How am I meant to act around my little sister, I'm her brother but sometimes I have to be like her dad?

Question

My dad's not around and Im the main male figure in my little sister's life. We are close and we muck about and fight like siblings do but at the same time because my mum never remarried I also have to play the "dad role". Im the one who's responsible for setting the ground rules, curfews, groundings, bedtimes and home works. I'm her brother and I still want her to feel free to tell me anything but now that she's getting older (14 this year) I'm scared she won't open up to me as much as she used to as I am sort of in charge of discipline and all that. How am I meant to act? Its a bit hard trying to be her brother and a father figure at the same time.

My mum does try and set the rules but my sister more often than not wont listen to anyone unless I take charge. I think it's important for any kid to have a male figure in their life and since my dad isnt there I sort of evolved into one. My question is how do I balance both roles without pushing my sister away too much? My mum does need help as she works a lot and isnt often there as much as she would like. I just still want to be her brother and still help out my mum which I'm finding hard to do sometimes.

Answer 1

I have only your description to go by but you sound like a very mature and caring big brother. Something that is quite rare! Your sister and mom are very blessed to have you!
My son was 10 when I had my daughter and the father, as much as he wanted to be, was not always there for us so I had hopes of my son stepping in to do what you decribe (as your confusion) for me and my daughter. My situation did not turn out so well because my son had so many of the issues that a young boy will have after having been the only child for so long and then having to give up that spot because of a late addition in a family.
I was disappointed in him because I felt I needed the support but I have come to realize that that was way too much responsibility for a young boy going into manhood to be burdened with. In the end, there is no going back either to rectify my error in judgement or to give back the childhood that would have been wasted/missed had he actually been able to take on that responsibility. That would have been entirely unfair for everyone. But you seem to have taken the responsibility well and done well in your sister's younger years.
Hopefully you won't have any hard feelings toward your mom for the childhood you didn't get to have. Don't be too hard on her - she will probably be harder on herself. In time I think your mom will regret having allowed you to take on all this responsibility but that's neither here nor there.
At 14, your sister is well into the teenage years (which makes me wonder how much older you are than she is - I hope a lot older). It's going to get harder now. At this point, you shouldn't worry about her liking you - most likely she won't especially if you are acting in her best interest. But she will trust you (maybe you can't tell but she will) because you have been there for her. If she doesn't know it now, she'll figure it out. Give it time. But for now you have to continue to do what you have been (unless you can see a change in your mom) because you have been the lifeline for your mom as well as your sister.
You (or your mom) forfeit your place as 'just' a brother when you stepped into this position of responsibility so young. Maybe you won't share that fun stuff that some siblings share but hopefully you will see the value in what you are doing in time.
God will bless your life because of your behavior. I can't promise you anything but to say a prayer for your family believing that God is present and all knowing and certainly will bless your effort in this situation.

Answer 2

Cudos to you!

You have your hands full and still care enough to be the responsible person at home. That should be your moms job but you have taken the role instead.

You should follow your heart as far as talking to your sister. Let her know that even though you have to act like a "dad" sometimes, you are still her brother and that no matter what she can tell you anything at all without fear of judgement.

I know when my daughter turned 14 she hated everyone, me, her dad & brothers. Basically anyone that was not in her peer group. Your sister will be hitting hormone hell soon and it will be a hard time for you as brother and dad.

Try to remember what it was like for you at 14, what you would have wanted and the way you felt about the general adult population. Again, talk with her. Never stop talking to her, just don't preach to her or lecture her.

Find time to just be the brother. Do things together even if they seem a bit immature to you. You need to build a bridge between the two of you. Ask her for her opinion on some things and have her help you in the father role as well. If she is capable of more responsibility then allow her more. Help her grow up.

I don't know you but I am proud of you and the love you have for your sister. You will make a wonderful man and father someday.

Answer 3

Oh. this is a tough one. 14 is a difficult age to begin with. This is how I would handle it though.....I would be the best loving big brother and role model that I could possibly be. By just being there for her and gently guiding her down the right path making it all look like it was all her idea.

Answer 4

Hi,
I can feel wht u are saying . In mylife i had no brother or sister to be with me and i missed tht . You at ur age are playing double roles . I can just say you ....Make rules for discipline in the same time when u make some rules explain her the demerits for wht u have made the rules for. Most of the time wht we do is just xplain the merits and dont think of demerits ....so explain her wht are the demerits ....Like her brother u protect her ....and in same time be a friend to her you share things with her. take her out .....make her feel tht u are the best copmany for her ..if u just keep stopping her or scolding her then she will never open up . she i will avoid talking to you ., with the fear you might scold her . Wht i feel is leaver her open bt be close to her at the back to see tht she dsnt fall, bt put urself in her shoes and think ......and i think you will be more happy and she will also be ......If u havea Gfriend talk to her ..share with her so tht she can also have faith in you....
I cant think anything else........

Answer 5

Those things that you're doing are not just a father's responsibility, a mother does them also.
Your mom should be setting ground rules, curfew.... It sounds like your mom is leaving it up to you to raise your sister. You need to talk to your mom & tell her its time for you to be a brother, not a father.

Answer 6

Your mother should be setting the ground rules for her not you. You are not supposed to be taking on the role as her father. Your mother is there with you and should be taking this responsibility on herself and not pushing it off on to you. I had two kids.. one son and one daughter that I set the rules for. It's your mothers job to this, not yours and she should take control. You do not and should not play the "dad role".

Answer 7

Pray about it.