what others think. You need to be your first priority!

Answer 4

Well, i might....it depends who the abuser was...If she knew the abuser (father, her boyfriend etc) and she kept quiet about it knowing that I had been abused I definetely would disown her.
If she had no clue what was going on and I came out with the news I would hope that she would be so shocked and be on MY side and not blaming me for tearing up the family. (even though her world won't be the same again anymore)
I would try to talk it out with my Mom. If she keeps blaming me then I might keep my distance. Give her some time though to think about this whole thing too.
Good luck.

Answer 5

I don't think I could ever disown my mother. I may not talk or have anything to say to her for a while but, not disown. And I know dealing with being molested is alot. But, you are a strong person. And once your mom realizes that maybe thing will be a little different.

Answer 6

I think a mother should love unconditionally even if it is not what they want to hear. Maybe it is her way of trying to process the information which you gave her and snapping is the natural response to overload. Give her a day and aproach her again. Do it without anger and shouting (that's too easy to get into). If her reaction is still the same.......
You do need other help, though. Molestation is something that will be with you for life. Find an unbiast third party to talk to and press charges so others do not have to face the same issues.

Answer 7

You know this happened to me and not just my Mom, but the whole family came down on me for spreading those horrible "lies". I have seance forgiven them and confronted the person who did it, even if they denied it, and learned to heal. I have moved 1000 miles away from everyone and call on a regular bases. I love them but sometimes you gotta live your life for you and move on. Not to say disown, but to not let what other people may think affect who you are. Your anger and hurt only hurts you, not the person it is geared for. I am happy now, and I will never let them back into my life on a real close level.But I will never have another grandma or mom or dad or grandpa.So I would forgive her ignorance and back her far far out of my life. But not completely, You will always love her, and that is why if you don't forgive her it will only add more to your pain. Remember to morn the loss of that relationship, It will feel like a death.

Answer 8

Maybe maybe not. Depends on how serious the molestation was. My case I was raped and my mother payed for it and not to mention molested when I was with her for 4 or 5 years. You have a definite right to be angry with her though. If she blames you and is mad at you for saying you were molested then I think I would.

Answer 9

You know i was in this similar situation! When i was 5 years old i was molested till the age of 10! I told my mom and she did not believe me called me a liar to me face. Her father was the one who did this to me! But later he confessed i spent a good 5 years hating my mother! But now i forgive her because i was a trouble child and i accused her father of molestation! But in your case i would go up to her as an adult! Look at her and say how dare you! Tell her exactly how you feel then at the end say you are suppose to be my mother! Then walk away!

Good luck!

Answer 10

i think you should give her time. See how she reacts with you not talking to her. Then after a bit confront her with your feelings. If she doesnt apologize then continue the no talking. you should also talk to a counsler about it. It sounds like you have had a pretty hard time and you need someone to talk to when your mother isnt there for you. Good luck and i hope things turn out ok for you and your family.