Was it something I said?

Question

So, I have a co-worker who is in her mid-late 30's. I am in my early 20's. She's very perky and bubbly.

She likes to tease people and she frequently teases me. Mainly about my age, but she often comments on my clothes (which are mean comments, for instance I have a bright pink sweater, if I wear it, all day she calls me "pinky...")

So, today she sent an email and she badly misused a word and misspelled my name... so, I gave her a little crap about it... but I tried to make it very clear I was teasing. I didn't give it much thought until I walked passed her desk and she was looking it up in a dictionary and mentioned why she used it. I laughed and I then I pressed it a little saying that it still wasn't the correct usage and I laughed about it... and she threw the dictionary on her desk and said (in a snarky tone) "Well, YOU send [the type of email that was sent] next time!" and sat down in a huff....

I feel AWFUL... I wouldn't intentionally hurt her feelings, but on the other hand I don't think it's fair that she can tease others and not expect the same.

Did I do something wrong or is this just a case of someone who can dish it out but can't take it?

Should I apologize.

I'd like to point out that I JUST heard her yelling at two older ladies who were teasing her for wearing a shorter skirt without pantyhose. With a nice, mature, "WHATEVER! I'LL DO WHAT I WANT"

Answer 1

Since its a workplace situation, this can be very bad for you, even though you meant nothing by it. Simply go to her and say something like "I'm sorry if I offended you with my teasing. Are you ok?"
Her comments to you are completely inappropriate for the work place. Any comments about a person's clothing or age are very inappropriate. Next time she makes a comment or calls you pinky, just look at her and say very politely "I really don't care for that comment". Remember that things you might say in a non-work environment are not always appropriate for a work environment. The comments she is making towards you could be considered harrasment. Its not even whether you are offended by her comments, but if someone overhears her comments, she could get in trouble.

If she continues, you would take it up with your supervisor or human resources representative. While generally I let almost anything slide, if something makes me uncomfortable I'm very straight forward about it. I privately tell the person (verbally) that I didn't care for the comment.

And in the future, be extremely careful what you put in writing!

Answer 2

Well, obviously she was offended by the remark or she would not have reacted in such a way... You wonder if she is just someone that can "dish it out, but not take it?" I suspect it goes a bit deeper than that. Perhaps she is threatened by you. Either professionally, or maybe it is simply that she is used to being the center of attraction (where your male colleagues are concerned). Her teasing is just a defense mechanism... The more important question may be; are you a threat to her or not? If your intentions are suspect, then her reaction is just a case of "cause and effect." If she is misreading the situation, then you should try to put her fears at ease. Apologize and let her know that you did not intend to hurt her. Offer to turn over a new leaf and start fresh. Let her know that you are no threat to her. You may find that under her paranoia, she is really a nice person, and someone you might welcome as a friend. If that backfires, then at least you know you took the high road... Good luck!

Answer 3

When you tease someone in real life it's usually 'ok' because they can detect you're joking by the way to say it or the little behaviors/actions people make when teasing. Unfortunatlly, email doesn't carry any of this information except the message. So, it sounds like she read it and took it the wrong way. She probably didn't know you were teasing. If she's as kind as you say and not a vindictive person, you should have no problem appologizing to her or just saying 'hey, I was just kidding!' Whatever you do, make sure you do it in person. Don't try to resolve this over an email or even the phone. Once someone takes something the wrong way through an inferior communication channel, you should try to resolve it in person as quickly as possible to avoid any more misinturperetations. Good luck.

Answer 4

I would suggest that you take it up with your higher ups before it gets out of hand. Do you have a human resources department where you work? This teasing of hers is not proper in the work place, and just the fact that she can't get the same treatment from others & shrug it off is enough to throw up a red flag for you! You definately don't want her to say you are discriminating against her because of her age, but she is doing that very thing to you. Maybe she's discriminating people because of what they wear. Either way, it's not right, and if she can dish it & not take it, you don't want to be the one who gets fired for making rude comments. Let her get the warning! Tell your boss that you, and others are seemingly getting bullied (so-to-say) by this other girl, and though you can handle criticism, she cannot handle the same type of treatment in return, so you would appreciate it if she was told to stop.

Hopefully, all will be well in your work place afterwards!

Good Luck!

Answer 5

While I don't think this lady really deserves an apology (she sounds very immature), for the sake of maintaining a good work environment you should probably just suck it up and tell her you're sorry if you offended her because it wasn't your intention. Since things have a tendency to get "lost in translation" via e-mail make sure you tell her in person. Just a short sweet apology and then leave her alone.

The next time she teases you and it bothers you, you might try saying something like "I'm sorry I don't have time to play around right now, I have a lot of work to do." Hopefully she'll take the hint and won't take it personally.

Answer 6

Your email at work isn't really a good place for you to do your teasing. People can get fired over that sort of thing, but that's beside the point.

She is obviously offended so if you didn't mean to offend her, tell her you're sorry. You're going to have to work with her so it's better to bury the hatchet early so it'll be a more pleasant working environment.

Answer 7

She sounds like one of those people you can never tell when they are in what kind of mood and if it's the right time to tease or not. I have learned to just let these people lead when it comes to teasing.....if you can tell they are in a playful mood, go with it. If not, don't be the instigator, just be your normal kind self. Hopefully this will help, it did me.

Answer 8

Consider you both may have overreacted and learn from it. Forget it.

Next time just politely correct the person and leave it for them to overreact if they insist. Do not dwell on it. There is already a huge amount of surrly stuff out there.

Answer 9

Some people can dish it, but can't take it. Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong, and your intentions were good. Just don't joke around with her anymore.

Answer 10

Sounds like someone who likes to dish it, but can't take it. I would still talk to her and let her know you were kidding around and didn't mean any offense.

Edit: Maybe she is just having a bad day.