My friend is getting married in a couple of months and I'm a bridesmaid. The problem is - her soon-to-be husband keeps hitting on me (and plenty of other girls). He has cheated on her lots of times and I know that she is aware of his cheating and has been for years. If she wants to accept that from him, that's fine and it's not my business. He just started hitting on me recently and I don't know what to do. I can't stand to be around him and I think he's disgusting. Should I drop out?
2007-03-15 08:45:02 · 19 answers · asked by really marine 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Yes, you should drop out.
This is a very delicate situation and you are going to have to be very careful in what you say to her. If you think she's aware of his cheating, just say you are not comfortable around him and feel he doesn't treat her the way she should be treated. If she doesn't ask you to elaborate...don't.
It's the old thing...finding out a friend's boyfriend/husband is cheating. If you tell your friend, half the time you're blamed for telling and they make up and you've lost a friend.
But it's still better to be honest with her than to stand up for her, knowing he's the wrong guy for her and she'll be hurt even more later.
2007-03-15 19:46:43 · answer #1 · answered by NewGrandma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about that - but it sounds like you (and maybe some of her other friends) need to sit her down and tell her what's going on. This guy is obviously not ready to get married and he's only going to cause her lots of heart ache and put her at risk of STDs if he's cheating on her all the time like this. Be honest with your friend! May not be the advice you were looking for, but she's going to ask why you're dropping out of her wedding party.
2007-03-15 08:50:59 · answer #2 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes I would decline the invitation to be a bridesmaid. Tell her because of recent personal and financial problems you will have to decline. If she asks you what problems, don't tell her just say it is very personal and you rather not discuss it. Do not tell her about that her husband to be tried to hit on you..believe me if she is that stupid enough to go through with this farce of a marriage, then she deserves this clown. She will have a life of infidelity and deceit living with this creep, and then she'll come complaining to friends about how bad he is. Typical behavior. She wouldn't believe you if you told her anyway because she is in denial. So don't even waste your time, just get out of it anyway you can.
2007-03-15 11:01:10 · answer #3 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YUCK! I would be so skeeved out if I were you.
That being said, I dont know if I agree that you should back out and give the reason that its because he is hitting on you. I think if this were me that I would just say that I didnt have the time to devote to her during the planning and that you want her to have a wonderful day and you hope that she will be happy to have you just as a guest and not as a bridesmaid.
Even though you say she knows his behavior, I dont know how she would react to you giving this as a reason, I would tend to think that because she seems to be turning a blind eye to it she might take it and turn it around on you. She might accuse you of being jealous of her or trying to ruin her day and her relationship or something worse. I doubt highly that she would use it as a wake up call and seriously look at the relationship in a new light.
But thats just me, you do what you think is right, but yes, I think you should back out.
2007-03-15 09:34:41 · answer #4 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would confront the groom and tell him to back off or he's going to have alot of issues to deal with. If he gets out of hand and it becomes sexual harrasment, threaten to take him to court. This guy needs to learn he can't do this, especially if he's getting married. As for your friend, if she knows about his behavior then chances are she is intentially ignoring it. (which you already know). I think you already want to drop out and I don't blame you. But the issue could still be a problem even after they are married. Will you still have to be around him when you want to see your friend? If yes then he'll still try to hit on you, so best thing to do is to make sure he knows you mean business and when your friend asks why you are dropping out, tell her. It is your right as her friend to tell her what's going on.
2007-03-15 11:06:16 · answer #5 · answered by Wendy Kim 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why on earth would someone want to marry such a scumbag?! If you must drop out, dear, then by all means please do. Perhaps it will open her eyes a little. Just be sure to tell her why when she asks, and she will ask. You have to be as honest with her as possible, because if she isn't ready to hear the truth about him, she surely isn't ready to marry him. Even if she is aware of his unfaithfullness, sometimes it takes a friend being brutally honest and taking action for themselves (like you would be doing by dropping out of her wedding party) for people to really see the truth. I hope it works out for the best, and I really hope she decides not to marry him. Good luck.
2007-03-15 08:57:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It rather boils all the way down to what you're waiting to placed up with for the sake of your acquaintances. If it became me i could be pulling out and telling my acquaintances why. you need to no longer might desire to placed up with racial slurs and abuse - and your acquaintances shouldn't might desire to spend their wedding ceremony day annoying that some thing might flare up. i'm somewhat bowled over that they want to be acquaintances with racists. Its a probability they're subconsciously making use of you to instruct a factor to their different acquaintances that they do no longer seem to be racist themselves. possibly you will possibly be able to desire to tell them which you will possibly rather want to attend and dance at their wedding ceremony as a focused visitor yet you would be happier with out such close touch with the different wedding ceremony party people. That way you could only slip quietly away if persons are offensive . What a shame that some small-minded, nasty people can smash it for you and on your acquaintances..
2016-10-18 11:26:29 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get the other bridesmaids together..I'm sure they feel the same way about the situation. Maybe you guys without ganging up should talk to her and ask her if she accepts this that she should ask her fiance to at least not hit on you!
2007-03-15 09:40:37 · answer #8 · answered by @@@???? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and talk to her and tell her that he is hitting on you and that you are uncomfortable with it. Then tell for that reason you can't be one of her bridesmaids. (Besides that marriage obviously isn't going to last, so you can always be a bridesmaid next time around.)
2007-03-15 12:07:17 · answer #9 · answered by CJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my God- your friend knows the jerk she's engaged to cheats on her and she still wants to marry him? Does she think he will stop after they get married? I feel sorry for her- she must have very low self-esteem. If I were you, I would back out of this wedding immediately- it's a farce.
2007-03-15 08:58:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋