I haven't spoken to my father in years, well, I have, but, not civilly. In anycase, I am planning a wedding and I do not plan on inviting him. My Mother(they have been divorced for over 15 years) says that she thinks my father is going to send us a check as a gift. I told her it will not be cashed, it will be returned to sender. I do not want his money. She says I am being ridiculous. Who is right here? Should I just take the money, knowing full well I can't stand the man, or send it back to him as a matter of principle?
2007-03-15 09:13:16 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
To give you a bit of background info here, my father is very manipulative. If it were anyone else I would agree it is a "reach out". But, it isn't just anyone, we are speaking of a man who does things to SEEM nice, but who actually does them because he has a "plan in the making".
2007-03-15 09:25:43 · update #1
I don't think your mom should influence your decision. You know what's in your heart. If it's in your heart to forgive your father, then accept it as he reaches out. If you can't forgive him for whatever happened, then it's only right to return the check.
2007-03-15 09:22:51 · answer #1 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you don't' want to invite him don't. I am getting married in June and I am not inviting my real father but sending him a wedding announcement. My real father did not raise me and walked out on my mother before I was even born. My stepfather raised me gave me his name (yes adopted me!) and he died last year you would have thought my real father would have stepped up and maybe even tried to fill the void.. Nope he is still walking around like I owe him something... so therefore he is not invited to my wedding but will get an announcement like all the other who we are not inviting or cant' make it because the live out of state.. this way if he would like to send a gift he can mail it to us....but I also don't have to feed or entertain him for the day or listen to his poor pitiful me stories or listen to how much he has done for me at my wedding knowing that my mother and stepfather made me the person I am today.
My point with is don't invite him send him an announcement and if he sends you money take the gift as a nice jester!!!!
2007-03-15 17:33:38 · answer #2 · answered by Lizzie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like him or not, you only have one father. I know of many couples who have had this problem. I know it is your big day - but will it really matter that much if he attends? I went to a wedding where an alcoholic father sat in the corner and drank. It was his daughter's wedding so he was no trouble. And the other guests pretty much ignored him - but thought more of the bride for inviting him.
The money should not come into the equation.
Think carefully about your decision. You have made your mind up now, but you may regret it in years to come.
My father died before I had chance to make the peace, and I have regretted it ever since.
But at the end of the day, it is your decision.
Have a nice wedding whatever you decide...
2007-03-15 16:28:48 · answer #3 · answered by Bunts 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I don't know the history between you and your father, but would say if you are not planning on inviting him, you shouldn't accept the gift. But I did like the suggestion of donating it to a charity. Ultimately, it's your choice. Just be sure that you're at peace with whateve decision you make. You won't get a "do over" on this one, so make sure that you can live with whatever decision you wind up making. Best of luck to you.
2007-03-15 19:16:42 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do not take the money! I myself have a horrible relationship with my father. If I was in your shoes, I'd rather have less money and the day I have always dreamt of, than save a couple bucks and take the chance of getting into a big fight on your big day.
2007-03-15 16:23:41 · answer #5 · answered by beegirl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you won't have him at the wedding, then don't take his money. It sounds as if he is reaching out. Remember, you only get married once, and if you leave your father out, that's something you will never be able to take back. I don't know the situation, and I am not judging you, but I would take that into consideration.
Good luck and congrats on the wedding!
2007-03-15 16:19:56 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Take the cash. You'll be laghing all the way to be bank ate his expense.
Pride is not a good advisor. As a newlywed you will need ever dollar that you can get, so take it. If he is not attending the wedding, then do it. Is the least that he can do for all the grief that he has caused.
Good luck and congratulations
2007-03-15 16:34:27 · answer #7 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
As long as you and your guy are paying for the wedding totally yourselves, accept the money graciously, send a thank you note, and put the money away in a bond or something for your future baby.
2007-03-15 18:13:54 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would take the money and give it to a charity.
I didn't have worry about my dad when I got married. He was deceased by then. But that is what I would do. And my "relationship" with him was not - good.
2007-03-15 16:23:22 · answer #9 · answered by nokhada5 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if you don't want to invite him.. don't.. and if you don't want to cash the check, then i wouldn't either.. my parents are divorced and my dad tries to contact me sometimes (but for reasons i don't wish to say, i would never talk to him) so i won't cash any check he sends me.. like you say.. i don't want his money.. i think you're perfectly right.. if there are strings attached to it, and he thinks he can control you by giving you the money and then expecting something in return.. forget it.. it's not worth it....
2007-03-15 20:05:02 · answer #10 · answered by daisylady 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋